4:11 pm - 05/31/2013

The 10 worst summer movies ever

Summer is the time for big-budget movies, where things like a good story and plot often play second fiddle to special effects and noise.

Not always. “Jaws” and “Star Wars” were great, after all. But there have been some real summer stinkers. Here are the worst 10 ever.

10. “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” (2009): Where to start, where to start? Remember when we were talking about big and loud and dumb? There’s that. And there’s Shia LaBeouf. And a couple of transforming cars that were racially offensive. Naturally, it made a mint.

9. “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” (2008): Nothing like taking your expectations and ripping them like a still-beating heart out of your chest. Wait, that was another Indiana Jones movie. This was the one that, after years and years, brought Harrison Ford and Steven Spielberg back. (And added Shia LaBeouf! A summer constant!) Everyone remembers the stupid hide-in-a-refrigerator-to-escape-a-nuclear-blast bit, but really, the whole thing was pretty dumb.

8. “Howard the Duck” (1986): For some reason, this is now known as “Howard: A New Breed of Hero.” Probably to distance it from our memories. Lea Thompson, who was a pretty hot commodity at the time, starred, though not as the duck. That might have been better. Based on a Marvel comic about a walking, talking duck who winds up on Earth, it made hardly any sense, which, in retrospect, also was true of Thompson’s hairdo. If a duck has to talk, we’ll go with Daffy and Donald, thanks.

7. “Waterworld” (1995): The subtitle could be “Or, Kevin Costner’s Ego.” Costner was one of the biggest stars going at the time, but this was one of the first of many chinks in his armor. Costner played the Mariner, a sort of fishlike man. His pal Kevin Reynolds directed (though, supposedly, so did Costner, which was probably part of the problem). It’s a future world where the icecaps have melted and the Mariner has to help glug glug glug. Someone should have pulled the plug.

6. “Pearl Harbor” (2001): Maybe the Michael Bay-iest of Michael Bay movies. This did no favors for anyone involved. Ben Affleck and Josh Hartnett play childhood friends who both fall for the same woman (Kate Beckinsale). Oh, and there’s that air attack that brought the U.S. into World War II. Details, details.

rest of the list at the source
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warsawed 31st-May-2013 08:16 pm (UTC)
um wow @ this pearl harbor shade
whutness 31st-May-2013 08:34 pm (UTC)
kewljules00799 31st-May-2013 08:36 pm (UTC)
"Pearl Harbor is a two-hour movie squeezed into three hours, about how on December 7, 1941, the Japanese staged a surprise attack on an American love triangle."

-Roger Ebert

Edited at 2013-05-31 08:36 pm (UTC)
colorstoobright 31st-May-2013 09:16 pm (UTC)
yurasama_love 31st-May-2013 09:20 pm (UTC)
This truth.
wizard_alien 31st-May-2013 09:24 pm (UTC)
Truth! I miss this man.
iamglory 31st-May-2013 09:32 pm (UTC)
TRUTH...I will miss this man.
365reasonswhy 31st-May-2013 09:32 pm (UTC)
I loved his reviews, even when I didn't agree with him.

But this one is spot on.
joc_strap 31st-May-2013 09:57 pm (UTC)
mte wtf
champagnexdream 31st-May-2013 08:17 pm (UTC)
Whatev, I loved Batman & Robin and I have no shame about it.
0rdinaryvanity 31st-May-2013 08:28 pm (UTC)
same. it's always a fun viewing experience.
fwee_prower 31st-May-2013 08:28 pm (UTC)
I hated it for the fact that bane was barely there but as a henchman plus they made Barbara blonde and a niece of Alfred, plus that Alfred was dying.

I did enjoy uma and all the ice puns.
champagnexdream 31st-May-2013 08:30 pm (UTC)
Yeah I didn't really have an idea of like ~comic Batman and I was 12 so I was like, this is amazing, lol. Most because of Uma and the ice puns, yeah.
buffy_usa 31st-May-2013 09:13 pm (UTC)
holy rusted metal, batman
hauntao 1st-Jun-2013 04:47 pm (UTC)
turkish_popstar 31st-May-2013 08:39 pm (UTC)
I'm not even joking when I say it's way more entertaining than any of Nolan's Batman movies, and it makes more sense than the last one he did..
tsarinakate1 31st-May-2013 08:43 pm (UTC)
I fucking loved it as a kid, and its still one of my favs!
badass4pres 31st-May-2013 08:49 pm (UTC)
I had funny-feelings everytime Uma Thurman appeared on the screen, no lie. Took me years to understand what was happening~
lilfinga 31st-May-2013 08:50 pm (UTC)
same here.

