We mix celebrity and animal meats, grown in house through a proprietary culturing process, into curated salami blends. Starting with biopsied myoblast cells, we grow our healthy, rich, meats in Bite Labs’ own bioreactors. Our process yields high-quality, luxury protein, in a sustainable manner that eliminates the environmental and ethical concerns associated with traditional livestock production.
BiteLabs already has some delicious horrifying recipes in mind for their “big four” dream celebrity participants, Jennifer Lawrence (“this salami will never fail to entertain”), Kanye West (“best paired with strong straight bourbon”), James Franco (“smoky, sexy, and smooth”), and Ellen DeGeneres (“highly approachable and well-rounded flavor”).
But is this all just a totally insane hoax? Maybe not. Vice managed to contact BiteLabs and spoke to a “Kevin,” who claims that while BiteLabs wants to promote “widespread discussion about bioethics, lab-grown meats, and celebrity culture,” he is “100 percent serious” about “making celebrity meat a reality.”
Kevin also wants to know what other celebrities you might be interested in eating, so if you’re not throwing up into your mouth a little bit right now, tweet at BiteLabs with the hashtag #EatCelebrityMeat. Anyone could be next! Salami L. Jackson, Andouille Garfield, Beyoncewurst — the possibilities are endless!