ONTD

In a fascinating and frank new in-depth interview with MormonStories.org, Benji discusses his struggle to come to terms with his sexuality and his devout Latter-Day Saints faith. The interview begins with the formerly closeted dancer talking about his time with Evergreen, an organization set up to "help" Latter-Day Saints overcome their homosexual urges; he reveals that he even started his own Yahoo! Group, when he was 17 years old, for conflicted LDS teens wanting to re-identify as straight. He later talks about his relationship with an ex-girlfriend, and another relationship with the male "love of his life" that eventually didn't work out, but that changed him forever. "The happiest moments of my life were when I was with that boy," Benji recalls.

Benji also discusses his past struggles with thoughts of suicide and even the idea of castrating himself and taking reverse-hormonal pills so that he would no longer have any homosexual urges. "Do you believe that I should be celibate for the rest of my life? Is man meant to be alone in this life?" he asked one church advisor, who warned Benji that any traditional marriage to a woman would be doomed, but also told him that a physical relationship with a man was out of the question.