ONTD

Great icon for a post on mothering lol

I have no fucking idea. I'll probably end up killing them in every way it's possible to kill them because I'm so clueless.

I kind of want to hand them over to my mom when the time comes and have her work the magic she worked on me, tbh.

I'm not going to have any. People always tell me I'll change my mind when I'm older or in a serious settled relationship but I know I won't. It's not something I've ever wanted and I like that in the modern world it doesn't have to be a requirement of my life (though people often act like it is).

I do plan on ruining santa for my friends kids. And spoiling them every now and then.

Pretty much the same way I was raised.

I mean, I'm a crazy bitch, but I was ~born that way. My upbringing at least made me somewhat tolerable.

If I actually have kids... I have no idea. I would like my kids to be independent and my girls to not be so girly girl obsessed with Barbies/princesses, but how to get that out of my kids... no idea. Probably why I don't want them. I'd probably fuck them up.

Very different to the way I was raised.
I was brought up in a very hectic, anxiety filled environment. I'm going to be settled somewhere before I adopt, no moving around, no uncertainty, etc.
I have a few years before I'll be ready to adopt, so before then I want my husband and I to go through marriage counseling and stuff to sort out our problems and make sure we're in this before we bring a kid into the picture. I went through hell with my moms divorce from my fucking insane "dad" and then the anger/confusion of her boyfriends who paraded in and out of my life after that and there is no way I am going to knowingly bring a kid into a situation like that.
Basically, I'm going to do my best to give my daughter, whoever she is out there, a happy life that I missed out on. I don't have all of the answers but I know a lot of things I wont be doing to her.

my parents did a pretty awesome job, i want to follow a lot of how i was raised:

-i was always told to look things up, i never just had questions easily answered, which made me a lot more independent and a lot smarter, i think
-i was raised to love reading
-punishment was always an option, but it was more for being rude/disrespectful - if i made a mistake, i was taught to learn from them, rather than punished. therefore, i was raised to be polite and respectful, and i learned from mistakes. it was pretty awesome.

with love and hugs

idek mann! i had a psychology class once about kids and the stages the go through , and the fact that almost everything you do can influence your kid and his future personality is fucking frightening!
TOO MUCH FUCKING PRESSURE

I have one now and I don't think you can really plan how you're going to raise them. Just go with the flow and everything will end up how it's suppose to be.

similar to how i was raised, except i hope to be less crazy than my mom

like my mom raised me

only hopefully a little more stably

Although I am not in any way religious now, I love that growing up my parents supported all my spiritual whims. First, I asked why the rest of the family was catholic and we didn't practice...so they let me enroll in Catechism classes. When i realized I didn't agree with Christianity, (I was like 10) I decided I wanted to be a pagan for 10 minutes and they bought me a book on it. Then, when I was 12 I decided I was into buddhism and I received several more books. There wasn't ever judgement, they just wanted me to learn on my own and develop independently into the person I wanted to be. Now i really love that and want to pass that lesson onto my future kids.

pick and choose from different methods, like from AP - extended breasfeeding (1+ year), slings, etc.

no spanking ever. i want to basically do everything the opposite from what my parents did.

I have 2 kids, and I have made the choice to be a stay at home mom. I breast fed both until they were over a year, etc. My choice is very unusual, and we make due with a lot (A LOT) less than most families. I just don't want a stranger raising my kids. If that is your choice, I do not judge.

I'd have to adopt if I have kids, so at least breastfeeding is a non-issue.

I always thought it was something you couldn't really plan too much beforehand, because there's no anticipating what it's actually like to have kids. Other than the obvious things (like, I know I wouldn't abuse them, or spoil them, or feed them as poorly as my parents fed me, or let the tv babysit them...) I figure I'm a smart lady, I know the various ~methods, I'll play it by ear.

my parents always treated me like a little adult, which i liked. they also taught me that "fair" is a bullshit argument, so i could never pull the "no fair" thing kids do... i remember being like 4 and complaining to my dad that it wasn't fair that i couldn't get candy at the grocery store, and he was like "fair to who? in comparison to what? if you get candy, will that remedy some social injustice?" and i was just like gdi

also when i am having a kid i want ALL THE EPIDURALS

I believe in a lot of the principles of attachment parenting, but I'd take it a notch or 2 down in intensity. The most important way to raise my kids, though, is exactly the opposite of how I was raised.

i dont ever see me having any

Not the way my parents did

I just had my first kid on the 22nd. I had a natural birth but not by choice. I wasn't able to have an epidural in time. No tears too!

