Our Granola Guru's 5 Most Transcendent Teachings, Bought To You By Divergent in Theaters This Friday

When the stunning, young ingenue Shailene Woodley first appeared on our television screens in 2008 as Amy Juergens on the ABC Family smash hit The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I had no fucking clue because I don't watch shitty television. But when she took to the silver screen in 2011 with her vastly overrated performance in the equally overrated The Descendents I knew that I was going to have to learn to put up with this bitch whether I liked it or not. Luckily, reporters the world over have allowed Shailene to shine in interviews in a way in which he has never once shined on screen. Below, find 5 of Shai Shai's greatest quotes from the past year and like the sun upon your vagina let their warmth and light envelope you, keeping you free from yeast infections. ~ luvthatdrtywata

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“Another thing I like to do is give my vagina a little vitamin D. I was reading an article written by an herbalist I studied about yeast infections and other genital issues. She said there’s nothing better than vitamin D. If you’re feeling depleted, go in the sun for an hour and see how much energy you get. Or, if you live in a place that has heavy winters, when the sun finally comes out, spread your legs and get some sunshine.” INTO THE GLOSS

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“I think everything about my lifestyle is fairly alternative. I gather my own spring water from mountains every month. I go to a farm to get my food. I make everything from my own toothpaste to my own body lotions and face oils. I could go on for hours. I make my own medicines; I don’t get those from doctors. I make my own cheese and forage wild foods and identify wild plants. It’s an entire lifestyle. It’s appealing to my soul.” FLAUNT MAGAZINE

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“There is an herb called mugwort that I’ve tried, which is supposed to help enhance dreams. You can burn a little before bed or sleep on a mugwort pillow. It’s found in all parts of America, East Coast and West—anytime you see weeds growing through cracks in a parking lot, there’s probably mugwort. You can harvest it yourself, dry it, bundle it, and burn it like sage. Specifically, mugwort is associated with lucid dreaming, which I’ve experienced a few times. I’m no expert, but when I’ve tried it, I’ve used a technique where you fall asleep while knocking on a wall. Something about that keeps your brain awake while your body goes to sleep, inducing that great moment when you realize, Wow, I’m conscious of the fact that I’m dreaming." HARPER'S BIZARRE

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"I don’t even have a smartphone. I don’t even have a cellphone! And if I were to have one, it would be a flip-phone.” THE DAILY BEAST

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"But I first heard about the benefits of eating clay from a taxi driver. He was African and was saying that, where he’s from, the women eat clay when they’re pregnant. Seriously—ask your taxi drivers where they are from and about their customs. You will learn a lot." INTO THE GLOSS