I'm going to write like James Franco now and forever.

I woke up today. There was a noise in the living room. I thought my cat fell off the couch. My cat is black. I am some kind of Polish. I made a clicking noise with my tongue and she stopped meowing. I thought maybe I could go back to bed but I couldn't. I made coffee. Cold water and espresso. I'm a gross bachelorette frog.