9:06 pm - 05/12/2012
Frank Warren's PostSecret is a long-running community art project that lets anyone anonymously mail in a postcard containing a personal secret, which then gets posted online. To date more than half a million secrets have been sent in from all over the world, and today Warren will be discussing the project in an Ask Me Anything (AMA) over at Reddit. He's kicked things off by posting a picture of the massive pile of postcards he's received over the years, and community questions are already starting to pile up.
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TMI Secrets POST IMO
Yea I know there was one earlier this week idk Saturday seems to work better IMO NO SHADE
Also that Reddit thing was nuts man
Mods can I lock this post?
PostSecret's Frank Warren fields questions in Reddit AMA
Frank Warren's PostSecret is a long-running community art project that lets anyone anonymously mail in a postcard containing a personal secret, which then gets posted online. To date more than half a million secrets have been sent in from all over the world, and today Warren will be discussing the project in an Ask Me Anything (AMA) over at Reddit. He's kicked things off by posting a picture of the massive pile of postcards he's received over the years, and community questions are already starting to pile up.
( Read more...Collapse )
TMI Secrets POST IMO
Yea I know there was one earlier this week idk Saturday seems to work better IMO NO SHADE
Also that Reddit thing was nuts man
Mods can I lock this post?
I don't know if I could share it in this post
Edited at 2012-05-13 11:31 am (UTC)
http://ohnotheydidnt.livejournal.com/68
I hate my dad and I feel like an ass for it. I get so angry sometimes because I don't feel like it should be me calling him, wanting to see him, etc. He should be doing that if he claims to love me so much. And he's gotten so embarrassing lately. I haven't seen him in years, but the shit his posts on facebook, my God. It's all "bout to get a drink!!!" "lesbians are hot!!" etc. Ugh. I'm basically embarrassed my most of my family and wish I could just have a normal, boring one.
And honestly, you can't choose your family and sometimes families don't get along. It happens, and you shouldn't hate yourself for it. My brother is a complete douche-nozzle and when he opens his mouth I just want to shove a sock in it but there you have it. Sometimes families aren't what you want them to be and you're allowed to not like it.
I'm sorry about the shit that he posts to Facebook, though. That can't be fun to read. Is there any way you can filter/block him so that you can't read it anymore? You probably can't stop him from acting that way but you can limit how much you have to see it.
Stay strong bb!
But I feel like I just don't have time to do anything. I took a semester longer to finish my B.A. degree and then I took a semester off and just worked and decided which M.A. programme I wanted to take and now I'm in the middle of my research project for my M.A. paper and I just feel like it'll take so much more time until I can graduate. I have three papers left to write, before I can even get started on my M.A. paper. They're like hefty 7000 words papers that I just can't pull out of my ass. So when some guy that started studying at the same time as I told me in a conversation after class "well, you've got six weeks left, sounds good enough time to finish at least two papers" it really upset me.
All the people around me do so well, only studying for a test like 1 hour and they'll get perfect scores, while I study thrice as long and still be left with one mistake. Makes me feel really stupid.
Even when I sit down and study and work on my research for hours, I still feel like I can't do enough. I will get tired and my mistakes will get more frequent and I will just start crying from pure exhaustion. But it still doesn't feel like I'm doing enough. Like there aren't enough hours in the day to do enough.
My other friend who is with me here right now started sleeping only like 3 hours at night and start studying at like 3am, so that she can have some free time during the day, but I can't do that. I need to sleep at least 6 hours or I will fall apart. I feel lazy for sleeping.
does your uni have mental health services or referrals? even just talking to a counselor might help you somewhat. I had similar issues with school as you and it was frustrating because I'm, not stupid but trying to do everything "right" didn't pan out for me and over the course of 4 years I devolved into a suicidal, mentally ill anxious mess because I let my perceived self-image become 100% dependent on success in school.
I used to feel lazy for even wanting to go EAT with my friends.
I don't want your stress to pile up to the sooner you can find an outlet or support or something the better.
I don't wanna sound dramatic but we all know how mental health is vastly misunderstood and stigmatized. Head stuff can go from minor to HORRIBLE without many warning signs so I just hope hope hope you can take care of yourself.
I'm, not stupid but trying to do everything "right" didn't pan out for me and over the course of 4 years I devolved into a suicidal, mentally ill anxious mess because I let my perceived self-image become 100% dependent on success in school. really rung true for me too.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that, and i hope things are better for you now <3
Edited at 2012-05-13 12:28 pm (UTC)
I did talk to a counselor last week because I seriously had to drop a course or else there was no way in hell I could make it through this semester at all. I didn't tell her everything, mainly that I really had to cancel this one course, but she was very supportive, even when I started crying. She actually praised me and said I was a very hardworking student and said she could understand my situation very well.
But now I still feel stressed about my remaining courses, like, as if I had made a promise to do extra good at the rest of my courses by begging to drop that one course, which is kind of stressing me out again.
