The 21 (5) Most Important Celebrity Bulges Of All Time

All bulges are ranked and measured on a scale of zero to five Jon Hamms. Each celebulge was evaluated on its outline, girth, and prominence to determine its rank and the number of Hamms it deserved. [DISCLAIMER: Jon Hamm is not ranked on the list, as it would be completely unfair to everyone else to be ranked against the Rosetta Bulge.]

5. The Michael Fassbender

Why it’s important: Michael’s fasshionable meat locker is easily the best dressed bulge out there. This is one bad bulge you wouldn’t be afraid take to home to meet the parents.

4. The Cristiano Ronaldo

Why it’s important: The thought of playing with soccer balls was far less appealing before Ronaldo’s bulge first came onto the field and into our hearts.

3. The Zachary Quinto

Why it’s important: DO YOU SEE THAT?! HAROLD, DO YOU SEE THAT BULGE?! Who wouldn’t want to Trek into the darkness with this bulge?

2. The Justin Theroux

Why it’s important: This active bulge is threouxghly the most enjoyable bulge to watch. Once set in motion, its girth and shock factor make for an unforgettable and hypnotizing sway as it slaps against the surrounding thighs.

1. The Mark Wahlberg

Why it’s important: You would think the pressures of being the hottest bulge in Hollywood would be too much to handle, but not for Marky’s Mark! This perfectly symmetrical bulge stands erected next to Hamm’s as the most important bulge of all time. If you’ve got it, flaunt it.


What are your favorite celebrity bulges?