It’s another week and another episode of MTV’s Catfish. This week, we’re heading to Iowa to meet Jennifer. Jennifer is an adorable and bubbly girl who has fallen for a boy named Skylar. She met Skylar online when she turned to an online gaming community as an outlet to get away from her bullying. I love Jen. Nev loves Jen. Max loves Jen. It’s a bummer she’s bullied.
Catfish Jen and Skylar Recap:
Jen’s gaming avatar has a gold money chain and she utters the phrase “Hey, Boo.” Max did not see that coming. Jen, apparently, has game. But Skylar could be a 50 year old man. The only thing we know for sure, is that Skylar Hazen is not Tyler Faison, the bald ginger camera man in the background. Or is he?
The guys start by looking up Skylar’s phone number and come up with nothing. Same with an image search. A phone call to Skylar’s school reveals he is not currently enrolled. The duo discover a Facebook account for Skylar Hazen and it’s a 19 year old kid with a girlfriend. They reach out to one of his friends and when this kid realizes MTV is snooping, he reaches out to “Niv” himself to get his 15 minutes.
At this point, the kid claims it isn’t him. The guys are back to square one and go back to Jen’s house with no new information. Has this ever happened before?
Jen is super frustrated and the dramatic music has begun. I know she’s bummed but Nev and Max look really good. Max is on a couch cuddling with a puppy and I almost miss his sassy bitterness. Almost.
“…Can I have my dog?” Ha! Sorry, Max.
Nev decides to just call Skylar and talk to him on his own. Skylar panics when he realizes he’s talking to MTV royalty. Or because he’s caught in a lie. He’s “busy” and doesn’t want to deal with this during finals.
The next day, for some reason, perhaps with the incentive of a paycheck, Skylar miraculously changes his mind and agrees to meet Jen.
Off to San Francisco we go.
The Meet Up
They knock on the door and out comes Bryan. Jen’s face is hilarious. I mean, the guy isn’t ugly or anything. He just looks like he lacks a few chromosomes. Perhaps the ones that supply emotion.
He’s just a huge asshole. Jen looks like she wants to chop his dick off. She’s not the only one.
Some of the gems in the exchange are as follows:
Bryan: I have no emotional feelings towards her. I could never have a romantic relationship with her.
Max: Then why the fuck are we here?
The sass! It’s back! And in full force. Bryan likes to hook girls to chat and then never speak to them again. He wanted to “brush up his game.”
Nev: You realize this makes you look like a huge asshole right?
The guys are PISSED. I am loving this.
Nev: I don’t really give a fuck about you wanting to come clean and set the story straight about all the other girls you’re being a dick to. Why did I bring this awesome, amazing girl here for you to clear your conscience?
Max continues to give the guy a verbal beat down when Nev leaves with an “Ugh, I don’t really care anymore.”
There's a bunch of stuff they had to cut out of the episode for legal reasons... I may have overstepped my bounds.— Max Joseph (@maxjoseph) July 31, 2013
Just when you think it’s over, Bryan gives us this gift:
Bryan: I was giving her the gift of talking to me.
At this point, I really think Max will hurl his camera at this guy’s junk.
Max: You’re going to have a shallow, miserable existence and the world will think you’re a douche bag.
I am weeping at the perfection. I don’t even miss the puppy.