It's Wednesday, weirdos, which means our favorite love-to-hate, hate-to-love, hate-myself trashy TV show Riverdale is back on our screens! As you all know, or are lucky enough not to know, this show is a relentlessly entertaining hot mess full of batshit, ludicrous moments that feel like writers pulled them straight out of their assholes and plopped them onto an amateur screenwriting program. Here are PopCrush's 11 (5) Most Ridiculous Storylines So Far:
2.) The Blossom-Cooper Feud is Based on Maple Syrup
Never forget that the ultimate binding force in all of Riverdale is the almighty, omnipresent power of maple syrup, which rules over the lives of our troubled town, tangling the innocents in their dark, sticky web, pulling their strings like an evil but oh so delicious puppet master. I know the show is filmed in Canada, but are they trying to convince us it takes place there too?
4.) Clifford Blossom's Wigs
For a hot minute there, I thought that Riverdale was gonna go full Twin Peaks and say that Clifford Blossom killed Jason because he was being controlled by his evil, demonic wigs. But alas, he just wore them because he his hair turned white when he saw the ghost of Granpappy Blossom, which I can't tell is more or less ridiculous? According to Cheryl, he has "one for every mood", just like this OP and his fuckboys.
6.) Veronica is a Teen Mobster
Gosh, these teen characters are just so darn relatable. Although mob princess Ronnie is kinda the most interesting she's ever been?
8.) The Red Circle
While some of us totally took part in homoerotic vigilante groups in high school, I guess most people didn't and think that this storyline is ridiculous or whatever. Any excuse to get Charles Melton (front right) shirtless is a fantastic creative decision in my books.
11.) Betty Becoming a Cam Girl
Because what better way to explore a teen character's struggles with anxiety and depression than to have her descend into a world of underage cam girl-ing (at the encouraging of her long-lost psycho brother)? Once again, relatable. I mean, when I get sad or stressed I definitely make bad decisions but they don't involve ridiculous wigs (but they do involve talking to older men online *cries*). While millions of tweens across the globe cry themselves to sleep every night chanting "Bughead", this OP's biggest ship on the show is Betty Cooper and THERAPY.
Showrunner Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa admits that Cheryl has been put on the backburner in season 2 (THAT'S RIGHT CONFESS YOUR SINS, RAS!) largely because of the closing of her family's twisted storyline from season 1 as well as the Black Hood menace that terrorized the first half of season 2. However, he says there's much more Cheryl to come (lies.gif). From tonight's episode on, we'll see a "Gangbusters" style storyline for her. Is Cheryl going to be actively trying to stop the Southside Serpents, or teaming up with them against a bigger threat? Many fans want Cheryl to be with Serpent hottie Toni Topaz, and all signs have pointed to the two getting together, so just how Gangbusters can she get when her boo is in one? RAS also says that we'll get some culmination from Cheryl's moderately toxic obsession with Josie, and that it will pave the way for a new romance for her. Listen, RAS. Lesbians and bisexual women have been through enough in regards to their representation on TV. Is it so much to ask that we get a healthy wlw relationship that doesn't involve stalking, gaslighting, and cutting someone off from their beloved Pussycat sisters?
"Our minds can get so contaminated with endless images of perfection, and even if you don’t suffer from an eating disorder, it can’t hurt to incorporate a little body positivity into your routine." https://t.co/X8jq28Pfrj— Teen Vogue (@TeenVogue) February 7, 2018
Camila Mendes bravely opened up once again about her past struggles with body issues and an eating disorder, sharing an inspirational body positivity quote with a caption detailing her own personal struggles:
"...I’ve been following @thechainnyc - and having that constant reminder to love my body (especially on instagram where my feed is full of perfect pictures and “perfect bodies,” and especially being in front of a camera every day playing Veronica, who adores her tight mini skirts) is just enough to clear my head of all the negative voices that creep in every once in a while. Our minds can get so contaminated with endless images of perfection, and even if you don’t suffer from an eating disorder, it can’t hurt to incorporate a little body positivity into your routine. Take care of yourself in every way that you can..."
ONTD, what bonkers Riverdale moments are your favorite/least favorite?