My daughter did not want to breastfeed, and now we found out she has lactose intolerance. So we have to use sensitive formula. I am not at all upset. I pump so she does get some milk from me as well.

She sleeps in a bassinet next to the bed. She does want to be cuddled all the time so we carry her around right now. I am afraid to use the sling. I don't know why.

But I was expecting before pregnancy that my kids would sleep in a crib, in a different room, no sling, fully formula fed, plus painless birth.

I think once you get to the point of becoming and starting off parenthood you will make choices that works for the kid and the parent.

If I had kids, I'd raise them exactly how my parents raised me. They were loving, encouraging, and spoiled me just the right amount (I might make my kids work a bit more for allowances, though. I like... took out the garbage every other week). Despite being pretty staunch conservatives they encouraged their little super-liberal daughter, chuckled when she got arrested protesting, and wholly supported her high-school-Wiccan phase.

As it stands, though, there is no way I could handle kids for another 10 years or so. There's no way I'll be a cool young mom (I'm already 25). My mom was 35 when she had me and I like that she was a little older.

I'm going to be honest, I struggle everyday deciding whether or not I want to raise children. I think I'm good with the pregnancy part it's the once they're out part I don't know if I want to do. Then I think to myself well if you don't want to raise them you shouldn't get pregnant at all.

And then my mother likes to barter with grandkids so currently I owe her two but maybe I can work that down to one at some point. It used to be 4 so.

My mother did an amazing job with us. I will take any input she has into serious consideration. She was magnificent.
I will try to raise my kids as free from gender stereotypes as possible but it will be hard as the world outside will push them on them anyway.
I wanted them to be openminded, headstrong, independent, responsible, reasonable and loving.
I hope I'll be the kind of mother who will support her children whatever their choices are in life.

I hope as well as my parents did me. With a lot of humility as well I hope. I get annoyed by parents who think they know everything right out of the box.

I don't think there's a particular way that I have in mind to raise my future kids, I'll just try to emulate my mother's parenting style..I had the perfect example of a perfect mother growing up.

If I ever get a girlfriend (cause fuck it, I ain't doin it alone), I'm going to adopt.

That's been my stance since I was like.. ten. If she wants to have a biokid, that's fine, but I don't need a kid to look like me to love it.

I was discussing this with an ex and she got bitchy when I brought it up, said "Well, I need at least two kids. " "...okay, so, adoption, or.." "They have to be mine. I can't love someone else's kid. You can adopt, but I would favor my children."

hopefully relaxed but stressing manners, kindness and self-love/acceptance. my parents were really relaxed with me and im very thankful for that.

better than I was raised. so far so good LOL he's 3 and has made it and I'm not completely crazy yet.

I'm going to be strict. I feel like my parents, while good, were way to easy on me. Luckily, I turned out okay but if I was someone else, I either be a spoiled brat or a fucking mess.

Whenever I tell my parents about my future parenting methods, they tend to disagree. I'm definitely going to enforce a no bullshit policy. I'm not going to go overboard though. Like not let my kids not eat candy or watch tv. Of course I'm going to keep it in moderation but I don't see what's wrong with kids doing those things generally speaking. I'm also going to steer clear against physical punishment (unless it's spanking and even that's at the last resort). ONTD may disagree here but there are much better ways to enforce punishement effectively than hitting your kid.

So yeah. Basically be strict but also very loving and understanding.

I'm not sure I'll ever have kids but I know if I do I'll end up adopting a girl. If I do I will love her to no end, but be rationally strict so she doesn't become a total brat. I won't let her do whatever she wants of course (meaning she'll have guidelines like a bed time, curfew and I wouldn't let her do anything that I thought was inappropriate like idk call me a bitch or go off and hang with someone for 8 hours without calling me YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING) but I will let her be whoever she wants to be as long as it's not something horrible like a serial killer or some shit. I won't really shove any kind of beliefs down her throat either but will be informative and let her come to her own conclusions.

