SOMEBODY posts a craigslist ad for a "CELEBRITY PERSONAL ASSISTANT". Funniest... ad... ever. Why? Well, just look under the cut for what the job would entail (my emphasis bolded):
CELEBRITY PERSONAL ASSISTANT
A non-smoking Personal Assistant needed for a busy, high profile, very down to earth and Grammy Nominated Urban Artist in the Music Industry. This position requires someone who is discreet, mature but youthful and has a full understanding of what it takes to be a Personal Assistant to a very busy Celebrity.
Duties include, but are not limited to:
• Making sure to always know ARTIST whereabouts and movements as needed.
• Making sure ARTIST is where he needs to be when he needs to be there and on time.
• Responsible at all times for ARTIST timeliness (Wake Up, Calls, Lobby Calls, Stage Times, and Departure/Arrival Times).
• Checking email every morning and through out the day as well as at the end of the evening.
• Checking in with ARTIST daily and each evening in order to review calendar/ upcoming appointments.
• Briefing Artist before arriving to any event on all need-to-know information.
• Helping ARTIST to complete all outstanding commitments (press calls, interviews, etc) by not only reminding him of deadlines, but also checking in along the way, and updating him of any and all applicable changes necessary for completion. Must make Management aware if tasks scheduled are not able to be completed within a reasonable amount of time.
• Handling re-routed personal phone calls for ARTIST as directed.
• Storing all contact numbers immediately upon receiving them in Blackberry/Treo and cell phone (items provided) ALWAYS.
• Handling light administrative tasks including faxing, sending and receiving packages, downloading music, going over e-mails with the Artist and printing out documents for signature as directed by Management.
• Must travel with laptop and portable printer (items provided) at all times.
• Handling daily personal needs for Artist including all meals, personal shopping, packing for travel, etc.
• Must make sure that LA Household is kept cleaned and well prepared to receive Artist at all times. Housekeeper is provided.
• Running all errands as requested.
• Making sure he eats breakfast, lunch, dinner and late night meals as needed.
• Preparing Artist for pre and post performances including; pre-performance rituals (packing after show wardrobe), dressing room preparations (candles, incense and tea), and standing side-stage during entire performance each night with Artist needs (towels, water, tea). Help Artist to change clothes in between performances as necessary.
• Carrying all show necessities in “show bag,” i.e., towels, change of clothes, toiletries.
• Comfortable with coordinating wardrobe “looks” for daily wear, routine performances and travel. Will assist STYLIST for media appearances, interviews, award shows, etc.
• Wardrobe maintenance (dry cleaning, laundry, repairs)
• Looking after all personal belongings to make sure nothing is lost or misplaced.
• Checks ARTIST in at airport.
• Checks ARTIST in and out of hotels.
• Check rooms (hotel and dressing) to make sure nothing is left behind. Then check it again just to be sure.
• Being available to help artist to prepare for movie auditions; including script readings and shopping for audition wardrobe, internet research.
• Being a willing ear to listen to Artist new creative developments.
• Must be comfortable navigating and giving driving directions throughout the Los Angeles Area. Use Map Quest if necessary.
• Must be comfortable navigating your way around New York City whenever necessary. Meaning if you don’t know, ask someone or figure it out.
• Able to take direction from Management Team.
This is not a job for the meek! Must be Thick-skinned.
Requirements: Bachelor's Degree and at least 2 years as a Personal Assistant to a Music or Film/Television celebrity REQUIRED.
The ideal candidate must be youthful and energetic. Professional, ethical, reliable, organized and multitask oriented. Confidentiality, discretion, diplomacy and resourcefulness are imperative as is a positive attitude. You should naturally possess a nurturing, compassionate and very personable disposition. Be comfortable as a caregiver with some natural instincts. Nothing overbearing, just the basics.
A detail oriented problem solver who takes initiative, can prioritize and follow through. A decision maker and situational thinker. Needs to grasp things quickly and work well with and without direction. A good memory is necessary. Must be proactive and able to think on your feet.
Know when to have a laid back approach/personality; observing when the Artist is in a creative mode as well as when to assert yourself when on the road and handling business. Must be a creative thinker with excellent written/verbal communication skills. Must have strong computer and Internet skills. Mac experience preferred, but PC experience is acceptable.
Applicant MUST have reliable references, be prepared to sign a confidentiality agreement and interested in being a career PA that can commit to at least a year, possibly longer, if things work out. Ability to travel domestically and internationally is MANDATORY. Current and unrestricted passport is required. Valid Drivers License is Required. Must have a reliable automobile with insurance if you reside in Los Angeles.
This position is very demanding and requires 24/7 attention to the job. Must be able to travel and work between various environments often and sometimes for indefinite periods of time. This person will be on call Monday-Sunday.
Blackberry/ TREO /PC and or MAC /Internet savvy.
WE ARE A GREAT TEAM TO WORK WITH!!!
THE PERKS ARE AMAZING!!!
LOOKING TO FILL POSITION IMMEDIATELY. PREFER APPLICANTS IN LOS ANGELES AREA, BUT WILL CONSIDER NEW YORK RESIDENTS. WILL WORK BETWEEN BOTH CITIES.
Blackberry OR TREO FAMILIAR
PC and/or MAC A MUST
Internet savvy A MUST
* Job location is New York City
* Compensation: Salary: $500 TO $700 PER WEEK NET DEPENDING ON EXPERIENCE.
And this is when you really go WTF. Do the calculations. Let's say you get the $700/week. That's $36,400 after taxes, people!!! So basically this "Artist" needs this much coddling and 24/7 attention from one person down to making sure you eat Breakfast, Lunch & Dinner and you want to ONLY shell out under $40K?
You've got to be fucking kidding me.
And who in the world do you think this "Celebrity" freak is?!?!?
Happy Admin Pro/Slave Day! Just think of it this way: At least you're not Celebrity Personal Peon.
Oh No They Didn't!
Celebrity Gossip With Commentary
- Slavery... it's what's for breakfast, lunch and dinner!