"Hey Papa, I just met you. This is crazy, call me maybe."
– Ben Affleck, on 3-year-old daughter Seraphina reciting lyrics from the hit single by Carly Rae Jepsen, on Anderson Live
"I could find David Beckham naked in a cardboard box on my doorstep and I would drop him off at the pound."
– Olivia Wilde, on her preference for beau Jason Sudeikis, at Glamour magazine's These Girls monologue event
"[I'm] maybe too flirty. I'm an 18-year-old boy, and I like to have fun!"
– One Direction's Harry Styles, who isn't shying away from female attention, to Seventeen magazine
"Mariah came up with this cops and robbers theme, and I was like, 'Let's save that for the bedroom. We don't need to incorporate our children into that.'"
– Nick Cannon, on wife Mariah's Halloween idea for 18-month-old twins Monroe and Moroccan, on Rachael Ray
"He shows more cleavage than I do! It's ridiculous."
– Demi Lovato, on fellow X Factor judge Simon Cowell, to Jimmy Kimmel
"He's not named after the city in New Jersey."
– New dad Nick Lachey, who instead named 4-week-old son Camden after a street in Los Angeles, to PEOPLE
"I'm going to live until 105 and I'm going to show my thighs every day."
– Girls star Lena Dunham, defending her decision to wear short-shorts, at the New Yorker Festival
"Thank you for not taking shadoobies on the floor. And thank you for not being a cat. You were my dog the minute I laid eyes on you."
– Chelsea Handler, to her chow chow and German shepherd mix Chunk, in the new book A Letter to My Dog
"She likes extremely tight pants with no room for balls."
– DWTS pro Maksim Chmerkovskiy, on what partner Kirstie Alley looks for in a man, to PEOPLE
"The appletini doesn't fall far from the tree."
– Jimmy Kimmel, on Dina and Lindsay Lohan's recent domestic dispute after reportedly clubbing together in N.Y.C., in his monologue
Which celeb had THE BEST quote this week?
Olivia and her dead vagina
Boy, you'll be a man soon Mister Styles
Nicky and MiMi get kinky
Demi Levato's second full time job is making fun of Simon
Nick Lachey 's next kid will be named "Sepulveda Boulevard"
Chunk 'n Chelsea
Free Ballin' Maksim
Jimmy Kimmel tells no lies
HAPPY FRIDAY, ONTD! :-)