ONTD

8:15 pm - 05/05/2012

Digested read: Fifty Shades of Grey by EL James

The Guardian/John Crace/29 April 2012

Who could resist a thrashing from such a gorgeous and enigmatic man? Not my inner goddess, that's for sure



My inner goddess melts as he forces his tongue inside me. I have never been this wet before, etc. He bends me over his knee and slaps me hard. It feels wrong, but somehow very right. His enormous penis, etc. Juddering orgasms, etc.

"Sleep with me, Sir," I beg, as I try to draw his handsome body closer to mine.

"I can't. I had a deeply disturbed childhood and S&M relationships are the only ones I can sustain."

"Tell me about your commitment problems."

"They are too disturbing. You will find I am 50 Shades of Grey. Yet I find myself strangely drawn to your virginal, 20-year-old body in a way that I have never previously experienced."

My subconscious tells me I should run away from this control freak right now, but my inner goddess is telling me to stay.


the best 50 shades of piss synopsis everCollapse )

source
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forevergold217 5th-May-2012 08:00 pm (UTC)
this parody >>>>>>>>> actual book
mynamehere07 5th-May-2012 10:58 pm (UTC)
My grocery list>>>>>>>>>>>this book
strawberrytatoo 5th-May-2012 11:26 pm (UTC)
Only if your inner goddess does the cha cha down the cereal isle, tbh.
funkybaby 5th-May-2012 08:00 pm (UTC)
can we stop
rinygrin 5th-May-2012 08:01 pm (UTC)
omg can you imagine if this was made into a movie
georgie_georgie 5th-May-2012 08:04 pm (UTC)
I think it is.
forevergold217 5th-May-2012 08:18 pm (UTC)
some hollywood studio paid 5 million to get the rights for this movie
celtic_thistle 5th-May-2012 08:45 pm (UTC)
lol girl IT IS THOUGH. Jesus take the whole car dealership tbh
captivatedlady 5th-May-2012 09:03 pm (UTC)
lmfao yes
foureyedgirl 5th-May-2012 09:07 pm (UTC)
LOL at the car dealership
muzicnem 5th-May-2012 09:20 pm (UTC)
lmao
swissbeauty23 5th-May-2012 11:04 pm (UTC)
dead
specialmei 6th-May-2012 12:48 am (UTC)
hahaha
specialmei 6th-May-2012 12:47 am (UTC)
idk how one could make a film of this that wouldn't just be porn???
zazaloida 5th-May-2012 08:05 pm (UTC)
I'm on vacation next week, what should I read?
thewunderland 5th-May-2012 08:58 pm (UTC)
the elegance of the hedgehog by Muriel Barbery
eulaelie 7th-May-2012 09:05 am (UTC)
Fantastic book. Great choice!
yrsuchariot 6th-May-2012 01:48 am (UTC)
The Hours by Michael Cunningham
invisible_cunt 5th-May-2012 08:07 pm (UTC)
DEAR LAWD I JUST READ THROUGH THAT TUMBLR WITH QUOTES

AS A FORMER ENGLISH MAJOR, IT HORRIFIES ME THAT THIS IS WHAT IS CONSIDERED A BESTSELLER THESE DAYS

TWILIGHT FANFICITON PERIOD FETISH PORN
orlandabloom 5th-May-2012 08:09 pm (UTC)
what's the link to the tumblr?
it_llbeyourname 5th-May-2012 09:30 pm (UTC)
mte kill me fuckkkk
goofusgallant 5th-May-2012 08:13 pm (UTC)
FUCK. HER. INNER. GODDESS.
forevergold217 5th-May-2012 08:19 pm (UTC)
very multi-talented
kwikimart 5th-May-2012 08:19 pm (UTC)
"I'm a virgin so I have to draw the line at fisting"

ONE DAY it is my goal to say this to someone I'm dating (hopefully they have a great sense of humour)
celtic_thistle 5th-May-2012 08:46 pm (UTC)
lol irl
kwikimart 5th-May-2012 08:51 pm (UTC)
LOL irl
juryrig 5th-May-2012 09:22 pm (UTC)
Thirding irl lol
juniorquincy 6th-May-2012 01:37 am (UTC)
omfg
lomhm 5th-May-2012 08:19 pm (UTC)
i just need to know, what the fuck is an inner goddess? and how can i get one
invisible_cunt 5th-May-2012 08:22 pm (UTC)
THE BOOK GAVE HER AN ORGASM
THE FUCK
georgie_georgie 5th-May-2012 08:24 pm (UTC)
:(
__onthebound 5th-May-2012 08:26 pm (UTC)
Double post

