".@Beyonce and Jay Z announced their summer tour schedule. I don't think I'm ready for this jelly."
– Ellen DeGeneres, riffing off Destiny's Child anthem "Bootylicious" in response to the couple's upcoming joint summer tour, on Twitter
"The best one that's ever been done on the show ever."
– Jimmy Fallon, on Emma Stone's epic lip-synch performance to DJ Khaled's "All I Do Is Win," on The Tonight Show
"I'm looking at your teeth and I'm going, 'That's my brother!'"
– Michael Strahan to Keith Urban after watching a throwback clip of the gap-toothed teenage singer belting out Air Supply's "All Out of Love" for an Australian talent competition, on Live! with Kelly and Michael
"I thought it was about time!"
– Martha Stewart, on friend George Clooney's engagement to Amal Alamuddin, to PEOPLE
"Pose like Mommy!"
– Nick Cannon, sharing an adorable snapshot of 3-year-old daughter Monroe channeling mom Mariah Carey, on Instagram
"Think I'm kidding? Try calling it!! B––!!!"
– Blake Shelton, who upped the ante on his The Voice sparring partner Adam Levine when he posted the Sexiest Man Alive's cell phone number, on Twitter
"CBS and I are not getting divorced. We are 'consciously uncoupling.'"
– Craig Ferguson, who announced he's leaving his late-night talk show at the end of the year, on The Late Late Show
"We were on our way to Thailand to see my parents, flying commercial first-class. We were under a blanket. We weren't even in one of those pod things. I feel like we should get a trophy for that."
– Chrissy Teigen, on joining the mile-high club with husband John Legend, to Cosmopolitan
"The first time I met him I assumed he'd be a little f––er, but that was eight years ago."
– Seth Rogen, who admitted he didn't expect to like Neighbors costar Zac Efron, to PEOPLE
"As far back as i can remember, i always wanted to be a mean girl..."
– Lindsay Lohan, celebrating the 10th anniversary of Mean Girls, on Twitter
Which celeb had THE BEST quote this week?
Ellen's not DisinGenuous
DON'T BE TOO PROUD EMMA, Jimmy says this every week
Two Teeth Twins
Martha's sucking up to get exclusive Weddings photoshoot
Monroe <3 Mommy
Be sure to call Adam from a Payphone
Chrissy Teigen desperate for attention
Zeth Rofron will be their married name
lilo trying to make her relevancy happen
HAPPY FRIDAY, ONTD! :-) xoxo