i was obsessed with batman when i was little and idgaf that movie was my shit that summer. i even got the poptarts tie-in they did.
zoaster_toaster 31st-May-2013 09:37 pm (UTC)
For all the dumb in it, B&R is definitely watchable in a fun way.
bulbasaur 31st-May-2013 09:58 pm (UTC)
me too

my fav batsuit
morgan90 31st-May-2013 08:17 pm (UTC)
Both of the SATC movies are such messes. Just absolute shit on every level
fwee_prower 31st-May-2013 08:22 pm (UTC)
Image and video hosting by TinyPic
calinewarkwc69 31st-May-2013 08:29 pm (UTC)
I thought the first one was great, but the second was so unnecessary. I mean, at least the first one had a legit story to tell, the second one they just threw together for a payday.
sunsettwist 31st-May-2013 08:40 pm (UTC)
satc was far from perfect but i enjoyed watching it overall. can't say the same for satc 2.
liddlebins 31st-May-2013 08:53 pm (UTC)
the first one was definitely better than the second, but the second one made me wish the first one had never been made
zoaster_toaster 31st-May-2013 09:38 pm (UTC)
I didn't totally mind the first one, as it sort of made a weird sense given how the show ended, but the second one was definitely shit. Either way, it was a terrible idea to make SATC films to begin with.
endingonfire 31st-May-2013 10:09 pm (UTC)
I enjoyed the first one for what it was, but I didn't see the second because I knew it would be terrible. And apparently I was right lol
maybutler 31st-May-2013 10:16 pm (UTC)
I liked the first one.
kampfbaby 31st-May-2013 11:51 pm (UTC)
beatlesluv 1st-Jun-2013 03:41 am (UTC)
I enjoyed them both b/c I loved seeing them interact (even though the plot - particularly the second one - was shit). I have both DVDs and I'm not ashamed. :D
starisee 1st-Jun-2013 07:32 am (UTC)
This made me bust up laughing cause of that Charlotte shit moment in Mexico.
manicpixiegirl 31st-May-2013 08:17 pm (UTC)
LOL at the mess that is Pearl Harbor
hipster_douche 31st-May-2013 08:21 pm (UTC)
Funny considering you wanted/almost got the lead.
imnotasquirrel 31st-May-2013 08:18 pm (UTC)
the other movies are:

5. Catwoman (2004)
4. The Last Airbender (2010)
3. Star Wars: Episode 1 - The Phantom Menace (1999)
2. Batman & Robin (1997)
1. Sex and the City 2 (2010)
torontok 31st-May-2013 08:20 pm (UTC)
lmao, right as we were shading the fuck out of the last airbender in the other post
wizard_alien 31st-May-2013 09:26 pm (UTC)
If any movie deserves shade its that one.
rlmoonyk 31st-May-2013 08:22 pm (UTC)
the last airbender is the definition of a mess
fwee_prower 31st-May-2013 08:23 pm (UTC)
Hey bday girl can you also post the commentary cuz it's hilarious.
mutterby 31st-May-2013 08:30 pm (UTC)
i can't believe i got talked into seeing sex in the city 2, taking into account,

a, i never saw the first one

b, i'd never even seen one tv episode

these girls assumed because i was gay i would love it. bitch i know shit when i see it.
isuspectnargels 31st-May-2013 09:10 pm (UTC)
sviibwhapp 31st-May-2013 09:38 pm (UTC)
those are in the post
hemsworth 31st-May-2013 09:55 pm (UTC)
lmao batman & robin was so awful but it was one of those movies i would watch all the time on VHS just because it was awful and hilarious as fuck
mistress_f 31st-May-2013 08:19 pm (UTC)
accurate list. although waterworld did have potential, what a mess it turned out to be.
hoechlingurl 31st-May-2013 08:20 pm (UTC)
Sex and the City 2 is literally the black hole of the world. I didn't think any movie could out do The Room as the worst movie I had ever seen but alas-
myharu 31st-May-2013 08:20 pm (UTC)
lol Waterworld
riley_ichijouji 1st-Jun-2013 01:55 am (UTC)
I liked waterworld tho..
myharu 1st-Jun-2013 01:58 am (UTC)
I used to watch it a lot when I was a kid and then I saw it when I was older and all I can really do is laugh at it now
fwee_prower 31st-May-2013 08:20 pm (UTC)
This was the first time I ever posted half a list. I only did it for satc. Even though I never watched it or planned to. But I read the list and I fucking agree to every movie on this list. Especially avatar the last airbender
janejane_jane 31st-May-2013 09:15 pm (UTC)
are we not allowed to have full lists anymore?
uguukawaii 1st-Jun-2013 08:09 am (UTC)
no its a new rule the sources get mad that ontd gets the traffic not them so you cant post the full thing
avenger_aborted 31st-May-2013 08:20 pm (UTC)
I dont care i still love pearl harbor. 2001 josh harnett could get it
miss_almost 31st-May-2013 09:15 pm (UTC)
never saw pearl harbor but he could definitely get it in the virgin diaries. that velvet suit and that car with "crazy on you" playing from the radio? YES PLEASE.
knighthowl82 31st-May-2013 08:20 pm (UTC)
Transformers 2 is the only movie that has almost made me walk out. I didn't because I paid but man those 2 1/2 were horrible. I was so bored.
liddlebins 31st-May-2013 08:35 pm (UTC)
i saw it at midnight, i was tired and the seats were comfortable

