GOOP Finds Cure For Depression And Insomnia!



-Sentient steamed vagina and noted medical researcher, Gwyneth Paltrow, has done what scientists have been working tirelessly to figure out - she has found the cure to depression and insomnia!

-According to GOOP, walking around barefoot has positive health benefits (as long as you don't step on any rusty nails, used needles, or broken pieces of glass).

-Claims it's scientific! (it fucking isn't).

-Here's a direct quote from the website:

And while there’s a definite, if New-Age, appeal to the concept of energetically connecting with Mother Earth, there’s also a more scientific angle to the practice, which posits that access to the abundant supply of free electrons in the (subtly negatively charged) ground can help neutralize free radicals—if only we would take off our shoes and access them.


-Gwyneth herself SWEARS by grounding/earthing (because of course she fucking does).

-The problem is our SHOES, ONTD. Because we wear shoes with non-conductive soles that insulate our bodies from the earth:

The earth has an infinite supply of free electrons, so when a person is grounded, those electrons naturally flow between the earth and the body, reducing free radicals and eliminating any static electrical charge. The reason grounding is so powerful is it reduces and prevents inflammation from occurring in the body, which in turn prevents inflammation-related health disorders.


-Don't like leaving your home and going outside into that awful sunlight with all those awful people? That's okay! Because smack dab in the middle of the article, GOOP has placed an advertisement for a "grounding kit" sold by another company that offers a $200.00 "earthing fitted sheet" that you have to plug in (maybe? who fucking knows) and apparently that works as well as putting your feet into some fucking dirt! Just look at how NATURAL and HEALING this sheet looks!




ELECTRONS! MOTHER EARTH! NATURAL! SCIENCE! FREE RADICALS!



How much longer do you think GOOP can stay up and operational while still peddling possibly harmful medical advice, ONTD?
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