10 Reasons 2014 Will Be The Best Year In Entertainment. Ever.

I was thinking about 2014, that bizarre, space-age year we’re now enjoying, and it occurred to me: This is going to be the best year ever.

Need proof? I’ve assembled a list of 2014′s upcoming perks, and they’re so awesome that I am now writ

4. Cate Blanchett is going to win everything and save the glamor of award shows.

Cate Blanchett will win her second Oscar for Blue Jasmine, and that means we’re in for a fabulous awards season. She has the grace of Katharine Hepburn and a versatility that — pardon my stridency here — blows even the legendary Katharine Hepburn out of the water. Plus, her cheekbones are Gothic marvels. Flying buttresses dappled with rouge. Her wins will also boost an interest in A Streetcar Named Desire, and that’s going to save society.

5. Neil Patrick Harris will out-cabaret Cabaret in Hedwig and the Angry Inch.

Neil Patrick Harris has unofficially owned Broadway ever since becoming the Tonys’ most reliable and daring emcee, but now he’s going to certify his dictatorial reign with a starring role in John Cameron Mitchell‘s beloved musical. I always support the overt sexualization of NPH. When you basically become the assigned champion of gay entertainers, sometimes you’re obligated to sacrifice sexiness for palatability. That’ll change with this wicked romp on the Great White Way. Phew.

6. There’s going to be a Veronica Mars movie, and Jamie Lee Curtis is in it for some reason.

Love Veronica Mars, Kristen Bell, and my main thug Logan Echolls. Love Jamie Lee Curtis. And now, the two tastes will swirl in an Activian colloid of digestible goodness. Maybe Jamie Lee’s the scary-ass killer? I cannot wait.

8. Meryl Streep is going to bedevil you with she-devil antics in Into the Woods.

The world’s not good enough for this photo. Meryl Streep, fresh off her role as Vicodin-Blasted Paula Deen in August Osage County, is back with an even more macabre role: The Witch in Into the Woods. Evil Meryl is a commanding force. Until I have a reason not to, I’m calling this film The Devil Wears Horrifying Press-Ons.

10. Angelina Jolie is some sort of Mega Angelina Jolie Droid Ox in Maleficent.

I don’t know who green-lit Maleficent or even yellow-lit it, but thank God. What is this? How is this real? How is Angelina Jolie starring in a movie that looks like A Midsummer Night’s Dream staged inside an Evanescence video? Is that coat secretly a leftover item from Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow? This movie is a microcosm for 2014 in general: Don’t ask questions. Just accept that whatever’s going on is shocking and simply the best.

Whole list at the source