"The crazy thing is, I never knew that a wiener could actually make me nauseous."
– Jessica Simpson, confirming she's expecting a baby boy, on Jimmy Kimmel Live!
"I didn't call off my wedding. Taking a break from social media. #draining."
– Miley Cyrus, shooting down rumors that she canceled her upcoming nuptials to fiancé Liam Hemsworth, on Twitter
"There's a special place in hell for women who don't help other women."
– Taylor Swift, quoting one of her "favorite people," Katie Couric, when asked about Amy Poehler and Tina Fey's Golden Globes jab, to Vanity Fair
"Aw, I feel bad if she was upset. I am a feminist, and she is a young and talented girl. That being said, I do agree I am going to hell. But for other reasons. Mostly boring tax stuff."
– Amy Poehler, in response to Taylor Swift's comment in Vanity Fair, to The Hollywood Reporter
"That's a very big name for a very little baby."
– Hilaria Baldwin, on hubby Alec's desire to name their unborn baby Massimo, on the Rachael Ray Show
"We've been through three child births, we've been in the trenches, there are no secrets. But I really wish she didn't see that. That's too much."
– Matt Damon, on having wife Luciana present while being spray tanned in boxer briefs for the upcoming Liberace flick Behind the Candelabra, to Entertainment Weekly
"Of course, when I'm on red carpets, I'm nervous, sweaty, and weird."
– Selena Gomez, on what it's really like posing at events, to Harper's Bazaar
"What a real snow day looks like."
– President Barack Obama, sharing a wintry 2011 snapshot with daughters Sasha and Malia, on Twitter
"I think that the occasional soccer mom probably thought I was a slut."
– Adam Levine, on his pre-Voice reputation, to The Hollywood Reporter
"Elderly. She's in an intergalactic old folks' home."
– Carrie Fisher, on where her iconic Star Wars character Princess Leia would be today, to Palm Beach Illustrated
Which celeb had THE BEST quote this week?
Jessica Deep Dickin' Simpson
oh no you didnt tsquintz
All the Poehler party peeps will be at Club Hell
M A T T D A M O N
I wouldn't want my kid to have a name that rhymes with ASS either
Don't sweat it, Selena
POTUS freezing his _______'s off
ONTD's wacky Aunt, Carrie Fisher
HAPPY FRIDAY, ONTD! Remember to Spring Forward your clocks this weekend! :-)