This is PART 6 of a series revealing Lainey Gossip's many blind items!
If you don't know, a blind item is a piece of gossip that is too juicy or legally dangerous for a gosisp journalist to publis. So they write them as anonymous riddles and leave clues for you to guess. Lainey has revealed some of her best blind items on her blog, and this series is a ~master list~ of them.
More tea spilled at Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, and Part 4, Part 5.
CW: Animal abuse
THE THIRD PERSON
“What’s the measure of a truly obnoxious diva? The demands, yes. The attitude, of course. The sense of entitlement, absolutely.
But don’t forget a whole new way of speaking to go with a whole new level of success. Girlfriend has taken to talking about herself in the third person. Now think about how cloying this would be and imagine you were present during this recent, seemingly harmless discussion she had with her assistant. Let’s call her Judy, after my mother, shall we?
Judy: When is Judy’s call time tomorrow?
Staff: we’re gonna get you there for 7am.
Judy: 7am is too early for Judy. Judy’s going out late at that thing tonight? Can’t you move it for Judy? :
Staff: it’s a half day shoot and they could only get the permit until 2. Did you want me to see if I get you out of the meeting tonight?
Judy: No way, everyone’s gotta see Judy tonight!
And it keeps going and going and going. But don’t doubt for a second that she doesn’t know exactly what she’s doing. Because as much as the third person comes out to rule in private, the words “I” and “me” miraculously re-enter her lexicon as soon as it’s time to sell. Lifelong training and preparation has paid off…and like any true diva, this girl is a total pro.”
Ph.D in F
“Remember the dude who excelled with his tongue? Well, it looks like he has a female counterpart.
Some couples are pretty conventional. Others? Not so much. It helps when both are open minded and accepting of suggestions, don't you think? So when she was with her equally famous ex, he complained one night of her deficiency in the blowing department and to help her with it, he signed her up for private lessons with an F master. And the results were, um, mindblowing. But now that they're no longer together, she's taking her skills elsewhere…and the recipient of her oral gifts cannot believe his luck. So much so that when her new lover and her old one ran into each other at an event recently, Mr. Current actually THANKED Mr. Ex for the hook up. Yet another reason why the stupid idiot should be kicking himself for being so shortsighted…”
Ph. D in F, continued…
“Not only is she is a master at it, she's also a fiend. A few months ago, at a business lunch with a couple of her boyfriend's business associates, she apparently couldn't help herself, leaned over and whispered the following in her lover's ear (and this is NOT FOR THE PRUDISH): Baby, I am gonna suck it so hard when we get in the car.
Needless to say, their lunch dates were shocked...and just a little jealous.”
CHEAP & CRAFTY
“How can the privileged behave so poorly? Especially someone who sounds so elegant? Whose record has been spotless and golden?
Then again, it’s always the ones you least expect.
In her case however it’s become an M.O., a trail of cheapness wherever she goes.
So you know when you stay at a hotel, if the soap and bath products happen to be on the higher end, it’s customary to ask for a few refills and take some home? This of course is standard behaviour for US…because we’re broke!
But how about a busy, working actress, married to a busy working man, both with several projects on the go – does it then become less acceptable? Almost shameful? I think so yes.
And still she does it wherever she goes – on junkets, on promotional tours, whenever she’s at a hotel, she orders up extras: extra shampoo, extra lotion, even extra bathrobes, taking EVERYTHING home… yes, even the bathrobes. The bathrobes that are washed then used again by every guest staying in that suite, she insists on bringing it all with her. Including the gifts too.
She is also not shy with special requests. Lighting fixtures, humidifiers, strollers – kinda major items you’d think would be on loan, right?
She packs those up with her too. The woman leaves NOTHING behind.
The question is: what does she do with it all?
Would you believe she gives it to her staff? She saves the little soaps and gels and crafts them into small baskets and presents them to the nannies and the housekeepers as bonuses!
Can you imagine? Can you imagine a Christmas gift basket full of hotel shampoos and conditioners?
I mean How.F&cking.Tacky.”
Reveal 1 Reveal 2 Reveal 2 Reveal 4
IT’S EASY BUT IT’S NOT HARD
“Celebrities are surrounded all the time by beautiful women. Especially him. He boasts an impressive track record, minus one infection, and so you would think, for a regular, non famous girl, even a really, really beautiful non famous girl, it would be an insurmountable obstacle to catch his eye…right?