But I'm still very grateful that I do have her and I feel like, if I start feeling really bad I might talk to her again.
Hmm, your descriptions do sound very familiar to me :/ I just may have to consider to be more open about my stress levels with counselors. It just feels so petty to me... I mean, if I still feel like my work is that lacking, if I still sleep 6 hours a night, why do I get to complain about stress if everyone else is doing better than me / doesn't get as much free time (sleep) as me.
I did have a bunch of different stress-related illnesses during my studies, though. Stomach ulcer, pelvic base cramps (these would develope over time and felt like cystitis... would only go away if I took muscle-relaxing medicine), fierce neurodermatitis-flare-ups, mono-flare-up and I've pretty much had a chronic throat and sinus infection since last November. It only hurts on and off though, the thing that scares me a little are my enlarged lymph nodes.
However in the end, I do really like my field of study and I'd never want to drop out. It might be necessary to get rid of my perfectionism. Is it possible to be a perfectionist even if you feel there is something wrong with your work all the time? Or is that even a pretty telling sign that you're a perfectionist?
also i bet you're doing great-- most people tend to look at everyone that's doing better than they are. they forget that they're doing a lot better than a bunch of other people. i'm guilty of that so i know.
This is so accurate to me and you should not be so hard on yourself.
IA 100% with the above user, you should find someone to talk to - preferably a uni counselor, because that isn't healthy, and I don't want to tell you what to do or make asumptions but please trust when I say you should tackle this early just in case it develops into serious mental health issue. (not saying that it will but 'perfectionists' tend to be predisposed to mental illnesses, and I wouldn't wish that shit on anyone)
I was being pulled in a million directions and couldn't focus. I would sit down to study, and even reading an assignment seemed like it was the most overwhelming task in the world. A friend of mine had to come over and hand hold me through my last paper assignment. I called her in a panic saying it was already late and I didn't even have a full page written.
No one seemed to understand. There were people out there doing more than me and succeeding and that made me feel totally hopeless. And my friends would just stay up all night studying like it was no big deal. Where I had to go to bed, because after going to class all day I had to work from 4:00PM to 12:30 AM.
My support system wasn't very supportive. I told my family that I felt like I was drowning, and their response to me was, "Well, I don't see any water."
Needless to say, I feel you. I hope you do open up and talk more honestly with a counselor about it. I know that's something I should have done way before I completely lost focus on my academics.
I get angry at people who criticize me for being open and not being a very good liar about my life, because who knows what other "normal" people are hiding.
Slipping college girlfriends abortion pills, telling a friend who's suicidal he should do it and then he does but people think they were trying to help him when they pushed the guy over the edge, etc. The homeless prostitute who's been lying o her family about college/roomates, dad who pushed his daughter's rapist off a roof and the dad lied and it was ruled as suicide, the endless stories of child molestation and abuse... JESUS FUCK I CAN'T.
My heart is heavy.
honestly, the vibrator secret was like a sliver in sea of crap.
I came out of that thread hating humanity more, I can't lie.
I seriously don't understand how that one person was stanning reddit in an earlier post.
I get angry at people who criticize me for being open and not being a very good liar about my life, because who knows what other "normal" people are hiding.
Your anger is valid. Good for you for being open, bb.
I've been dealing with severe clinical depression for 3 years almost and there arent words to describe how hard its been. I don't know what I'm doing with my life, I hate being inside my own head, I've stopped being able to do my uni work (I have several assessments due weeks/days ago that I still havent started) and I just cant be fucked to do anything anymore. Everything just seems like it would take a momumental effort that I just dont have. And i constantly feel like I dont have time for anything.
I feel like the biggest failure ever and the self-loathing I feel is indescribable. I used to depend on academic stuff for my self-esteem and I can't find anything else I'm good at. I miss caring about stuff and being knowledgeable and passionate. Sometimes I read sad stories/fics just to be able to cry to get some relief and that's REALLY pathetic tbh.
When I'm around people tho I'm super confident in a lot of ways mostly because I’ve come to the realisation that no one can be as hard on me or mean to me as I am, so they can bring it, because no ones opinion of me matters as much as mine. But that also works against me in many ways.
I just feel so hopeless like my life is a waste and it will be like this forever. I got up the courage to tell some RL friends and they honestly do NOT get it. AT ALL. Its like its a one time thing then its gone. And then sometimes used as a pathetic excuse for being lazy or unreliable. And its so hard for me to believe that its not in the first place :C
I don't think I can talk to a psychologist, because the ones I've talked to have don't understand certain things because of cultural barriers and they don’t get my parents' POV and how things work for non-white people. For them to say 'sit down and talk to them I'm sure to understand' is so ridic and unrealistic.
