You think of yourself as an easygoing, accepting person. But there is such thing as too accepting. Here’s your mantra: if he looks like a creep, acts like a creep, and locks his wife in the attic, he’s a creep.
Jane Eyre and Mr. Rochester, Jane Eyre
Catherine and Heathcliff, Wuthering HeightsAs Charlotte once chided, you may suffer from “perverted passion and passionate perversity.” That’s probably why you guys fight so much.
Romeo and Juliet, Romeo & JulietYou’re fine. You just need to survive your teenage years — we promise you’ll gain some valuable perspective in college.
Humbert Humbert and Lolita, LolitaIf this is your favorite literary couple, we think you know what your romantic issues are.
Jake and Brett, The Sun Also RisesWhat are you doing reading this? You should probably just see a doctor.
Charles and Camilla, The Secret HistoryYour problem? No romantic partner will ever live up to your twin sister — a pretty transparent form of crippling narcissism if we’ve ever seen it.
Aside from all that pride and prejudice, you might be of the opinion that you can talk your way out of (or into) anything. Don’t try to tell us that those gymnastic lips don’t get you in trouble more often than not.
Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy, Pride and Prejudice
Tom and Daisy, The Great GatsbyAt least one of you is too rich, too blonde, and too skinny.
Nick and Amy, Gone GirlYou’re unbearably bored, and have a bit of a mean streak. Just don’t go for someone meaner, or more bored.
Edward and Bella, the Twilight sagaYou don’t know where to draw the line between love and unhealthy obsession — even at your own peril. Also, you should probably reevaluate your expectations re: gender roles. It’s 2013.
Your timing sucks.
Rhett Butler and Scarlett O’Hara, Gone With the Wind
Celia and Marco, The Night CircusYou won’t be happy until you meet someone who can compete on your level — and those are few and far between. Keep trying.