Oh ONTD, is it indeed a glorious, glorious day. It is my most supreme pleasure to inform you that her royal whiteness, Gwyneth Kate Paltrow, has unveiled the much anticipated follow up to her $90 white t-shirt, the not at all intriguing, innovative or remotely interesting $200 blue jean!
If you are looking for a pair of pants that scream "PacSun clearance rack circa 2001" but with a price point in or around the cost of living for a family of four in a third world country, you are in luck! The "Marrakesh Jean" is truly the rich, white people answer to the pajama jean. The high waist and full zipper detail will ensure that your camel toe is in view at all times. Plus, the unflattering cut will allow your pro-ana blogging "personal trainer" to know it's time to put you back on your liquid diet. Now that is what I like to call fashion AND function. And all for just $200 (plus the cost of shipping, handling and your emotional well-being).
Available in sizes 00-0, this jean is perfect for any body type. Whether you are skinny, really skinny, super, duper, duper skinny, a skeleton used for training medical students or the pole of a Swiffer Sweeper, these exclusive jeans are made with you in mind.
Now, since Gwyneth is as close to American royalty as we get, the Marrakesh jean is available exclusively in the US. But for those who simply cannot fathom a life without these impossibly dashing dungarees, simply do like my close family friend Kevin Bacon did on Will & Grace and have your assistant sew a GOOP label into your bargain brand basics, no one but your unpaid interns and live-in staff of non-native English speakers will be the wiser!
The GOOP Marrakesh jean is exclusively available here: GOOP. As someone who has worked professionally in the fashion industry (I worked part time in the JC Penny juniors department when I was 16 before being fired for never showing up), I insist you run not walk, or rather, since it's online, click, not masturbate, and purchase these jeans today!