When you break up with a long-term squeeze, you both go your separate ways and redefine yourselves as ostentatiously as possible. Why should former tween stars Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens be any different simply because they are blemishless dollfaces, indistinguishable from their own action figures? One-time sweethearts both on-screen, as power-ballad-crooning Troy and Gabriella in Disney's High School Musical films, and off (2006-10), the pair now star in challenging new movies that put some distance between their virtuous younger selves, that squeaky-clean franchise and one another. But which of them has done the more comprehensive job of sullying their image?
Zac: Stars in The Paperboy, directed by Lee Daniels, who was previously Oscar-nominated for Precious. Sully score: 1/10
Vanessa: Stars in Spring Breakers, directed by Harmony Korine, who once shot footage of himself provoking strangers into beating him up. Sully score: 6/10
OP here: if you haven't seen any of these movies and intend to do so, be warned - this is full of SPOILERS!
Zac: Plays a student expelled for letting the water out of the college swimming pool. 1/10
Vanessa: Says: "Fuck school. Just fuck it," while smoking dope during a three-way bisexual pool romp. 9/10
Zac: Rolls around in his white underwear while Macy Gray watches. 3/10
Vanessa: Holds up a diner using hammers, then sits in her knickers in the loot groaning: "All this money makes my mouth wet." Only she doesn't say mouth. 7/10
Zac: Sleeps with Nicole Kidman. 5/10
Vanessa: Sleeps with everyone. 9/10
Zac: Gets peed on by Kidman. 9/10 (But it was first aid: he got stung by jellyfish: -5)
Vanessa: Becomes James Franco's love slave, moll and Uzi-toting soldier. 9/10 (No mitigating circumstances whatsoever: +5)
(yeah, I'm skipping that other gif...)
Zac still hasn't quite graduated from High School Musical. Vanessa, on the other hand, has turned so convincingly sleazy that even John Waters probably wouldn't even cast her now. Go, girl!
So this was one of the most pointless articles I've ever seen in The Guardian (or anywhere, really) but 1) it was kinda funny and 2) it was an excuse to make a Spring Breakers related post. I saw it this weekend and LOVED IT. Did you guys watch it? If so, did you love it / hate it / thought it was just meh? And what about The Paperboy? (still haven't watched that one)
Oh, and this is first my first ever post here so go easy on me, okay? <3