i actually think i fell asleep, that's the only reason i stayed through the whole movie
theflyers 31st-May-2013 08:49 pm (UTC)
I've only walked out of a movie once, that movie was Sweeny Todd. I just couldn't handle it anymore and my friend was more than willing to give up with me.
familyjules 1st-Jun-2013 01:36 am (UTC)
My friend and I went and saw Sweeny Todd without knowing anything about it other than it was Johnny Depp and Tim Burton... holy hell that was a mistake. Neither of us are fans of musicals so it was a rough time.
milkradio 1st-Jun-2013 06:28 am (UTC)
omg this makes me so sad because I actually loved that movie and I'd never seen the musical before.
colorstoobright 31st-May-2013 09:19 pm (UTC)
i only walked out on a movie once, and it was john carter.
zoaster_toaster 31st-May-2013 09:41 pm (UTC)
I almost walked out on "Bruno" (or rather the friend that went with me wanted to walk out multiple times and I begging him to stay with me so I wouldn't be the only one in the theater made to suffer through that monstrosity).
raunchyb 31st-May-2013 10:00 pm (UTC)
I've never walked out of a movie, but I almost did with The Heartbreak Kid. I actually regret not leaving during it - what an awful waste of time.
ben_superdetka 31st-May-2013 10:32 pm (UTC)
you clearly haven't seen Transformers 3
meow_tan 1st-Jun-2013 01:39 am (UTC)
transformers 3 is the only movie ive seen in theaters that ive absolutely hated
irenenesser 1st-Jun-2013 02:03 am (UTC)
That's the only movie I've walked out of. And it was at midnight too.
artemis_archer 1st-Jun-2013 10:40 pm (UTC)
The same is true for me, only one I've seriously considered leaving the theater. I took a catnap instead, it was SO boring.

Also sexy sexy icon you've got there :)
la_petite_singe 31st-May-2013 08:21 pm (UTC)
Glad to say I've only seen Phantom Menace, Batman & Robin and Indiana Jones. I made it through the first SatC movie, but that was it for me. Lawd.
rlmoonyk 31st-May-2013 08:21 pm (UTC)
I watched Pearl Harbor like a hundred times as a kid...so ashamed
In my defense I was like 12 and just getting into my ww2 interest
poopanna 31st-May-2013 08:23 pm (UTC)
Howard the Duck is great. Stop shitting on my childhood.
fwee_prower 31st-May-2013 08:24 pm (UTC)
Everything is great as a child. Then you grow up and watch it and realize. What is this shit.
poopanna 31st-May-2013 08:35 pm (UTC)
Not everything is great as a child. I hated Clifford the asshole red dog.

And I own HtD on DVD. Awesome-bad movies are fun, like Troll 2.
imnotasquirrel 31st-May-2013 08:38 pm (UTC)
except heavyweights.
stormer1_1 31st-May-2013 11:39 pm (UTC)
As an Eighties child I can fully attest to this fact.
misslilia84 31st-May-2013 08:38 pm (UTC)
IKR, what are they going to tell me "3 ninjas" is garbage as well?

*Rocky loves Emily*
misslilia84 31st-May-2013 08:24 pm (UTC)
Howard the Duck is amazing...
poopanna 31st-May-2013 08:35 pm (UTC)
loverof_all2121 31st-May-2013 09:52 pm (UTC)
That movie will forever haunt my sister and I.
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