Saint McConaughey greets the people
Matthew McConaughey apparently did not walk the red carpet for 25 minutes after arriving at the Globes. Instead, he signed autographs and posed for "selfies." And for that, the E! anchors Ross Mathews and Kelly Osbourne spoke of the "Dallas Buyers Club" actor as though he'd arrived with a limo full of orphans and the cure for cancer in his back pocket. Standing on the red carpet, apparently, does not help give anyone a healthy sense of perspective.
Living the Dream
"Mad Men" star Elisabeth Moss was asked to do E!'s famous (infamous?) mani-cam, and she finally became the first star to fulfill America's collective dream of giving the E! audience the finger in extreme close-up. Lucky for the cable channel, a quick-thinking director cut away at the last moment. Still, we all know what she did. And for that, a nation is grateful.
Jacqueline Bisset's long, strange journey
It only took two awards, but Jacqueline Bisset clearly gave the speech of the night with her long, rambling, occasionally PG-13 acceptance of the award for supporting actress in a role for television for the Starz series "Dancing on the Edge." First there was the seemingly endless walk from Bisset's seat somewhere in the darkest recesses of the International Ballroom, then there was the dramatic pause as she apparently gathered herself. And let's not forget the occasional swearing, the battle against the music that attempted to usher her off the stage and finally her mother's advice to her: "Go to hell and don't come back."
Carrey slams LaBeouf
Actor Shia LaBeouf's recent scandals were spared any jokes from Fey and Poehler in the show opening, but presenter Jim Carrey wouldn't let LaBeouf off the hook that easily. While introducing the nominated film "American Hustle," Carrey said, "Dying is easy. Comedy is hard. I think it was Shia LaBeouf who said that. So young, so wise."
Alfonso Cuaron's troublesome accent
Alfonso Cuaron accepted the award for best director for "Gravity" and told the audience how he told star Sandra Bullock, "Thank you for not quitting when I said Sandra, I'm going to give you herpes when I meant an earpiece."
Will Philomania sweep the nation?
Leonardo DiCaprio may have made the best mispronunciation of the night by calling the British film "Philomena" the much more jazzy "Philomania." While some may not have been interested in seeing a low-key story of a woman seeking her long-lost son, crowds may turn out in droves for the story of a British woman seeking her long-lost son and going nuts at the same time.
A '12 Years' relief
The powerful, hard-hitting "12 Years a Slave" was widely regarded as one of the year's best movies, but as the evening wore on, the film kept losing awards to others. By the time the night's final award was about to be handed out, the cast and crew of this slavery drama had all but given up hope. But then the final surprise of the night came when Johnny Depp read their name and the group, led by director Steve McQueen, came to the stage, understandably relieved and energized.
Jennifer Lawrence is all aflutter -- again
Jennifer Lawrence has proven herself to be a lovable goofball in the endless promotional tour for "American Hustle" and "Hunger Games: Catching Fire." And yes, her trip on the stairs at the Oscars further endeared her to viewers. But let's be honest, after you've won an Oscar, getting a Golden Globe is no reason to get nervous. So there's really no reason Lawrence should have been giving a speech from the Taylor Swift-Sarah Jessica Parker playbook when she accepted for supporting actress. Come the next awards show, Lawrence better be a little more jaded or that massive reservoir of goodwill toward her may start to dry up.
Aaron Paul's private hell
We're sure Aaron Paul loved it when his "Breaking Bad" character's signature line, "Magnets, bitch!" became a catchphrase. But now that the show is over, he's probably trying to make sure his career flourishes with diverse new roles. Unfortunately, Hollywood really is like high school, and his old friends just won't let that old thing go. Latest exhibit, "Breaking Bad" boss Vince Gilligan demanding Paul say, "Yeah, bitch!" on stage to celebrate the show's win for best drama. If he isn't careful, he'll find himself a decade from now opening a Wal-Mart in Terre Haute, Ind., with the words, "Bargains, bitch!"
Tina and Amy's opening monologue
By the time they were halfway through their opener, Tina and Amy had taken hilarious shots at everyone from Jonah Hill to Poehler herself. Nothing was safe: American Hustle ("alternate title: Explosion at the Wig Factory") and The Wolf of Wall Street ("If I wanted to see Jonah Hill masturbate at a pool party ... I'd go to one of Jonah Hill's pool parties") received a few notable jabs, but the best one-liner of the opener was aimed at George Clooney: "[he'd] rather float away in Space rather than spend one more minute with a woman his own age." Another high point? Knowing that we'll see the duo again in 2015.
