Catfish (Aalyiah & Alicia): The Con Artist in the Closet With the iPhone

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Are we meeting Catfish’s first lesbian couple tonight? Meet Aaliyah. One of the sweetest girls to ever appear on the show. She’s experiencing her first love with a girl named Alicia who lives just 70 blocks away. Problem is, Alicia isn’t “out” and refuses to met her. She enlists the help of Nev and Max, who hop on a plane to Oakland to do some sleuthing.

Recap

This week’s Catfish was one long “you’re probably getting played if … ” list. Say it with me now: I will not buy an iPhone for my girlfriend I’ve never met, despite the fact that we live in the same city.

Now that that’s out of my system, let’s meet Aaliyah. The high school student has fallen on some hard times, her family being evicted chief among them, but it’s clear she has a big heart. The problem with big-hearted folks is that they want to love, and they trust. Cue Alicia, Aaliyah’s first love and girlfriend in theory only. They text and talk on the phone, but they’ve never met, though they both live in Oakland. Alicia manipulates Aaliyah with the closeted card, telling her that others can never know about them.

Aaliyah accepts that for a while, but by the time she calls Max and Nev, she needs the charade to end. “I cannot continue having a relationship through a mobile phone,” Aaliyah says, adding that she doesn’t even have a computer at the moment (since she’s moving around so much). “How we gonna move in with each other if I can’t even take her out?” Max, the gentle optimist he is, persists, “I think this is a love story that wants to happen.”

Based on Alicia’s well-populated and corroborated presence on social media (holy crap, the Instagram selfies), it’s pretty clear from the start that she is, in fact, a real person. Nev and Max come in, send a few Facebook messages, and bam, a sister, an ex-boyfriend, and a sister of an ex-boyfriend come calling. Now, Alicia’s sister Allyi is not having this bisexual business. “Oh my!” Allyi says when Nev and Max suggest her sister is dating a woman. “No one in our family would approve of her being gay, either.” It seems Alicia has been dating a dude — an actual IRL male — for about a year. Also: “Alicia don’t have a job — I think she’s still trying to find herself.” (Aaliyah was under the impression that Alicia worked at a nursing home, though Aaliyah has had to lend Alicia money.)

Nev and Max report back to Aaliyah with news of Alicia’s boyfriend, at which point Aaliyah suggests she is the boyfriend. They patiently explain that Alicia’s boyfriend is the sort who exists outside of a phone screen. Also, you know, a boy. Aaliyah remains skeptical. The delusion is not only palpable, it’s downright sad.

The boys call Alicia, who exhibits the first of many examples of sociopathic behavior: “What if I don’t want to meet her?” This went beyond cold feet. When the girls do finally meet, it is among one of the ugliest meet-ups ever seen on Catfish. Alicia, annoyed she even has to do this shit, does not hold back: It was a lie; there’s nothing with us; I did it to get stuff from you; I only care about me. Alicia could not even keep a straight face, that’s how much she appeared to not take this seriously. It was all smirks and fake eyelash flutters and unnecessary cruelness.


Aaliyah’s Delusion Score (out of 10): 9.1 – I mean … she tries to convince Max and Nev that she is Alicia’s boyfriend.

Alicia’s Delusion Score (out of 10): Her perception of reality is so self-serving, delusion is the least of her worries.

Outcome: No catfish, but hey, at least we caught a snapper!

Full recap here

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Catfish Poll: Does Alicia care more about Aaliyah than she's willing to admit?

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catfish the other side

Sources 1, 2, 3, 4

catfish you have a boyfriend
catfish nothing to say laugh
Is she wearing Mhissy's lipstick? I'm having flashbacks rn.