Cosmo at Sam Worthington: "Please Lose Our Number"

In this month's edition of the renowned Cosmopolitan column, "Guy Watch: Stud Meter," assorted dudes are ranked on their ability to make Cosmo wet. See here:

Put aside the fact that Jon Snow ranked so high (sad men and the girls who love them), that Bomer got downgraded because it's just too unfair that he's always been gay, or that Dan Rad got even further demoted for daring to like pubic hair (eta: joke; they're grossed out by Harry Potter talking about sex even though we all know he snitched Ginny's snatch to high heavens).

Mario Lopez is 2nd to last because (i) he's Mario Lopez, (ii) he made a twitter for his dog in which he calls female dogs bitches, and (iii) he's Mario Lopez. Last place for the month is Sam Worthington. Why? You know why you're here, Sam. Please lose our number.

Damn. That's pressed and weirdly personal. Through serious investigative research (see: Google news), it has been ascertained that other than releasing a Titans sequel (which was only marginally less well received than its predecessor), he's been... exactly the same sort of pleasantly likable bland creature he's always been. Even more puzzling is that Cosmo just ranked him their Fun Fearless Male of 2012. So basically, this is mildly intriguing cause what did Sam Worthington do to Cosmo? Why you mad? ETC!

Source for the scan.

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Leave a Comment

likegunfire 9th-Apr-2012 07:20 am (UTC)

he prefers women with hair down there. Gross!

ginormouspotato 9th-Apr-2012 08:01 am (UTC)

LMAO IKR goodness gracious this mess of a magazine.

boomstick 10th-Apr-2012 05:27 pm (UTC)

I really do think they're "gross" at the fact that he's talking about sex in general, not the fact that he likes pubic hair. That's how I read it, anyway.

isntdaveone 9th-Apr-2012 07:20 am (UTC)

kurtvonnegut 9th-Apr-2012 07:20 am (UTC)

did they seriously say "gross!" at women who dare to have pubes

i can't

suwillgetu 9th-Apr-2012 07:24 am (UTC)

mte but what do you expect from him?

erin_chupacabra 9th-Apr-2012 07:24 am (UTC)

I think they intended it to be "Gross at this adult male who we still think is 13 talking about sex" and not "ew pubes!" But maybe I've giving them too much credit.

kurtvonnegut 9th-Apr-2012 07:26 am (UTC)

maybe. but somehow i doubt they would have said the same thing if danrad had said he liked shaved pussies.

(no subject) -

chantonii - Expand

calcified 9th-Apr-2012 07:26 am (UTC)

They did lol, I was just joking and apparently everyone else may not read well.

thewadingegret 9th-Apr-2012 07:26 am (UTC)

I thought the same.

xbellaxmiax 9th-Apr-2012 12:49 pm (UTC)

quiet_storm 9th-Apr-2012 12:59 pm (UTC)

Yep that's what they're saying.

la_petite_singe - Expand

peacetrains - Expand

cabernet - Expand

dothecrunge 9th-Apr-2012 07:25 am (UTC)

mte

mrschucknoblet - Expand

heydigital 9th-Apr-2012 07:26 am (UTC)

right? that's the main thing that got me about this "article"

talksleazy 10th-Apr-2012 05:40 pm (UTC)

lol right? i'm not paying to have my pubes ripped out and i'm not dealing with stubble and bumps. y'all can deal

muzicnem 10th-Apr-2012 07:51 pm (UTC)

Ikr? Fuck off Cosmo, you sound like a bunch of 13 year olds.

seriousfic 9th-Apr-2012 07:21 am (UTC)

Did he sleep with Cosmo's sister magazine?

ankiem0e 9th-Apr-2012 09:23 am (UTC)

Geez, and posted details on some icky ranking site, apparently, given Cosmo's response.

merci_beaucoup all i took from this — 9th-Apr-2012 07:22 am (UTC)

Jon Snow <3

muffledlaugh Re: all i took from this — 9th-Apr-2012 01:58 pm (UTC)

gurl YES

erin_chupacabra 9th-Apr-2012 07:22 am (UTC)

idk whether I should go "oh" or laugh at them cropping Richard Madden out of the Kit Harington picture.

bad_situation 9th-Apr-2012 07:24 am (UTC)

They should have included both. 2 hot guys is always better than one.

erin_chupacabra 9th-Apr-2012 07:26 am (UTC)

ia. they should have cropped Alfie out and then just merged the Kit and Richard sides of the photo together.

bad_situation - Expand

I like the way you think. -

wauwy - Expand

comalies - Expand

axdebamf - Expand

stellar_kar 9th-Apr-2012 07:27 am (UTC)

they should have cropped out Theon tbh

xcollsangelx 9th-Apr-2012 07:34 am (UTC)

I'm super grossed out they left Flopjoy in.

tankmachine 9th-Apr-2012 07:22 am (UTC)

i would fuck him over everybody else on that list tho

o o p

victory_goddess 9th-Apr-2012 04:26 pm (UTC)

I'd take a lot of people over Mario Lopez. That bitch probably checks himself out in the mirror during sex a la American Psycho.

suwillgetu 9th-Apr-2012 07:23 am (UTC)

It's not like any Cosmo readers OR staff have a chance with Matt Boner anyway.