Emma Thompson being a boss
Apparently the Golden Globes are universally popular among celebrities because there's no food and an open bar. Thompson was the best possible representative of the large group of British nominees when she showed everyone how elegance is done by sashaying up to the stage, martini in one hand and Louboutins in the other.
Amy Poehler sitting at the top of her game
Amy Poehler took a break from her busy hosting duties to dress in drag as Tina's illegitimate son Randy Fey. But then she also took a break – getting a massage from none other than Bono – to neatly nab the award for best actress in a comedy portraying Leslie Knope – the best character on television –on Parks and Rec. Not only is Poehler an amazing comedic actress, but she also spends a lot of time instilling a message of self empowerment and self esteem in young girls through her video series, Smart Girls at the Party. Which means we have high hopes for much more female representation at the 2024 Golden Globes.
Biggest Good Sport: Matt Damon walked out and announced, "It's me, the garbage man." (And later, he watched Melissa McCarthy do a goofy impression of him.)
Worst Prompter Fail: Jonah Hill and Margot Robbie were given the wrong intro for their presenting bit, but the pair gamely made do introducing the Wolf of Wall Street reading from a piece of yellow legal paper. That's worth an award, right? Come on, it's the Globes!
Most Unlikely Combination: We don't know why someone chose to put Kate Beckinsale, Usher and Sean "Diddy" Combs together, but we liked it—especially because the ebullient Diddy seemed ready to take over hosting the show. (Though Bono might have his own ideas about that.)
Most McConaughey: Super-handsome and charming Matthew McConaughey won the Best Actor award and then got kissed by his beautiful wife Camila and gave a rousing, rambling, crowd-pleasingly folksy speech that was SO MCCONAUGHEY we couldn't imagine anyone else having won.
Most Bittersweet Thanks: Chris Martin got a shout-out from U2 for helping them win the Best Original Song category…which beat his own song for Hunger Games: Catching Fire.
Though a Runner-Up Might Be: David O. Russell and American Hustle did pretty well through the night, but it was a little surprising to hear Best Original Screenplay winner Spike Jonze thanking Russell for all his help on Jonze's winning script.
Least Likely Outcome: Now we have to call Andy Samberg "Golden Globe Award-winning actor person Andy Samberg," which is not how we saw this night finishing up.
OK, No, Really the Worst Least Likely Outcome: We love Andy Samberg so we can live with his surprise win, but in what universe does Brooklyn Nine-Nine win Best Comedy Series over Modern Family, Parks & Recreation, Girls and Big Bang Theory? Samberg, we'll have what you're having.
Elisabeth Moss Was Finally Rewarded for Giving the Best Acting Performance of the Year.
After traveling from what seemed like New Zealand (though blessedly faster than Jacqueline Bissett), Elisabeth Moss won the most deserved award of the night for her performance in Top of the Lake. After being egregiously overlooked by every awards organization year after year for her work on Mad Men, she exclaimed “Holy shit” once she got on stage—the second bleep in 26 minutes for this year’s Globes. If you listened closely during the bleep, you can faintly hear Jacqueline Bissett still giving her speech.
Amy Adams Was Perfect
Amy Adams’ speech was the aural version of a hug. And after she gave it, we 100 percent wanted to give her one back. And many, many more. Can it be Amy Adams who wins all the awards now?
Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Emma Thompson Stole the Show
Julia Louis-Dreyfus smoked an e-cigarette while sitting with the film actors for her Best Actress in a Motion Picture Drama nomination. She ate a hot dog while sitting with the TV actors for her Best Actress in a TV Comedy nomination. Both bits were hysterical. Emma Thompson presenting later in the night while swilling a martini and carrying her heels is Louis-Dreyfus’s only rival for the night’s best scene-stealer.
Reese Witherspoon Introduced Best Drama-Winner 12 Years a Slave
Reese Witherspoon introduced Best Drama nominee 12 Years a Slave because … wait, what? It was a delightfully ridiculous choice by the HFPA. The film went on to win Best Drama. Witherspoon was not thanked in the speech.