I want to be squatting or in water with a midwife. My mom had me with one and I want one as well. I want natural, I want to breastfeed and I going to vaccinate. They will get their own beds as I move around in my sleep and I don't want to be responsible for rolling over my kids.

to be proud republican christians

I'm no expert, but I would like to give the greatest piece of advice I can give to anyone who has expectations or plans when it comes to birth and parenting:

It's really awesome to read books and have goals and such, but give yourself room to let it go wrong. I had a baby four months ago and all I wanted was to have a natural birth and to breastfeed. I walked a billion miles it seemed every day to make sure I would dilate enough and I ate really well etc... One night, my water broke and I was only 2cm dilated... I didn't even have contractions. They had to give me medication to force the contractions, so right from the get go my natural childbirth was in the toilet.

I was in labor for 12 hours, (which I totally ended up with en epidural,) and only got to 4cm. (You need to be at like 10cm to really start the process.) My baby's heart rate kept dropping, my blood pressure kept dropping, but if they took me off the medicine for contractions, I wouldn't have any. You only have a 24 hour window after your water breaks before it gets really scary, and I'd already used half of it.

Long story short, I ended up with a C Section. The procedure itself caused me to not produce enough milk. Then I got 2 infections in my incision and I ended up on so much medication I couldn't even attempt to breastfeed.

So the only two things I wanted failed immediately. I spent the first month and a half of my daughters life feeling like I had failed her (hormones are powerful things man) and only now, four months later, do I look back on the experience with no guilt at all.

People are assholes to other parents. Mothering is treated like a competition, when really, I think we all just want to make sure our kids aren't on Intervention one day talking about what shitty parents we were.

i did the exact same thing lol

I did not see it, but she doesn't wear pants, right?

that's actually what made me hate her, tbh. i couldn't even get through the whole episode.

I LOATHE James Franco with all my being. I can't stand his face. His attitude. THE NAME MAKES ME RAGE. I HATE YOU JAMES FRANCO.

James Franco is awful.

I don't care if he's a rocket scientist, I will never admire that pretentious douchebag.

But in essence, I agree with your statement.

Do you know what course james is taking?

just had to say that I love math

I don't feel like James Franco counts there, he doesn't seem to take his degree programs seriously, he seems like he's just collecting degrees to look interesting. But I do like to see people who are famous at a young age still take the time to get an education.

omg those people get so mad at the mere SIGHT of a child. it's kind of hilarious how worked up they get (and i don't even want kids)

What is a childfree community? Do I want to know?

I had no idea those sites existed. What ze fuck

I can't with childfree comms. But maybe I should start hanging in those circles now that I've gotten my hysterectomy, so they can all tell me how bitterly jealous they are that I got an OB/GYN to perform that on a childless woman in her 20s.

I've never even heard of such a community. What do they do, brag about how they paid off their mortgage with all the disposable income they have left over from not raising kids?

Here guys, have fun!

http://childfree.livejournal.com/
http://cf-hardcore.livejournal.com/

I don't hate kids but I also can't stand when people expect me to love automatically love other people's kids or their atrocious behavior (which the parents seem to think is so precious and adorable).

If your kid climbs on the counter at a restaurant and starts sticking his hands in stuff while you completely ignore his inappropriate behavior, I'm going to get annoyed (this actually happened a few months ago and the kid was sticking his hands over the partition into the kitchen prep area and touching food that was about to be turned into my dinner).

Kids are like dogs to me - they're cute in theory, but that doesn't mean that I want every kid/dog within a five mile radius jumping on me. Just because I happen to be in the vicinity does not mean I came here to fawn all over your child or dog. People seem to get so offended when you don't automatically tell them how smart/awesome/perfect their (ordinary) kids are.

I know that's my issue with the parents more than the kids, but I can't stand watching those kids turn into the obnoxious delusional entitled idiots you see on reality tv (like the tone deaf contestants on American Idol who insist that Simon is an idiot for not recognizing their special snowflake status and talent).

