ONTD

:D Yea! So there are Brazilians on ONTD! Rio, perhaps?

You've got to have one hell of a story on you. As bad as the United States can be about racism, Brazil is still so remarkably behind. Like, people get on the NAACP saying that they make too much fuss (I had another Brazilian friend tell me "I don't get why black people in the U.S. are so mad all the time!") but the truth is any fuss at all is better than that bizarre silence/acceptance thing in Brazil. Like the same people who will tell you "Oh it's got to be horrible living with Americans, do you see the way they treat their black people?" will then in another conversation say some of the most remarkably racist things as though it's absolutely okay. I was at a dinner with a Professor of Political Sciences in Petropolis and I asked her why did Brazil struggle so much with poverty and the favellas and this woman looks me in the eyes and says "because black people." Like, not even as though this is her ~thing~ or whatever or that she's out as a horrible racist, but as though this is the most natural thing to say ever. And everybody acted like it was. The United States has an n-word but my god there are people in Rio who can conjugate the damn thing and this is perfectly acceptable behaviour.

It's weird with us and the latino community. Sometimes we can be easily accepted, other times we may as well be Americans ourselves. Some in the latino community doesn't like Brazilians because we're neither here nor there. I'm white passing (so instead of "not really Black" I get "not really Brazilian" from white people a lot) and I had a similar issue where you can't really classify yourself as hispanic or hispanic/white because you're not from a hispanic country, and it kind of feels like we're something that doesn't exist? So it always sucks because it's hard to find anybody to reach out to. And ofcourse there are those Brazilians who "don't associate with other Brazilians" which is always fun.

We need more Brazilians in this country goddamnit. I want Brazilian grocery stores with tio joao and nescau.

It's what makes it so weird being Brazilian here is that there aren't enough of us to form a cohesive community :( I feel like if we just stuck together we could balance out living in the US while maintaining a sense of identity. Spanish speaking latinos are closest to us (and Italians seem similar, of all things,) but we don't have like, places where we can go and just be Brazilian-Americans. We are both and so many people try and make us feel like shit for it.

Holy crap though, Bahia to Massachusetts? Oh my god, your first winter, holy crap that must have sucked. But I've met Brazilians from Massachusetts and they say there is still a lot of exclusionism? Like there are Brazilians who "don't trust" other Brazilians or "don't like" other Brazilians, and then there are Brazilians who just want to go native or go home. If ever you want to take a trip, a place I saw that has a pretty active Brazilian community is Miami, a bit more inclusive and accepting. The problem is Brazilians move in and out of the U.S. like crazy so the atmosphere changes. But there are Brazilian hangouts, Brazilian shopping centers, and fuck a category 3 hurricane, when Brazil beat out Germany in '02, every Brazilian was down at Miami Beach. Cubans and Puerto Ricans were also generally accepting because of Miami's big melting pot nature. I haven't found another strong Brazilian community though.

Also, one thing I read that you'd said, never let Americans or Brazilians tell you you're losing your Brazilian heritage. Brazilians who are still in Brazil love pulling this shit out and you don't let them. Your Afro-Portuguese heritage makes you as Brazilian and Brazilian gets, people like you are the lifeblood of Brazil and that's why white Brazilians are so quick to try and make you feel like you're no longer a part of it. You're Brazilian and you'll always be Brazilian, but you're also American. You've been here long enough that you really are, and they don't like it because it means you've been here long enough to know that being called a slur because of your sexuality is disgusting, and that's an instance where Brazil has to catch the fuck up. I still don't get why there haven't been cohesive civil and sexual rights movements in Brazil. There is a very active gay community in Rio, and yet calling someone the v-word is absolutely common place. If only people there could realize the power they have in numbers, from the gay community to the black community, and would start protesting all the way, all or nothing. Again, don't let Brazilians get on you about this. There are many gay Brazilians and many gay Brazilians who have contributed infinitely to the Brazilian Culture and will continue to do so. Remember this when latino members of the gay community give you shit. You belong to a very large and influential group of Brazilians who have been a huge part of why Brazil is so culturally recognized for their writers, poets, playwrights, TV writers, and so many other things. There are many many members of the LGBT community in Brazil, the problem is that catholic church and the evangelicals go out of their way in trying to pretend this isn't the case, but it is. Every aspect of our culture has members of the gay community, and probably more than we don't even know about because of the closetting issue due to aforementioned churches.

Which doesn't, however, mean you have to write the damn language, because the damn language was concocted in a drunken slurr by an angry European who decided he was going to fuck with all the Romantic speaking countries. Don't worry about written portuguese, that shit is impossible. It's the damn grammar, man. I read a book that I was three pages in, and I still had yet to see a damn period. Written portuguese might as well be English Shakespeare sometimes, ugh. I always feel bad when I write back to my family because I'm sure I'm coming off like a six year old.

God, I am so glad you were able to find yourself in a better place :( It's horrible you had to go through that as a teen because, again, there are so many gay people in Brazil who have done so much for our country. Unfortunately we have a very predatory church, and one of their favourite targets is Bahia. The catholic and evangelical churches love targeting Bahia and they are very medieval in their teachings. They know they can't get away with much in Europe or even in the US, but in Brazil they are brutal, which might have accounted for your family's religious attitudes towards your sexuality. The church, especially catholic, has lost power in a lot of the world, but it always knew it had power in Brazil, they use their fire and brimstone power to exploit people, and unfortunately you got caught in their crossfire. But again, part of why they push hard for homophobia is because the gay community is an active part of Brazilian culture, and you're part of one of Brazil's most important and thriving heritages. It's always been there, it will always be there. There is no other you specifically, but there are many people like you in Brazil and you are not alone at all. If ever you get a chance to visit Rio, there's a lot of places you can go to find out about gay history in Brazil.

