Picture the scene: Luigi Massi, master tailor for Atelier Versace, gets the call he’s been waiting for his entire career. Yup, it’s the Big One! It’s Angelina Jolie asking him to make her wedding dress! Opportunity knocks!
But no sooner does Signor Massi hop to it and present his boss Donatella’s magnificent designs to the beautiful bride, than the world-famous thespian, earth mother, humanitarian and all-round bonkers chick throws a wrench in the works.
“Vivienne, Knox and, indeed, all six of our children are such wonderful artists,” breathes Jolie, proudly wielding a finger painting of a hungry caterpillar. “And what better place to reflect their creative talents than my gown?”
At this point, Massi would have been forgiven for sobbing hysterically. The official line, however, is that he was only too happy to sew a random assortment of motorbikes, Eiffel towers, mouse-like creatures and other “charming” artwork onto the train and veil of Jolie’s silk frock.
While die-hard Brangelina fans are mooning sentimentally over this “exquisite expression of family love and dedication,” the rest of us are reaching for the sick bucket. MORE after the cut It’s one thing to assign your munchkins the traditional roles of page boy or flower girl, but trust uber-couple Brangelina to take it to the next level. The kids wrote the vows (we can only hope were less cringe-worthy than Brad and Jen’s in 2000, in which he promised to let her control the thermostat and Jennifer Aniston pledged to “always” fix him a banana milkshake). Ten-year-old Pax was even tasked with baking the cake, Jolie tells People, which bought exclusive US rights, alongside international partner Hello! magazine, to the “intimate” Aug. 23 nuptials in Correns, France. The ceremony was “an unusual situation” with “all eight of us getting married,” adds Jolie.
The Jolie-Pitts are no strangers to taking the whole attachment parenting thing to extremes, blithely trotting the globe to bring attention to various international issues, tribe in tow. In 2007, they bought an 11-ft.-wide bed to accommodate them and their four children at the time, and, in 2008, when Angelina was pregnant with twins Knox and Vivienne, their unruly older kids reportedly trashed the villa they were loaned by Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen because they were allowed to run wild.
At the time, Angelina shrugged and told Marie Claire: “Artists raise their children differently.”
Proving once again that family comes first, the pair are flying in the face of tradition by taking their kids on their honeymoon.
Except it’s a “working” honeymoon. The couple are set to start filming “By The Sea” in Malta this week. It’s their first onscreen reunion since 2005’s fateful “Mr. & Mrs Smith,” where they met.
Insiders reveal the newlyweds are at least holing up in a separate luxury villa — albeit a short walk from the place where their brood is staying with the usual entourage of drivers, nannies and bodyguards.
What more can we expect from their campaign to be the world’s most inclusive parents, whose kids need to share in their every experience? If Brad and Angelina do manage to snatch a few moments alone, get ready for an awfully crowded delivery room nine months from now for Baby No. 7.