Ryan Gosling's "Lost River" drowns at Cannes

Hey girl -- your boy Ryan Gosling isn't having the best day.

The actor's directorial debut, Lost River was unveiled at the Cannes Film Festival on Tuesday, and let's just say that early reviews aren't as pretty as the actor himself.

But first: What is the 33-year-old's film about? As it turns out, that may be anyone's guess. As far as we can tell from the vague descriptions seeping out of the South of France, the film is set in a run-down town where a down-on-her-luck mother of two (Christina Hendricks) starts working at a sleazy nightclub. Meanwhile, her teenage son (Iain De Caestecker) pursues a relationship with a local girl (Saoirse Ronan), but the pair find themselves terrorized by a neighborhood bully (Matt Smith).

The Telegraph's Robbie Collin, who goes on to refer to the picture as "mouth-dryingly lousy," says the actor has delivered "a film so mind-bogglingly pleased with itself that the words 'five stars -- a masterpiece -- Ryan Gosling' might as well appear on the poster."

"Everyone knows that superstar success means that you are surrounded by people who don't say no to you," says Peter Bradshaw of The Guardian. "[Lost River] is colossally indulgent, shapeless, often fantastically and unthinkingly offensive and at all times insufferably conceited."


Oy vey, Cannes has been merciless this year but this sounds like a hot mess. Crying internally for Saoirse right now. And Doc Who himself as a hick bully? LOL.