Oh my god that's terrible what those kids did to you when you were a little boy. That's their parent's voices right there, that's television and a culture dominated by white men who knew soon enough they were going to be a minority and they were doing everything in their power to continue this idea that afro-brazilians were inferior so that their white kids could remain in power. I am so, so sorry you had to go through that. It really is a culture of fear. White kids who grew up in white families and had afro-brazilian heroes and were promptly told to stop that because blacks were lesser, all in an attempt to undermine Brazil's undeniable and unequivocal Afro-Brazilian heritage. So much of what makes Brazil Brazil has come from black people and that ever-decreasing white population despises it. There were schools in the nineties in Rio, schools built by afro-brazilian architects, schools in the shadows of monuments made by afro-brazilians, which required that you 'prove' you were of a certain ethnicity. So you had to prove you were German to get into the German school, Swiss to get into the Swiss school, all this because of the tremendous fear white brazilians felt for the influence afro-brazilians have on the country.

Unfortunately, your grandmother came from a generation in Brazil where whites and blacks did not marry, it was absolute taboo. I had an aunt fall in love with a black man and my grandmother forbade their marriage. My aunt agreed but has been a piece of work since. Some say she was even forced to get an abortion. Your mother must have been a woman of remarkable bravery. It's not that these marriages didn't happen, it was that it wasn't supposed to happen. The baby boomers of Brazil grew up in this strange generation where their parents were obsessed with being European or American by mimicking European and American cultures. Everything traditionally Brazilian was seen as something to entice tourists with but not something "classy." There was a sitcom called Sai De Baixo which parodied these attitudes pretty well. But if it helps any, look at everything that gets out from Brazil, look at how Brazil is seen by Americans and the world. The world sees Brazil in people like you. Giselle Bundchen is a generic model, but Brazilian beauty comes from people like you. These last elections people weren't saying there was a rise in black and white marriages, they were saying that 'in fifty years, Americans will be ethnically similar to Brazil.' Brazilian beauty comes from people like you, a single individual made up of the unique beauties of various cultures. This is what Brazil is known for, and this is why white Brazilians hate Afro-Brazilians so much. Years back Time ran an article about 'The most beautiful people in the world.' It was revealed they were Brazilians, and oh, Brazilians were so proud. And then the article came out and it was a village up in the North near the Amazon basin who had Afro-Indian-Danish heritage, so they had the morena skin, the curling hair, and the bright green eyes. And they were gorgeous. White Brazilians were pissed, but that's the truth. That's the kind of beauty unique to Brazil, and you are very much a part of that. It's like Irish redheads. When I was in England, everybody hated redheads, they got picked on and mocked all the time. And yet both in Brazil and in the US, if you were to ask about what is the height of anglo-beauty, they'd think of a redhead.

Yeah, I always wished the Brazilian culture and the latino culture didn't push away from each other so. Especially because we are so culturally similar, in food, in family, in the kinds of conflicts we come across. The only barrier is language. But I think the thing is with second generation American latinos, it's a different culture there where they're trying to find themselves as Americans, and as latinos, and as both, and a kind of insulation is formed. I don't know, I've tried wrapping my head around it but I can't. It's so regional, too. South Florida, everyone gets along. In NYC, every latino subculture was segregated. I hear in California it's similar to NYC.

I don't blame you about the straight Brazilian men though. The thing is, when it's a straight Brazilian guy with a sense of humor and a good amount of self confidence? They're some of the funnest people. But the problem is Brazil has such a culture of pure machismo that exudes a kind of aggressiveness that makes certain guys just unpleasant to be around, especially the ones who compensate for low self confidence with ego. The boisterousness, the insensitivity are all lauded as being ~MANLY~ which makes them so grating. Like, with those guys there is no sense of respect whatsoever, and by god you just want to punch them in the nose with a newspaper. Like you said, straight American men are just generally more chill. And while it does have its crazies, generally America has progressed socially enough that a straight guy of average intelligence is going to have something to talk about. I was surprised during the Don't Ask Don't Tell debacle how many of my boyfriend's navy buddies were in support of just letting people be open in service as a way to combat harassment. Meanwhile, when the whole thing went down and I went to Brazil, my dad was asking about "America's gay army."

Dude, you're an awesome person, don't you ever let those bastards get you down. You have a very rare bravery and resilience, it's really something special! And LOL, oh my god I am so bad with Brazilian geography and states. Like I know Rio, Minas Gerais, Bahia, Sao Paulo, and then it's things. When I saw BH I was like "Eaux. Hm. Bahia has both a B AND an H. Where can I possibly go wrong with solid logic like that on my side?!"

And yeah, I'm in Savannah, Georgia of all places! I'm from Rio originally though. Was going to go there for March but no go :( If you ever have a chance you should visit! The crime sucks and the favellas break your heart, but it's got such an active community and all the museums and theatres are so great. I really miss the arts there! In Savannah we have, uh, a Gun show, and a ballet set to LMFAO. If they could only combine the two...

I'm not Brazilian, but I play in a maracatu band, and my mestra is from Belo Horizonte :)

Hi there, another Brazilian adding input (way late, I know).

I just want to say that your experience is so much like my little brother's. He had to hear so much shit from others in my family (our father included) growing up. My single biggest regret in life is not sticking up for him more during that time. We were both kids, but I should have been a better big sister.

In any case, I'm glad to know you're in a better place now. Growing pains are especially hard immigrant kids. Mantenha-se positivo!