"It would look slightly pathetic if I tried to squeeze back into the Elf tights."
– Will Ferrell, shooting down rumors of a sequel to his 2003 hit holiday movie, on Watch What Happens Live
"Relationships are kind of like riding a bull – you hold on for dear life. Sometimes you get a little buck here and there, but you get back on."
– Katy Perry, who costarred (and rode a mechanical bull) in the music video for "Who You Love" with boyfriend John Mayer, on Good Morning America
"It should be illegal to call somebody fat on TV."
– Jennifer Lawrence, taking aim at body bullies, during an appearance on Barbara Walters's The 10 Most Fascinating People of 2013 special
"It's not how I saw the dream of my time with Meryl Streep. But she was a worthy opponent. She was not going down without some scratches and some heels in thighs."
– Julia Roberts, who tackled fellow Oscar winner Streep to the ground in their new film, August: Osage County, to E!
"Growth. Love. Happiness. Fun. Enjoy your life, it's short."
– Beyoncé, on the message behind her buzzy surprise album, in a video on YouTube
"Let's hope he doesn't forget I'm still going to have the lap he can always sit in."
– Blake Shelton, poking fun at pal Adam Levine's recently acquired Sexiest Man Alive status, on The Voice
"Unless someone's watching you give birth, I don't think they want to make the wrong call."
– Olivia Wilde, on people going to great lengths to avoid mentioning her pregnancy, on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
"I wanted to be [husband] number eight, but we ran out of road."
– Colin Farrell, on his relationship with the late Elizabeth Taylor, on The Ellen DeGeneres Show
"It was so fun wearing a fat rock for a few years."
– Miley Cyrus, reflecting on her broken engagement to Liam Hemsworth, on Barbara Walters's The 10 Most Fascinating People of 2013 special
"I don't go to church for scripts. I go for scripture, but not scripts."
– Mark Wahlberg, who gets hounded with potential projects during mass, on Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Which celeb had THE BEST quote this week?
YOU SIT ON A THRONE OF LIES
Katy's metaphor is BS
The Oscar Queens
I overheard someone in Target this week say 'gurl, did you hear what Queen Bey did last night?" WAS IT YOU?
Ambiguously Gay Duo
Olivia growing Wilde-life inside
Do you think Liz would want Colin after seeing his tape?
Miley's head is full of fat rocks
Marky Mark: still a lyrical genius
HAPPY FRIDAY, ONTD! :-) xoxo