ONTD

Had a dream I hacked a billionaire's bank account for an old friend. She needed $10 (wtf). I was so nervous we were going to get caught, because we were hacking in a full Chemistry classroom, and of course we did. The T.A., a soft-spoken douchebag and also Professor Justin Timberlake's assistant (which explains why he was a douchebag), nabbed us. He gave us detention. Why this university had any sort of detention remains a mystery. But detention was really a not-so-secret Battle Royale-esque punishment where only one person made it out alive in the end. So instead of choosing to probably die, I decided to skip detention and the rest of class. When the T.A. blocked me, I knocked him down. He fell to the floor all dramatic-like, screaming and flinging a hand over his forehead, and it was then I noticed he was wearing a white lacy thong. So I said out loud to the class (made up of giant thugs and brawlers) in the exact tone of Gingerbread Man from Shrek/Shrek 2, "IT'S A THONG!" As they gathered around the fallen T.A. to check out his underwear I did Dave Chappelle's Rick James laugh all the way to the exit, saying, "The dick's gone bad."

This shit is getting out of hand. And no chocolate, Doritos or tacos were consumed in the hours prior to having this dream.

I apologize.