ONTD

8:15 pm - 05/05/2012

Digested read: Fifty Shades of Grey by EL James

The Guardian/John Crace/29 April 2012

Who could resist a thrashing from such a gorgeous and enigmatic man? Not my inner goddess, that's for sure



My inner goddess melts as he forces his tongue inside me. I have never been this wet before, etc. He bends me over his knee and slaps me hard. It feels wrong, but somehow very right. His enormous penis, etc. Juddering orgasms, etc.

"Sleep with me, Sir," I beg, as I try to draw his handsome body closer to mine.

"I can't. I had a deeply disturbed childhood and S&M relationships are the only ones I can sustain."

"Tell me about your commitment problems."

"They are too disturbing. You will find I am 50 Shades of Grey. Yet I find myself strangely drawn to your virginal, 20-year-old body in a way that I have never previously experienced."

My subconscious tells me I should run away from this control freak right now, but my inner goddess is telling me to stay.



"I've got a cold and I can't interview Christian Grey, the enigmatic multimillionaire tycoon, for the student newspaper today," says Kate, my roommate. "Please take my place, Ana."

Wow! I take one look at Mr Grey and can barely speak. With his tousled hair, he is so mouthwateringly gorgeous. The epitome of male beauty. "G-gosh," I say.

"You seem to be struck dumb, Miss Steele," he wryly observes. "I like that in a woman."

On the way home, my cell phone rings.

"Come to dinner," says Christian.

"How did you know my number?"

"It's my business to know everything. I like to exercise control. My helicopter will pick you up at seven."

I am unable to resist. No man has ever affected me in this way before.

"Here's the contract for our relationship," he says, slipping an oyster down my throat. "I will be the Dominant and you will be the Submissive. You will do everything I say and allow me to cane you, tie you up, sodomise you, clamp your genitals and fist you. In return I will buy you a car and a laptop."

"But Sir," I exclaim. "I'm still a virgin, so I will have to draw the line at fisting."


"You drive a hard bargain, Miss Steele."

My inner goddess melts as he forces his tongue inside me. I have never been this wet before, etc. He bends me over his knee and slaps me hard. It feels wrong, but somehow very right. His enormous penis, etc. Juddering orgasms, etc.

"Sleep with me, Sir," I beg, as I try to draw his handsome body closer to mine.

"I can't. I had a deeply disturbed childhood and S&M relationships are the only ones I can sustain."

"Tell me about your commitment problems."

"They are too disturbing. You will find I am 50 Shades of Grey. Yet I find myself strangely drawn to your virginal, 20-year-old body in a way that I have never previously experienced."

My subconscious tells me I should run away from this control freak right now, but my inner goddess is telling me to stay. That I can help this poor troubled man. Christian changes into a sexy pair of faded denim jeans and leads me to his Red Room of Pain. I willingly allow myself to be chained to a crucifix while he thrashes my clitoris with a leather hunting crop. The pain is intense, but the pleasure more so. My inner goddess is panting for him not to stop until ... juddering climaxes, etc.

"I wouldn't normally allow myself to be treated like this," I say. "But somehow, Christian, it is OK with you as I can sense that one day we may have a loving relationship."

"It is the Submissive who has all the power," he witters, "and I can feel myself slowly yielding to you."

Oh yes please, my inner goddess yells. Does he really love me as much as Kate keeps telling me he does? And why am I so jealous of his previous Subs, and why don't I ask him a single question about his job or his life even though we have met one another's parents in circumstances bordering on the unbelievable?

Submit yourself to the greatest thrashing of your life, my inner goddess says, to prove how much you love him and to let him show how much he loves you. Torn ass cheeks/moist vagina/pain/yet more juddering climaxes, etc.

"I love you, yet I have to go," I sob.

"Why?"

"Because we're only going to get to the bottom of your commitment issues after you've spanked your way through the next two books."


Digested read, digested: What every woman wants. Obviously.


source
69love_songs 5th-May-2012 07:31 pm (UTC)
lol i'm part way through this trilogy and i already hate every single stupid word. also i absolutely refuse to believe that any woman is having that many orgasms from PIV sex without any other stimulation.
vickyblueeyez 5th-May-2012 07:33 pm (UTC)
If my clit is ignored, I'm going no where cause pen is not enough for me. :/
69love_songs 5th-May-2012 07:34 pm (UTC)
literally all this guy has to do is get his cock out and she's coming all over the place and it's the most intense orgasm she's ever had.

lazy, imo.
vickyblueeyez 5th-May-2012 07:39 pm (UTC)
does this married woman forget how sex works? Nvm, just writing out all her fantasies in book form.
__onthebound 5th-May-2012 07:34 pm (UTC)
i <3 my jejoue during sex: mimi
n0cturnaleakage 5th-May-2012 07:46 pm (UTC)
omg ty
cherryreefer 7th-May-2012 03:04 am (UTC)
OMG. Never heard of this. I am going to do some research. I have been looking to splurge on the perfect toy for a while. TY :)
hammersxstrings 5th-May-2012 07:50 pm (UTC)
same. this is really just garbage
69love_songs 5th-May-2012 08:20 pm (UTC)
Tbh i didn't. It was on the kindle store for £2 and I vaguely recognised the title from various discussions online. I thought I'd give it a go.

I'm finishing it so I can criticise it appropriately?
joliebelle 5th-May-2012 11:31 pm (UTC)
especially since she was a virgin. You know that this bitch has never let her fingers do the walking
r_a_black 6th-May-2012 09:50 pm (UTC)
She actually specifically says she never masturbates. It's like she has no sense of anything sexual and then BAM first night having sex and her orgasms are like explosions.
yrsuchariot 6th-May-2012 01:35 am (UTC)
I had a threesome with a girl who came from PIV alone. It was remarkable to watch...
fuckyess 7th-May-2012 09:52 am (UTC)
i can orgasm from piv alone
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