Edited at 2012-05-05 08:33 pm (UTC)
lomhm 5th-May-2012 08:26 pm (UTC)
its actually really really sad. the fact that the target audience is middle aged married women, it just goes to show how unhappy so many women must be in their marriages.
quidscipio 5th-May-2012 08:37 pm (UTC)
i feel like this is exactly how the author's marriage is though tbh
celtic_thistle 5th-May-2012 08:47 pm (UTC)
PREACH IT.

I find it simply horrifying how many women have never had an orgasm and who are married with kids etc. Like, really? It's sad as hell.
muzicnem 5th-May-2012 10:00 pm (UTC)
TY. Fuck, I'm not terribly sexually experienced and even I know this is some fucked up shit I'd never want to be a part of.
quidscipio 5th-May-2012 08:31 pm (UTC)
yikes im like 99.9% sure el james has never been in an actual bdsm relationship before, because all of these excepts/summaries are horrific and just seem like abuse


no even's to can't anymore
__onthebound 5th-May-2012 08:33 pm (UTC)
Ita. This is like what someone imagines it to be like, not a partnership between two rational people
buttercup31 5th-May-2012 08:58 pm (UTC)
IIRC in her A/Ns in the fic she says she doesn't know what she's talking about. Which is why it's even funnier that her psycho fangirls attack stories of people who are actually in the lifestyle as "not being real, like MOTU/Fifty."

quidscipio 5th-May-2012 08:59 pm (UTC)
she has a/n's in her completed book? lmaoooo this is like flashback to middle school and fanfiction.net hahahahhaha
__onthebound 5th-May-2012 09:00 pm (UTC)
Well anyone on the scene who reads this thinks it is a joke, badly written and hilarious. It's not taken seriously, at least in London
dives 5th-May-2012 08:35 pm (UTC)
The Guardian always has the best shade in their literary section.
__onthebound 5th-May-2012 09:00 pm (UTC)
I need to read their literary digested section more often!
wendilili 5th-May-2012 08:46 pm (UTC)
"See how you taste,” he breathes against my ear. “Suck me, baby.” His thumb presses on my tongue, and my mouth closes round him, sucking wildly. I taste the saltiness on his thumb and the faint metallic tang of blood. Holy fuck. This is wrong, but holy hell is it erotic."

That's from the book, I think in the period part.... I feel sick.
winterlillies 5th-May-2012 08:50 pm (UTC)
No that part is from having sex for the first time.
thewunderland 5th-May-2012 09:05 pm (UTC)
hmm that's not hygienic
juanitatequila 5th-May-2012 08:57 pm (UTC)
the dissatisfaction of women in marriages can be measured through the sales of this book.
muzicnem 5th-May-2012 10:02 pm (UTC)
Not just marriage but relationships in general. I know a few 20 somethings who are eating this shit up who aren't married.
chantonii 6th-May-2012 04:09 am (UTC)
Yep, a few of my friends have bought it. They act like old married couples whose kids have left home so I guess they have the same sex life. Sad.
buttercup31 5th-May-2012 09:00 pm (UTC)
God, can we please stop.

I am fucking done with this world.

Why can't good books, real books, with real, actually talented authors, get this kind of attention. I mean, is the world really this GD stupid?
__onthebound 5th-May-2012 09:02 pm (UTC)
IMO when your book is being panned by one of the biggest UK newspapers you've (a) made it and (b) written a terrible book
buttercup31 5th-May-2012 09:17 pm (UTC)
That's another problem, she didn't write a book, she wrote a fan fiction. This just further legitimizes her as an author when she is anything but.
winegums 5th-May-2012 09:43 pm (UTC)
she makes Cassandra Claire look like high literature.

I didn't even know that was possible before this.
cheekymonkeyboo 6th-May-2012 01:19 am (UTC)
Ugh makes me want to start writing stupid drivel lol I mean since it clearly "works".
foureyedgirl 5th-May-2012 09:03 pm (UTC)
what in the fucking fuck is this shit..seriously it doesn't even make any fucking sense. vomit
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