Snap-Judging Andi Dorfman's Bachelorette Suitors

I'm worried for Andi Dorfman.

Don't get me wrong: snap-judging the Bachelor/Bachelorette contestants is always a highlight of my fiscal quarter, not least because of how incredibly un-copy-edited their bios are (What drunk intern is missing these typos? At one point, the word "door" is spelled "dloor"). But, perhaps like you, I liked Andi so much on Juan Pablo's train wreck of a season, I actually care about what happens to her. And I am not feeling optimistic about this group, who make their very toothy debut on Monday, May 19. Let's meet them, shall we?

This is Dylan (yum)

Among Dylan's favorite things are Connect Four and apple juice, so I'm thinking this is more of an adoption situation.

This is Emil/Anal.


Just a little about Emil, in his own words: "I prefer being the center of attention, not sure why. It bothers me when I see other people trying to be the center of attention." COOL YOU WILL MAKE A GREAT DAD.

This is Josh B.

Josh B. literally has no idea where he is right now. No idea whatsoever.

This is Patrick.

Patrick loves Halloween, because, as he puts it, "It's the one night a year everyone gets to be someone else." And after years of parting his hair like all his strapping investment banker cousins, calling his dad "sir," and disappointing everyone in the family by going to Cornell instead of Yale, Patrick really needs Halloween.

This is Brett.
I'm sorry, Brett, but what...




Did anyone else hate-watch this? LOL at Andi's emotional plea in the previews.