Sex and the City premiered on HBO exactly 14 years ago. But what would the fab four be doing with themselves if the show were still on? Well, Charlotte would be all over Pinterest, obviously.
1. Carrie would date a guy who worked at a tech start-up.
And she'd make awful puns about "m-iBoyfriend."
2. Samantha would run a social media marketing company.
Instead of Times Square her office would be a penthouse loft somewhere like DUMBO or Williamsburg.
3. They'd eat Magnolia Bakery's cake pops instead of their cupcakes.
4. And Pinkberry instead of Tasti-D.
5. Carrie would be insane for Pierre Hardy shoes instead of Manolo Blahniks.
Instead of having an intimate moment with embellished periwinkle satin open-toe shoes, she'd be orgasmic for...
A patent leather torture chamber.
6. Instead of wearing (anti-Semitic designer) John Galliano's famous newsprint dress...
She'd be OBSESSED with Celine.
Lots and lots of Celine.
7. Instead of this Gucci fannypack...
She'd carry a huge-ass Celine bag.
8. She'd also write for Vogue.com instead of "Vogue."
9. And she'd have at least 60,000 followers on Twitter.
The plotline would be something maddening like: after Samantha teaches Carrie about the value of Twitter, she signs up and within DAYS accrues a following of 30,000. She becomes obsessed with the numeric value Twitter allows her to place on her popularity — but can she Tweet and keep her relationships intact?
10. Carrie would refuse to give up her BlackBerry while all her friends make fun of her for not having an iPhone.
The BlackBerry would still probably have some pink bedazzled nonsense all over it.
11. Instead of breaking up with Carrie via Post-It, Burger would have broken up with her over Gchat.
He'd probably do something incredibly obnoxious like ping her "I'm sorry... I can't." And then block her.
12. Samantha would make the mistake of thinking all the penises on ChatRoulette belonged to hot young men.
She would dress up in fancy lingerie for a session of video chat sex with strangers and be sorely disappointed when she encountered old men with saggy breasts.
13. Instead of Cosmos they'd drink vodka sodas.
Nobody drinks that calorically nowadays, let's be real.
14. Charlotte would have gotten all the ladies to try a juice fast.
Carrie and Miranda would cave and go out for pizza while Charlotte sticks with the juice fast and becomes horribly cranky.
15. Charlotte would have met Harry on JDate.
You can join even if you're not Jewish.
16. Carrie never would have followed Aleksander Petrovsky to Paris.
European debt crisis! Hello!
17. Big would take cabs.
Part of downsizing in the Great Recession would involve letting go of his car and driver.
18. Carrie would work out at Physique 57.
19. Miranda would run the marathon again — in barefoot shoes.
20. Charlotte's preferred exercise class would involve a bar.
And not the kind that serves booze.
21. Carrie would eBay her stuff instead of giving it away.
22. Charlotte would be a Pinterest freak.
Everyone would make fun of her for it.
23. Carrie would use Google Docs (but not Dropbox, which would be technologically too advanced for her).
This would prevent frantic trips to physical stores that fix computers.
24. Smith Jared would be the Old Spice guy.
Instead of the Absolut Hunk.
25. Samantha would read "50 Shades of Grey" and decide it's hardly raunchy or scandalous at all.
But Charlotte would be too embarrassed to finish the book.
26. Instead of Tivo-ing "Jules and Mimi" Miranda would DVR "Downton Abbey."
Charlotte would also be into it because of the horses.
27. Samantha would try to pick up a hot politician on Twitter.
And possibly find herself at the center of a dick pic scandal.
28. Instead of writing a weekly column for the "New York Star," Carrie would be a blogger.
I hope fwee_prower graces us with their presence lbr