madame_no 9th-Apr-2012 07:23 am (UTC)

muffintiem 9th-Apr-2012 07:23 am (UTC)

Cosmo is such a joke. Who reads that shit anyway? "101 Ways To Bleach Your Anus So Your Man Won't Say 'EWW'", "Top 10 Sex Tricks We've Learned From Hookers"

Downgrading Matt Boner because he's gay? Seriously? So what if he's gay? Not like you had a chance either way.

wauwy 9th-Apr-2012 09:11 am (UTC)

"101 Ways To Bleach Your Anus So Your Man Won't Say 'EWW'"

lmao crying

so_chic_doll 9th-Apr-2012 12:44 pm (UTC)

Yeah I've met people who work at Cosmo... they're about how you'd expect someone who works at Cosmo to be...

lickety_split 12th-Apr-2012 04:31 am (UTC)

Are they men? I'm convinced everyone at Cosmo is a journalist from Maxim.

so_chic_doll - Expand

mmmdraco 9th-Apr-2012 12:51 pm (UTC)

I can't stand Cosmo. When I used to work at a Waldenbooks, I was like the lowest manager, so I was always scheduled when the magazines came in.... so I'd stock Cosmo in some random obscure spot so people couldn't find it, like right behind some motorcyle enthusiast mag in a corner next to the girlie mags.

Anyone who has actually had a long-time boy or girlfriend/spouse/lover/etc. knows that Cosmo is just a troll mag, It is made up shit that sells only for the shock value.... like lately of putting young "innocent" women on the cover and putting headlines like "Your Vag: All Your Questions, Answered!" and "Hair Down There!: New stencils and a handful of crystals so you can vajazzle!" and "How to Tell Your Man He's Not Satisfying You".

ava_adore0 - Expand

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wingslapped 9th-Apr-2012 12:55 pm (UTC)

"Downgrading Matt Boner because he's gay? Seriously? So what if he's gay? Not like you had a chance either way."

IA. I hate the "It's a shame he's gay." comments I see on the Internet (not here) sometimes.

massielita - Expand

hola_meg_a_cola 9th-Apr-2012 01:26 pm (UTC)

lol one of my former co-workers had some Cosmo mags around her apartment and we had another co-worker read some article equating men to wolf packs. Massive pile of shit.

nicenicegirl 9th-Apr-2012 02:23 pm (UTC)

i can't stand how they have all of these articles on "how to please your man" bitch please, maybe he should be pleasing me for a change!

and i remember they interviewed some random guy and he was talking about how it's "so unsexy when a girl tells me about her cramps. i don't need to know about that!" it feels like my insides are being ripped out once a month, i think you can handle a little talk about my cramps.

snortingcoke 9th-Apr-2012 04:17 pm (UTC)

speak for yourself i totally had a chance with boner before his partner stole him away. SO CLOSE YET SO FAR

xdecadentx 9th-Apr-2012 05:44 pm (UTC)

Downgrading Matt Boner because he's gay? Seriously? So what if he's gay? Not like you had a chance either way.

I came in to comment on this.

WTF?

boomstick 10th-Apr-2012 05:29 pm (UTC)

amethystcitrine - Expand

kamikashi 9th-Apr-2012 07:23 am (UTC)

matt bomer turns you off cuz hes gay? OK THEN.

and i would think people would like daniel radcliffe more because he doesnt think pubes are disgusting. ugh cosmo.

strangephantom 9th-Apr-2012 08:30 am (UTC)

IA. real men like womanly pussy.

gramfaernes 9th-Apr-2012 01:25 pm (UTC)

I, for one, like DanRad better because of that. Cosmo is dumb.

to_pandiculate 9th-Apr-2012 05:24 pm (UTC)

cosmo is dumb because daniel radcliffe is a perfect hairy prince

dothecrunge 9th-Apr-2012 07:24 am (UTC)

What is that asinine commentary

Isn't Cosmo aimed at an older audience (than, say, seventeen or Tiger Beat)? jfc

suzycat 9th-Apr-2012 08:34 am (UTC)

I think it's gotten younger and younger. It certainly reads very babyish compared to years ago - it's not just me ageing.

letmypidgeonsgo 9th-Apr-2012 09:18 am (UTC)

When I was young, Tiger Beat was the thing when we were like 11, Seventeen when we were 14, and Cosmo when we were 17.

rara8777 9th-Apr-2012 09:29 am (UTC)

This. No one reads Seventeen when they're seventeen.

thewhowhatwhats 9th-Apr-2012 09:38 am (UTC)

Yep

rare_lj 9th-Apr-2012 12:03 pm (UTC)

Yeah, same here

boomstick 10th-Apr-2012 05:30 pm (UTC)

Agreed.

mynamehere07 9th-Apr-2012 09:36 am (UTC)

It's supposed to be aimed at recent college grads entering "the real world." Where you can learn all about balancing your super fantastic career, your super fantastic love life, your super fantastic social life, all while wearing the most super fantastic fashions.

To them, that is the real world. Nevermind the fact that entry level jobs pay shit, so buying Louboutin shoes is not happening. Relationships are not solely based on how the 101 ways to perform oral sex. That shit entry level job makes you work 60 hours a week, so you have no time to have cocktails with "the girls."