Gay marriage is in the news again this week for a few reasons. Foremost among them is the Obama Administration’s efforts to balance their actual feelings about gay marriage with what is most politically expedient. Vice President Joe Biden and Education Secretary Arne Duncan both came out with clear support of gay marriage, although the Obama Administration is trying to have their cake and eat it, too, by making it apparent that individuals in the administration support gay marriage but the administration itself does not. It’s a tough line to straddle in a country where 47 percent of its citizens now support gay marriage against 43 percent who do not. However, if it were as clear cut as that, maybe Obama would come out in full support. Unfortunately, we work on the Electoral College system, and 29 states have statewide bans on gay marriage. Today, North Carolina is voting to become the 30th. Chances are, it will pass.
In Biden’s remarks in support of gay marriage earlier this week, he also attributed some of the mainstreaming success of it to “Will & Grace,” a show that helped to personalize gay relationships. In 2005, Brokeback Mountain helped people to understand that gay relationships are just as loving and often devastating as straight ones. “Modern Family” gave us a loving, gay couple with a child as a cultural reflection of gay parents.
But here’s the thing: If gays want marriage, they should not only receive all the benefits of it, they should suffer the consequences. To wit: They should also be forced to suffer through rom-com dreck devoted to their relationships. There have been a lot of gay characters in movies and television, but there’s never been a big, Hollywood mainstream, insipid, Kate Hudson-style romantic comedy with leading gay characters. That’s exactly what we need to further mainstream gay marriage: Shitty broad comedies with lame romantic gestures. When the rest of America sees Hugh Jackman run through an airport to stop Daniel Craig from getting on a plane, then I think ALL of America will finally accept same-sex marriage.
When Hollywood finally decides to make a lightweight romantic comedy devoted to gay characters, I’ve helpfully provided the pairings and titles to 15 Romantic Comedies with which they can start.
Ewan McGregor and Jude Law in Sunday Morning Funny Business
Idris Elba and Gerard Butler in Spike Lee’s Gay Jungle Fever
Dwayne Johnson and Vin Diesel in Between a Rock and a Hard Man
Mark Ruffalo and Adrian Brody in Hulk Smash Your Heart
Michael Fassbender and James McAvoy in How Magneto Got His Groove Back
Daniel Craig and Hugh Jackman in Double-O Yeah
Adam Scott and Jon Hamm in Broskis
Jason Statham and Ricky Hatton in Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Pectorals
George Clooney and Brad Pitt in Ocean’s 11 Inches
Paul Rudd and Jason Segel in I Love You, Man 2: This Time, I Really Mean It
Jeremy Renner and Zac Efron in The Hurt Locker
Chris Pratt and Jonah Hill in Awesome Sauce
Timothy Olyphant and Walton Goggins in the Gay Erectile Dysfunction Comedy, Deadwood
Robert Downey, Jr. and Val Kilmer in Kiss Bang Kiss Bang
Most of these titles sound like really bad gay porn. And I would watch ALL of them tbqh.