Stereotyping You By Your Favorite Love Song

It’s Valentine’s Day tomorrow… so what better time for another bumper edition of our favorite stereotyping feature? This idea started a couple of years back with indie bands, and we’ve since applied it to everything from albums of the year to Monopoly pieces. Now we’re turning our attention to love songs — they’re all here, from the romantic to the saccharine, the bombastic to the touching. As ever, this is a lighthearted exercise that’s done in a spirit of fun, and as ever, our own stereotype is in here too. If we missed yours, feel free to add it to the comments section. Happy Hallmark-making-everyone-miserable day!

Céline Dion — “My Heart Will Go On”

Housewives who own multiple doilies and have purchased porcelain objects from the Franklin Mint.

The Police — “Every Breath You Take”

Clueless Diddy fans who don’t listen to the lyrics properly.

Joy Division — “Love Will Tear Us Apart”

That pallid college friend who you should probably call casually to check on right about now.

Cyndi Lauper — “Time After Time”

Matronly liberal arts academics with pink streaks in their hair.

John Mayer — “Your Body Is a Wonderland”

Bros who use the word “ladies” a lot and wonder why they don’t get laid all that often.