Also sometimes I just get so overcome with rage and so depressed when I think about sexism and people's attidues and other shitty stuff in our world rn and it seems so never-ending and I just want to go to sleep forever :/
aaand I'm gonna regret this entire comment in a sec
Edited at 2012-05-13 01:22 pm (UTC)
I really do feel like in a similar situation as you, pretty sure it's not as severe, but some things I can totally relate to. Like the feeling of not having enough time all the time. And the feeling of work just piling up and becoming overwhelming that even starting seems so hard. Starting really is the hardest part sometimes. I mean, when I start working on stuff, I really force myself and when I am doing things, I suddenly start feeling it get lighter and then I think: Oh I just have to remind myself that starting is the hardest and maybe next time it will come to me much more easy! But it DOESN'T!! It's always a struggle, if you have managed it the last time or if you haven't. I dunno, maybe this kind of feeling makes sense to you or maybe it doesn't.
And IRL friends not getting this kind of perfectionism-induced hysteria makes me really mad as well. My one friend always tells me: You don't have to do so good all the time, it's fine, relax! But... it's really not fine. Or she says it isn't so bad that I take a lot of time studying and getting something done, when she only takes an hour or whatever to study. It IS bad because it takes away a lot of time and there just isn't a lot of time at all. It is a disadvantage!
So... I really don't know what's best to do in a situation like that. I guess most people just can't easily understand these feelings. And I have never even tried talking to a psychologist, so I don't know what those are like.
I hope things get better for you, bb. I mean, you do seem to have a pretty good idea of what is going wrong, so maybe it's the first step to fixing some of it? It may not be impossible after all, but I also don't know what the next step would be...
Hang in there, bb!
I'm really sarcastic and defensive irl to hide how sensitive I am. I always tell friends "if such and such doesn't like this or that about you, fuck them" etc and I try to put out this 'I don't give a fuck' facade. But really, I have extremely low self esteem and half the time I hate myself.
a couple of months ago this guy who wanted to be my boyfriend called me out on being closed off and 'hard to get to know' and it's really played on my mind ever since. what if I'm never able to open up to someone and end up alone forever?
You can try to work on being less closed off, but don't pressure yourself - do what you think is best for you and you'll find that person who will get you and maybe be able to help you break down those walls :)
:(
I spent all night feeling like a doormat.
I went out with my boyfriend for his friend's birthday... it was 8 of us total, 4 couples (me/my boyfriend and 3 married couples)
my (gay) boyfriend spent the entire night being super handsy with 2 of the straight guys we were with. it was annoying the fuck out of me, but I felt like I'd be the total buzzkill if I were to say anything about it, since the straight guy's wives seemed to be encouraging/enjoying it and (ostensibly) it was all in good fun.
My secret is that I think I have mild form of bipolar disorder, but I can't tell my parents because it would kill them to think that I have yet another thing wrong with me.
g/luck bb!
Besides that, I don't think we have a lot of profs here. Maybe people are afraid to give the wrong advice/stick their nose in to deep.
i recently had to move back in with my parents after a string of apartment bad lucks. one had snakes, one had mice, and the last one had mold in the drywall and i had to move immediately and so i'm back at home after being gone since i was 20.
since i don't have a life i stay in my room with my cat and just wait around until it's time to go to sleep, then go to work. my mother has come in on two occasions saying i need to find a man. which hurts because it's like it's not super easy for me. i've spent years trying to figure out what it is. am i gay, am i ugly, and i too fat, not fat enough, is it because i have no social skills. i've been going to therapy for a year and still haven't realized any answers. i've come to the conclusion i'm not going to have one, but it's hard to explain because now, at 29, i'm getting asked about marriage and kids, and i'm like damn, cant i get a bf first?
ugh. the end.
Sounds like you're having a hard time bb, sorry to hear it! It also sounds like you haven't been sure what you want, and might have been putting out signals to people to stay away. Are you questioning if you're gay because you have attraction to women, or because you aren't having success with finding a boyfriend? People get so caught up in this idea that everyone should be getting married and having kids, it's a little ridiculous. The question is never "what sort of job/work do you have now" it's "who are you dating/are you married/when are you having kids????"
Chin up, bb. Try and work on yourself and get comfortable in your own skin and then a relationship will find it's way.
i hate even visiting bc i can't just go to see my nana, i get stuck with forcing a smile for everyone else and acting like i care about them when i don't.
if you asked me how i would feel about my family a year ago, i would have never even thought this would be crossing my mind rn. ugh!!
The fact that I've gotten so used to the attention and the privilege is terrifying because I know for a fact that it's incredibly fickle. Any day I could get a disability or gain a significant amount of weight, and even if I don't I'll inevitably grow old. I've grown so used to being treated differently because I'm a young, white, cis woman, and I can't picture life without that privilege. When I go into the city and I don't get stared at or flirted with I feel like something is wrong with me that day - I need the validation to feel secure with myself. I can't imagine how psychologically damaging this will be in the long run.
TL;DR society sucks and is distorting my perception of myself and the world.
Edited at 2012-05-13 05:03 pm (UTC)