During a bombshell interview for VH1′s Behind the Music, singer and former X Factor judge Nicole Scherzinger joined the recent weight and body image conversation, revealing that she battled bulimia for years while she performed with girl group the Pussycat Dolls.
“I just hated myself,” Scherzinger says during the interview, of which EW has an exclusive video sneak peek below. “I hated myself. I really was so disgusted with myself and so embarrassed. I felt so alone. I was in a group, and I never felt so alone in my life.”
The singer is surprisingly candid about her experience, and the first of two exclusive clips below details how Scherzinger’s battle with bulimia began. Talking about the issue for the first time has been difficult for her. “Yeah, I’m nervous about it,” she says in the first of two clips below. “It’s embarrassing. I never spoke about it. Like I said, I never want to play a victim, and I never wanted my family to hear about things from me because I think it would break their heart, you know. I guess it was like my addiction, right? I never did drugs, but kinda doing things to myself was my addiction. It’s like when I got off stage, I was on this high, and I’d come back to my room and I’d be alone, so I would just do things. My bulimia was my addiction; hurting myself was my addiction.”
The second clip details how the bulimia took a toll on all the members of the Pussycat Dolls. “I did it everyday for, like, years,” Scherzinger admits. “Every time I had a second to be alone, I was doing something to myself. You get, like, blisters on your hands or scars on your hands, and I’d try to hide those. I think the girls could tell.”
Now healthy, Scherzinger decided to record an audio PSA about the issue, which you can also find below. Scherzinger’s full Behind the Music episode premieres Sunday, Oct. 7, at 9 p.m. ET, but get a preview of what’s on tap with these two exclusive clips: