ONTD

5:04 pm - 11/21/2012

Mayim Bialik and husband to divorce

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After much consideration and soul-searching, Michael and I have arrived at the decision to divorce due to “Irreconcilable Differences.”

Divorce is terribly sad, painful and incomprehensible for children. It is not something we have decided lightly.

The hands-on style of parenting we practice played no role in the changes that led to this decision; relationships are complicated no matter what style of parenting you choose.

The main priority for us now is to make the transition to two loving homes as smooth and painless as possible. Our sons deserve parents committed to their growth and health and that’s what we are focusing on. Our privacy has always been important and is even more so now, and we thank you in advance for respecting it as we negotiate this new terrain.

We will be ok.

Source
jazzypom it's hard on the woman, attachment parenting21st-Nov-2012 11:26 pm (UTC)
I know people who are APs and it is rough. I've noticed that it's always well educated people (two were going for their doctorates) who get caught up in this thing though.

For instance, this girl I've gotten to know really well is all AP to the point of baby cloths, and just popping out her breast for her kid to suck when he wants to. There was a week when he didn't want milk, and she got so upset that he didn't want to feed from her breast any more and then he started feeding again. She doesn't really see herself as a woman, or an adult, she's just... there for the kid. She's an SAHM whilst her partner works, and they rarely spend any time together, just them and the kid. Oy.
paranoiattaque Re: it's hard on the woman, attachment parenting21st-Nov-2012 11:52 pm (UTC)
this is my nightmare.
jazzypom Re: it's hard on the woman, attachment parenting21st-Nov-2012 11:56 pm (UTC)
Dude, the child is eighteen months old now, and she can't even leave him with a baby sitter because he gets so upset. I know she's trying to relaunch herself as a designer (I think she has talent and enough of an edge and narrative to make it work), but for real, if she isn't careful, the whole AP will unhinge its jaw and swallow her whole.

At least she's unbent enough to put him in nursery three days a week, and decided to vacinnate him with the MMR before she threw him in the soup of other babies and their germs.
paranoiattaque Re: it's hard on the woman, attachment parenting22nd-Nov-2012 12:01 am (UTC)
i'm never having kids personally. i just can't deal with it. a girl i used to be friends with is an AP and i can't even deal with THAT.. haha. her facebook feed is intolerable.

yeah. well, at least he's in a nursery for a few days a week now.. yikes. the whole AP thing is such a bizarre movement.
libre_m Re: it's hard on the woman, attachment parenting22nd-Nov-2012 07:41 am (UTC)
I've noticed that it's always well educated people (two were going for their doctorates) who get caught up in this thing though.

I have a theory that this whole new craze of attachment parenting is educated women who feel as though they haven't achieved as much as their career-oriented peers are looking for a way to be better than those women, and other mothers - "I'm sacrificing *THIS* much for my child, I'm the *BEST* at doing everything for my child and so they will love me and be poud of me always".

I used to work in a medical centre and the mothers who rejected vaccination and breastfed until well beyond normal ages were often very well educated and very well off.
h0tfuss Re: it's hard on the woman, attachment parenting22nd-Nov-2012 08:27 am (UTC)
Feminism doesn't really take fertility into account. If you know you want to have kids, you pretty much have to commit to starting at around 30. It means that women start acting like doing something that looks un-feminist is actually feminist because the act of having kids pretty much effectively takes them out of being able to perform the actions of feminism. Feminism places all of these implicit demands upon women as far as their lifestyles and careers are concerned but it doesn't provide any real ways for women to remain part of the movement once they have kids. The women end up just saying they're feminists without being able to back it up. I can definitely see how women can get really invested in motherhood as a movement when they no longer feel welcome in the feminist sphere.
boxcarwilly Re: it's hard on the woman, attachment parenting22nd-Nov-2012 03:01 pm (UTC)
...huh? How does having kids make women unable to "perform the actions of feminism"? Feminism doesn't provide any "real" ways for mothers to be a part of the feminist movement? What do you mean by "real"?
squarebiz2you Re: it's hard on the woman, attachment parenting22nd-Nov-2012 04:54 pm (UTC)
Than you. I was like wtf? to that whole post.
h0tfuss Re: it's hard on the woman, attachment parenting22nd-Nov-2012 08:12 pm (UTC)
Feminism expects women to pursue their careers the way men do. It assumes that that's even possible in this current world or that women won't need to take a few years off at a crucial age to have kids. The third wave is really wishy-washy in part because the second wave ignored the fact that most women do end up wanting and having kids. They will end up opting out of their careers for a while.
boxcarwilly Re: it's hard on the woman, attachment parenting22nd-Nov-2012 10:10 pm (UTC)
Yes, some feminists expect women and men to place a high value on participating in patriarchal economic systems. I think this is a huge part of the problem and one that isn't often addressed in any "Mommy Wars" discussion. I can't tell if you're critiquing second wave feminism or if you're critiquing women who have decided to reject those second wave notions. Perhaps that's why I'm kind of confused here.

Most of the feminist AP/crunchy granola type parents I know of work because they either their jobs or because they don't have a choice in the matter (there are a lot of class issues wrapped up in this, obviously). I would say that Mayim Bialik is one such woman...I'm sure she's loving her acting career right now and I'm sure she loved getting her PhD. And there are a TON of feminist issues that are wrapped up in child birth, parenting, and mothering. And those issues are indeed "real" and provide many ways for women with kids to participate in the feminist movement.

jazzypom Re: it's hard on the woman, attachment parenting22nd-Nov-2012 08:51 am (UTC)
I don't think you're wrong. I get the feeling about that for a few of 'em, but this one which I'm relatively friendly with , she was on course for a life in academia, lost her dad and had an unexpected pregnancy in the same year. Decided to *embrace* (her word) all aspects of motherhood, and she didn't let her babies get immunised until late. She just didn't believe in vaccine - whereas for someone like me, who actually knew older afflicted by polio growing up - I just couldn't compute. I pretty much told her that her viewpoint was pretty much privileged, and the thing with these people is that they tend to travel you know (they might not mainstream school their kids, but they go everywhere with the kid). I'm like... what?

For real, it's the whole Mumsnet brigade over here. But yeah, always the well off, highly educated ones. Like, they sneer at women who give their kids formula at six weeks so that they can get back to work. :/
skippity_doo Re: it's hard on the woman, attachment parenting22nd-Nov-2012 09:57 am (UTC)
Oh my god, I LOVE Mumsnet for exactly this reason. Threads and threads of sheer bitchery, mindless hysteria over percieved slights - 100% hilarity. I don't get why these people realise they have NOTHING IN COMMON except the fact that they had kids. "OMG you stay at home? That invalidates my life choices!" "Omg you work? That invalidates mine!" PEOPLE. Parenting is hard enough without pointless competition with other mums. Give yourselves a break!

(Still hilarious though.)



jazzypom Mumsnet! Go for the 5:2 diet, stay for the kray22nd-Nov-2012 10:12 am (UTC)
For real, you get the feeling that they all wear Boden, but in their heart of hearts, want to be a Hush girl, thigh gap and all. They walk around in those private parks in London and down Saaaooottthhh, go to church so that their diddums can go to a church school instead of a public one (David and Samantha Cameron, looking at you) and want to be the best mum as well as fit into sample sizes when the relevant brands (like Orla Kiely) have clothing sales. Then in between that, it's all threads of noise and hysteria.

It's all crazy over there. But the 5:2 tips were gold. Gold.
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