ONTD

luvthatdrtywata
9:12 pm - 01/28/2013

I have to go goop.

It has been a while since I last posted about my darling Gwynniepoo and her adorably misguided jaunts into online retailory. As I'm sure you know, with the holiday season comes an endless barrage of black-tie, non-denominational soirees, gluten-free gefilte fish recipes and last-minute vaginal rejuvenations before the family arrives; not to mention a pesky little unplanned stay in Promises following a misunderstanding with the police investigators regarding my standard post-holiday cleanse and coke binge. Let's just say that spending New Year's Eve listening to LeAnn Rimes drunkenly extol the virtues of the late 90s soap Sunset Beach is no way to ring in the New Year, no matter how many Quaaludes you snuck in through your expertly bleached asshole. But not to worry my lovies, I have survived and thrived and I am back and bitchier than ever. So let us take this opportunity to openly and viciously mock everything that Gwyneth Paltrow stands for. Because we love her. And as my mother always said, when you love someone you mercilessly tear them down until they are nothing but an empty shell with rampant body dismorphia and a complete lack of empathy for others.

First up...Tammy Fender for goop Serum and Epi-peel Duo - $395
product_splash_019_01b_xl_2post-7-035195500 1291290758_thumb
Gwynnie says to "use the best-selling Epi-Peel at the end of the day to exfoliate and follow with the super rich Quintessential Serum to moisturize." Long story short, you pay her $400 for a couple of little bottles of shit to rub on your face so that you too can look like the ghost of an alpaca.

Luckily, I am launching my own beauty regime...

Tammie Brown for luvthatdrywata Fuck yo Face Duo - $3.95
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For less than $4 (plus tax where applicable) I give you a paper bag, a travel size Purrell and a jar of store brand Vaseline. You smear that shit on your face and I'll have you looking like a fucking star.

( Sweatpants, Valentine's and Notebooks Made of Dead People...Collapse )
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Leave a Comment
wincest_dean 29th-Jan-2013 03:07 am (UTC)
omg i'm dying at the commentary
chris_chick 29th-Jan-2013 03:17 am (UTC)
LMFAO at the pointing finger
feelinpapal 29th-Jan-2013 03:20 am (UTC)
i need this product, my ass hurts in this crappy dorm room chair
revertigo 29th-Jan-2013 03:10 am (UTC)
new fave youtuber


she's so gorgeous either way and it's awesome that she shared her experience
anus 29th-Jan-2013 03:44 am (UTC)
this girl is too pretty
thelovehater 29th-Jan-2013 04:38 am (UTC)
She's beautiful wow. Love her for documenting this and being upfront about it.
pastelstar 29th-Jan-2013 03:11 am (UTC)
ILU OP

I love this shit, idc this is hilarious.
nene718 29th-Jan-2013 03:11 am (UTC)
i finally found my perfect lip color. wet n wild black orchid das my bitch.
idreaminargyle 29th-Jan-2013 03:24 am (UTC)
i LOVE lip stains from stila
chewmi 29th-Jan-2013 03:12 am (UTC)
i need a good concealer and foundation recc. i'm currently only using lancome foundation but they changed the formula :/
idreaminargyle 29th-Jan-2013 03:23 am (UTC)
what kind of foundation (liquid, creme to powder, mineral, etc.?)? price range? skin type/concerns (e.g. oily, dry, combo, acne, etc.)
chewmi 29th-Jan-2013 04:14 am (UTC)
I prefer liquid and as for the price Idc as long as it works well :)
coffeenmorphine 29th-Jan-2013 03:14 am (UTC)
And? I laughed hard!
chris_chick 29th-Jan-2013 03:17 am (UTC)
this a beauty post yet? any tips for oily skin?
feelinpapal 29th-Jan-2013 03:19 am (UTC)
even with oily skin you still need to moisturize every day or else your skin will produce more oil to make up for the lack of moisturizing.
idreaminargyle 29th-Jan-2013 03:25 am (UTC)
oil blotting sheets will save ur life instead of rubbing your face raw with napkins, tissues, etc

don't overwash/skip moisturizer when you have super dry skin bc you produce more oil!

i really like seaweed and tea tree oil based stuff
the body shop has a really good combo/oily skin seaweed line

Edited at 2013-01-29 03:25 am (UTC)
pamuya 29th-Jan-2013 04:31 am (UTC)
acure organics oil control moisturizer is great

http://www.acureorganics.com/Oil-Control-Day-Cream-p/009.htm

and omg they changed the packaging and now im pressed cuz i just bought a new bottle
luvlorn 29th-Jan-2013 06:27 am (UTC)
I dunno if your oily skin causes you to break out a lot but I find that clay masks seem to help keep my oily skin clearer, longer (like maybe use once a week). I really like the 3-in-1 mask that Garnier makes because it can also be used as a scrub or wash. I don't like to exfoliate more than every other day or I get more break-outs.

