"I'd let both those motherf–ers drown!"
– Jennifer Lopez, joking about which ex she'd save – either Diddy or Ben Affleck – if they were stranded in the ocean, on BigBoyTV
"I've found that a lot of girls have no issue with me being gay. They still want to marry me. And I love that."
– Neil Patrick Harris, on his female admirers' reaction to his sexual orientation, to Out magazine
"I'd also like to have Gisele's body just 'cause, why not?"
– Jennifer Aniston, on her desire to trade bodies with the Brazilian beauty for 24 hours, to Self magazine
"If I ran a third time, it'd be sort of like doing a third Hangover movie. Didn't really work out very well, did it?"
– President Barack Obama, tossing a zinger at actor Zach Galifianakis, on Funny or Die's Between Two Ferns
"The only woman who can truly say 'I woke up like this'"
– Ryan Seacrest, sharing a cute selfie with Muppets Most Wanted's Miss Piggy, on Twitter
"We asked people if they wanted to get their photo taken. We told them that it was for the NBC Top of the Rock website. We were lying."
– Host Jimmy Fallon, who photobombed unsuspecting tourists with Mad Men star Jon Hamm, on The Tonight Show
"I'm 40. I quit all my bulls–– at 22."
– Juliette Lewis, on moving beyond her troubled past, to PEOPLE
"You know how they always say whatever happens in Vegas stays in Vegas? But whatever happens in Canada, everybody knows."
– George Lopez, joking about his arrest last month for public intoxication, on The Ellen DeGeneres Show
"We're both very fiery, passionate people, so when we fight, it's like the Fourth of July!"
– Brooke Burke-Charvet, on how she keeps things exciting with hubby David Charvet, to Health magazine
"I would rather have Juan Pablo propose when he feels [ready], not because he felt like it was his only option. What we're creating is a real relationship."
– Final rose recipient Nikki Ferrell, who did not get an engagement ring from The Bachelor Juan Pablo Galavis during the show's season finale, to PEOPLE
Which celeb had THE BEST quote this week?
JLo, Diddy, and Bennifer walk into a bar...
NPH and his back-up plan
Jennifer's desire to be chiseled like Gisele
Ryan Seacrest, honorary Kardashian
Jimmy and Jonny goofin' around
JLew doesn't want to talk about who she used to screw
The Adventures of Liquor Lopez and the Cuddly Canadian Casino Carpet
Their passion burns
Someone buy Nikki a copy of He's Just Not That Into You
HAPPY PI FRIDAY, ONTD! 3.14! :-) xoxo If we were a flavor of pie, would we be Blueberry?