But just because it’s easy to attract him doesn’t mean it’s easy to … pleasure him. Turns out his libido doesn’t quite match up to the legend. And his prowess isn’t exactly the smoothest either. SO disappointing.
She and her girlfriends found him at a club in Vegas recently. Danced in front of his booth and eventually caught his eye. He sent over the bodyguard, they were invited to join, and soon everyone ended up in his suite, even though he’s supposed to have a sexy steady. On this night however he was playing single.
First he asked his evening’s target to give him a massage. She obliged. Eventually they ended up alone in his room. Making out turned to sex. He used a condom and went through the conventional motions. Highly unimaginative and even a little… gross?
Apparently our superstar superstud releases the most unpleasant sound effects. Grunts and groans and straight up no rhythm pounding, making it clear that without a cinematographer and a world class director, he isn’t exactly the undercover loverboy we all believed he was.
Like, no moves whatsoever.
Needless to say, his lame technique wasn’t getting him anywhere, so in relief he asked her to fondle his boys instead. By boys I mean balls. A gorgeous, willing girl in his bed, game for anything… and in the end he could only finish in his own hand in front of her.”
Reveal 1 Reveal 2 Reveal 3 Reveal 4
LEGENDARY TALES-- THEY ARE ALL TRUE
“Many of you love him… There is certainly a hint of dark sexual deviation about him. And his unabashed lack of inhibition would suggest a tendency to experiment with all kindsa crazy that would make most of us blush. One day not too long ago, he came home from work. Dinner was ready. His partner came to greet him and was pleasantly surprised that he wasn't alone. Two luscious females and a strapping young dude were standing at the door. A party of 5, if you will. (and no. it's not Matthew Fox or the other dude who played Bailey). Extra take out was quickly ordered. They all sat round the table to feast and before you know it, the wine took effect and the clothes started coming off and the food was passed around, only it was being passed around from mouth to mouth, and then from breast to mouth, and before long, we had a full on orgy on our hands. How do I know??? Well, the housekeeper found them in varying states of excess and undress the following morning.”
MORE LEGENDARY TALES
“Back to the orgiastic actor and his equally experimental partner. A couple of months after the aforementioned dinner party, he found himself in the company of a just divorced colleague who was looking to spice up her own life. Naturally, the legend invited her back to his place and as you would expect, when they arrived home, dinner was ready, the table was set, and his beautiful other half was ready to play. For some reason though, the girls ended up concentrating on each other only, leaving him to his own devices…and the digital recorder. Everything was captured on tape and, like the dog he is, he shared it with the buddies one night after a long evening of drinking.”
Reveal Reveal, Reveal
DOG EAT DOG
“Miss Bottom had two. Both of the same fierce breed. They say of this breed that they should never be left alone together. That inevitably only one will remain.
And this is what happened recently. One ate the other. The other is gone. Killed. Seeing as she has such a wonderful publicist however, this tragedy likely won’t see the light of day.
But every dog owner will tell you – they are like our children. We are responsible for our children. We are responsible for making sure they are safe.
Clearly her dogs were not safe. Clearly she was too busy publicising a romance rather than prioritising her pet.
Jessica Biel. Add ha to the irresponsible pet owners post.
It Matches Everywhere
“She's seen her fair share of trouble over the last year. I'm told however that things are on the up and up. Good for her. But as well as she's recovered, it certainly doesn't mean she's any less eccentric. And while her unique style doesn't work for me…it certainly adds some flavah to her image. And in Hollywood…it's all about what you look like on the outside.
Thing is, she also seems hellbent on matching what's hidden with what's not. The hair changes colour frequently. Which is fine. But can you believe that every time the hair goes a different colour, the pubes have to as well?? This is what's expected of her colour stylist. Not only a session with the head, but also with the P. As you can imagine, it's not a particularly pleasant job. Which is why the complaining has reached all the way here…
Oh and one more thing…how adorable. She has matching hair everywhere and yet she still sucks her thumb, as witnessed by fellow passengers on a recent flight. Typical little girl lost, non?"
Source, Source, Source, Source, Source, Source, Source, Source, Source, Source, Source, Source, Source, Source Source, Source, Source, Source, Source, Source, Source, Source, Source, Source, Source, Source, Source.