Of course, we have to start off the second part of "The Real Housewives of Atlanta" reunion with an in-depth discussion about the Porsha vs. Kenya battle from this week. Don't you love it when Andy tells us (and, by extension, the ladies) that the show does not condone or excuse violence? Hahahahaha!
Anyway, Porsha's absence gives Kenya a lovely bully pulpit to play the classy, upstanding victim of Porsha's ghetto assault -- well, at least until Andy asks NeNe what she thinks. NeNe thinks Kenya was in violation of the rules by sticking a megaphone in Porsha's face, and Kandi (whom we know not to take kindly to anyone getting up in her face) is in total agreement. Kenya sniffs. They're just ganging up against her, a poor, downtrodden girl from Detroit who has had to fight for everything she has!
At this point, Phaedra and Kandi start playing Statler and Waldorf, which is just as much fun here as it is on "The Muppets." When Kenya starts getting ridiculous, Kandi mutters, "What is this? 'The Color Purple'?," while Phaedra joins in. Kenya doesn't seem to know how to respond to this. Attack her, and she can parry, but laugh at her? She's got nothing. Ladies, you've found a chink in her armor!
Still, Kenya isn't done yapping. "Violence against women on any level is wrong!" she says, as if she's running for public office. Andy concurs, and all the other women roll their eyes. I don't think anyone's glad Porsha put the beatdown on Kenya, but if they had to pick which Housewife they'd rather see return to the show, I think everyone's fine with the violent one.
Next, we move on to the "Bite-Size Brownie" Chuck storyline, which doesn't seem like a big deal until Kenya baits Phaedra with the news that the "head doctor" comment about her is in court records, and after some tit-for-tat, Phaedra snaps that Apollo doesn't stray with Kenya, aka "Barren Woman." Wow. I didn't think there was a belt to hit below on this show, but that might have been it.
Speaking of hitting below the belt, Mama Joyce joins the couch. She has lost forty pounds, which probably comes from eating a steady diet of hate. She raised her daughter to be a millionaire so she doesn't have to work! Momma got every kind of diamond! And a house paid off! And security! But it's all her money! What? She worked at a pie factory, but she has a buttload of money? She actually demands an apology from Cynthia for saying that Kandi supports her, but we never find out where the money is from if not from Kandi. So, um, Kandi supports her.
The conversation goes all kind of sideways when Kandi and Mama Joyce bicker about the time Mama Joyce took out credit cards in Kandi's name, and then Kandi gave her $700 a month (which Mama Joyce reveals as if it's tantamount to Kandi throwing peanuts at her head) which was then wasted on gambling and the Home Shopping Network. Just as it's getting interesting, Kandi shuts it down. She doesn't want to talk about it. I don't blame her. Mama Joyce still hatest Todd and wants to wear black to the wedding, but fine, they've clearly worked out their differences.
Moving on to NeNe vs. Cynthia, which seems to be a battle that didn't really get traction until after filming ended. Remember when NeNe and Cynthia were the best of friends? Yeah, that's kinda over. I guess that issue of NeNe calling Peter a bitch wasn't really resolved. NeNe thinks Cynthia's listening to too many other people, and she doesn't know where all of Cynthia's angst is coming from. Cynthia says the respect in their relationship is one-sided. I think that Cynthia has just been listening to the bigger bully in her life -- Peter -- and he'd probably be very happy for Cynthia not to have any further input.
Still, we've got to have the death of this friendship dragged out on national television. Cynthia points out she'd rush to NeNe's side if she saw her crying, but NeNe certainly didn't do that for her in Savannah. NeNe rolls her eyes. NeNe is NeNe! She doesn't do what she doesn't want to do! Cynthia cries, because she doesn't feel the respect! Um, she just noticed? I mean, they've been friends forever -- it's interesting that only when NeNe has the gall to insult Peter does Cynthia start examining this friendship. Anyway, NeNe doesn't want to discuss this on TV. These girls have nothing to do with our friendship!
But wait! They do! Kenya thinks this is a display of disrespect by NeNe, and even though NeNe had told Kenya she was done talking to her, they start screaming at one another until Andy cuts in. Yes, when Kenya says she's the best fighter on the show, I'd argue she's just the most skilled button-pusher.
So, even though NeNe doesn't want to talk about it, Andy is going to make sure she talks about it. Andy wants to know whether they can work it out. NeNe doesn't know, and Cynthia doesn't think it matters. Cynthia, I will say, gets pretty feisty in this discussion. (if by "feisty" they mean she morphs from beige to tan) Andy hopes they can work it out, but seriously, is it interesting if they do?
Surprisingly, Kenya hopes they can stay together and be friends! NeNe isn't buying that for a second, and I don't think Cynthia seems all that interested in patching up matters anyway. "I love her and the wish the best for her," she says, but she's acting like she just wants to be done with the whole mess. NeNe doesn't get it. But then, when does she ever?
Next week, husbands(good lord, there is a PART 3)
Kenya-stans b like...