"The resemblance Is terrifying."
– Miley Cyrus, comparing herself to the villainous Lord of the Rings character, on Twitter
"Hey @mirandalambert ... I just read in a tabloid that our marriage is falling apart!!! FOCK!!!"
– Blake Shelton, humorously addressing breakup rumors with wife Miranda, on Twitter
"He and I got into a conversation and he said something and I said something, and then he said something and I said something, and I made him cry."
– David Letterman, who reduced Justin Bieber to tears, on his late-night talk show
"Well, that makes two of us!"
– Selena Gomez, admitting that she too made her ex cry, to David Letterman
"Lindsay was late once again for her court appearance, by almost an hour. I blame the judge … Who in their right mind would schedule a Lindsay Lohan court appearance for the morning after St. Patrick's Day?"
– Jay Leno, taking a jab at Lindsay Lohan's latest legal woes, in his monologue
"When it comes to my dancing, I hate to admit it, but there's a lot of booty poppin' involved."
– Vanessa Hudgens, on how she gets moving on the dance floor, on the Tonight Show
"I guess it wasn't a well-kept secret but yes, I am dating Tiger Woods."
– Lindsey Vonn, confirming her relationship with the golf star, on Facebook
"When they are fake, you take the bra off and they are still there, perfect! Me – no, so I have to bring them up!"
– Sofia Vergara, on her all-natural 32F bosom, to Vogue
"Who here actually thinks I would do 50 Shades of Grey as a movie? Like really. For real. In real life."
– Emma Watson, addressing rumors that she had been cast in the big-screen adaptation of the erotic novel, on Twitter
"Just asked jack Nicholson to take a picture WITH ME.. He said no. #rejected. Haha so I took a pic of him solo #paparazzi LOL"
– Nina Dobrev, who was denied a photo with the legendary actor, on Twitter
"I'm still a meatball, just a slender one I guess."
– Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi, on her dramatic weight loss, on Anderson Live!
Which celeb had THE BEST quote this week?
Blake and Miranda fockin'
Letterman and Gomez blew it up over Bieber
Lilo the Lush, A Great American Hero
BBV poppin' her booty
The definition of WHO?
Emma Waton's face after they say buttplugs will be involved
Stars... they're just like us!
HAPPY FRIDAY, ONTD! xoxo :-)