Several years I went to the one on Ezboard. I respect being childfree but there is no reason for the people on the board to be that hateful towards those who are not. It was disgusting.

Edited at 2012-01-01 04:30 pm (UTC)

The funniest thing about people who are hardcore about being childfree is that they're basically children themselves. I remember one amazingly angry story posted by this twenty-five-year-old woman about how some FUCKING CROTCHDROPPING got to take the first book out of the box at a Harry Potter midnight release party instead of her when she had clearly spent more time on her costume and ugh stupid kids just ruin everything. Like, how fucking dare they let an actual child be the first to acquire a copy of a brand new children's book?

Haha I read an article once about some eco-crazed person in Portland who was like "you can recycle and use cloth diapers all you want but the biggest carbon footprint you'll ever leave is from having a child!!!" like ughhh. The obnoxiousness of a hippie w/ the child-free attitude.

In all honesty, I am glad that these people don't have children. I don't want more people like them in the world.

ugh you should have been in here for the jessica biel post the other day.

Well put, Doctor Blossom. (Not being sarcastic, I like that she was careful not to sound judgmental or preachy about a topic that inspires mostly judgmental and preachy language.)

IA! The comments on this post (not to imagine somewhere else where a larger percentage of readers are parents themselves) would be very different if her wording had been different, something like "this is the kind of parenting I've realised is the best for kids and parents alike, now let me give you some great tips!!".

I'm so glad she said this. I was about to flip my shit when I saw the title of her book.

Was? Am. I hope.

What is she depressed about? Being in a sharehouse instead of family home? She'll get there eventually. She's a young mother, she can't expect to have the money to raise a baby and buy a house all at once. I lived in a sharehouse, and one of my housemates was a lesbian whose partner was with a child. It was a bit annoying to hear the crying, but no one minded because if they ever needed help we would do what we could within our capacity. It sounds like a better deal to me than those new mothers who have a husband at work all day and have to deal with the baby and maintaining the household all by their lonesome.

maybe it's just that her life isn't exactly where she expected it would be, ya know?

that's tough to deal with, like being around someone who is depressed/down, though. good luck!

What do you mean she has dragged the guy into it?

Maybe just talk to her and tell her you noticed she seems down? Dealing with being a new mom is hard, especially if your financial/personal stuff isn't where she thought it would be when she had a kid. Maybe she just needs someone to talk to about it?

Does it count if my sister and I do that with our dog? ;_;

Omg this blog is amazing. Reading the top twenty yr end post now. So many crazy parents. The "Obviously Not A Mom" and Girl Scout Cookie fight are crazy!

THANK YOU!

I really liked this one, but I forgot what it was called.

Bit embarrassed now that I see how simple the name is....

IDK, I think that's cute as long as it's not overboard/overloading your news feed. It's obviously meant humorously and it's still better than people who make entire facebook accounts for their babies/pets.

i almost can't believe some of the people posted on that exist...like the people who bitch about community events not including children, or getting mad at people who give them "looks" when their rude-ass kid is screaming through the grocery, or bitching about their gifted kid being misunderstood... what the actual fuck. i want to have kids (a few, tbh), but good god your child is not the center of the universe, hire a babysitter rather than bringing your kid to inappropriate events and learn how to appreciate your kid on your own, not on facebook.

when that site was first created, i was like "ppl like this exist? wtf" and now... if i wasn't lazy, i could be contributing so much shit to that site. so many of my friends are new moms/pregnant and are fucking psycho. it's sad.

I actually was only recently able to start reading that site again. The comments used to be SO. BAD.

I admit, I like kids. I hate bratty kids though, and shitty, oversharing parents (hence the initial appeal of the site). But the absolute venom and hatttteee that was in the comments there was too much for me. I'm glad the blog owner started cracking down on some of it.

I had a FB friend that started a blog about being pregnant. I was like "Oh, I can't wait to read all about it, because you are the only person to have ever been pregnant ever!!!"

I just spent about three hours reading this blog, lol.

I didn't read the comment section though.

i once sent a baby gift to a pregnant friend. i got a thank you note signed by the proverbial fetus.

that was not necessary.