If your skin is just feeling oily/gross try Cetaphil cleanser (very gentle and makes your skin feel nice and clean but still moisturized) and aloe gel (the clear kind with no alcohol) will also leave skin feeling really clean but helps keep moisture in.
feelinpapal 29th-Jan-2013 03:18 am (UTC)
recently i've started only washing my face at night or when i'm in the shower instead of twice a day like i used to and my skin has cleared up big time. i only use lush products too, their face masks are amazing. so my recommendation if you've tried everything is to try using only water to wash your face for a while, or cutting back to only once a day with a natural product. /csb
idreaminargyle 29th-Jan-2013 03:26 am (UTC)
i second this sfm
rebuke 29th-Jan-2013 03:28 am (UTC)
I just started doing only a water wash at night every other evening and I think my skin is enjoying the change. However, I do go through quite a bit of Thayers witch hazel just freshening up in the AM and throughout the day.

I think people underestimate a clean pillow cover, too. I don't care if they don't match my sheets anymore, I've stocked up on a bunch so I can switch them out every 2-3 days.
silentsymphonie 29th-Jan-2013 03:36 am (UTC)
what lush products do you use? i use 9 to 5 cleanser and celestial moisturizer
feelinpapal 30th-Jan-2013 03:56 am (UTC)
use celestial too! also coalface and the tea tree toner. my favorite mask atm is love lettuce.
idreaminargyle 29th-Jan-2013 03:21 am (UTC)
oh it's a makeup post? that's why it has so many comments ahahaha

anyways smashbox bb creme has saved my life <3
fauxkaren 29th-Jan-2013 03:27 am (UTC)
YASSSS

I started using Smashbox's bb cream recently and I love it.
howlcosmiclove 29th-Jan-2013 03:50 am (UTC)
Their bb creme is really great.
mistyraven 29th-Jan-2013 03:28 am (UTC)
Is this still going? Because the other day I found out human leather is apparently a thing. No idea if that site is legit or not but still
hpxstac 29th-Jan-2013 03:28 am (UTC)
Why is ONTD's panties in such a bunch these days? I love these posts! They're funny and we should have more original content on here anyways.
generalstolas 29th-Jan-2013 03:44 am (UTC)
I have about $75 in Sephora gift cards. I need help picking out a good BB cream and/or concealer. Also, My face breaks out like I'm a 14 year old, mostly around my hair line and recently my chin. So a good face wash rec would be grand.


My friend recommended me Stila's Stay All Day BB Cream, but idk.
fauxkaren 29th-Jan-2013 03:52 am (UTC)
I bought Smashbox's bb cream and I am loving it tbh.
generalstolas 29th-Jan-2013 03:56 am (UTC)
This is going to sound odd, but how well does the color swatch match up from the website vs. irl? I remember being at Sephora a while back asking about smashbox's bb cream, and the lady said I should either use fair or light, but I can't remember which one.
lennoxs 29th-Jan-2013 04:19 am (UTC)
i recommend dr jart for bb cream just bc western bb creams don't compare to asian ones tbh
karrixftw 29th-Jan-2013 03:53 am (UTC)
Since we're all going ot here:

I'm pretty sure I have a condition of chronic hives that has been happening since September, so tomorrow I'm going to my university's medical center which should be fun...not. I have no fucking money (or health insurance) so I can imagine that it's going to be a fucking mess, not even taking into account that I have hives all over my fucking body.

Idk

But other than that life's been great. Got into a more advanced choir at school, filled out my FAFSA, aaaaaaand I sold my One Direction ticket for $200 so when that money comes in everything will be okay-er.

Edited at 2013-01-29 03:55 am (UTC)
icangoforthat 29th-Jan-2013 03:56 am (UTC)
i need help with razor burn. ahh i hate shaving
luvlorn 29th-Jan-2013 06:33 am (UTC)
me too. I use men's products (titatium razor and men's sensitive skin shaving cream). It helps a little. That lady shaving cream shit SUCKS in comparison. The men's stuff lathers all nice and rich and they have more in them and they're cheaper and there's no stupid floral scent to make me break out!
gigglyvapidslut 29th-Jan-2013 03:32 pm (UTC)
thermal water spray!
thevampireari 29th-Jan-2013 03:56 am (UTC)
What's your favorite way to use tea tree oil on your face? My skin is dry/normal and I'm going through a weird prone to zits phase.
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