ONTD

1:45 am - 12/06/2011

Tom Hanks' Son Needs Urgent Help With Final Paper Due Today!!



Can You Help Him?

Our tipster tells us that the paper is due this afternoon.

Can someone please help poor procrastinating Chester-Chet Haze-Hanks (whose videos and live performances you are hopefully well-acquainted with, or he might blush!) finish his homework so that he can pass Fucksaw Development During the Industrial Revolution or whatever his class is officially called and move forward with his education?

If you're willing to share your notes, you can try him on his Twitter. You can also tweet him your notes one by one.

A Northwestern University student-tipster who's enrolled in the same American history class as Chet Haze—the rapping, acting, West Side (of Evanston)-dominating consequence of Tom Hanks' potent ejaculate—passed along this email that Haze sent across a listserv at 4 AM this morning:

What Up Everybody,

My names Chester Hanks, I'm a junior theater major, but some of you may know me better as "Chet Haze." Or maybe you dont, which would be embarrassing for me.....Anyway, if the sound of receiving this email on your phone woke you up at this hour, I sincerely apologize. Hopefully, there may be a few of you (like me) who for some reason just need to wait until literally the LAST MINUTE to get any work done—this final paper being no exception. I was wondering if anyone had notes from after November 1st to the end of the course on their computer that they would be willing to send my way. It would be much appreciated, and we could possibly work something out as a reward for the generosity. I'm really crossing my fingers on this one. Thanks! Happy studies.


-Chet



Source
vonlisbon 5th-Dec-2011 03:40 pm (UTC)
Legit curious because I work as an English tutor at a university: Have you ever tried doing it any other way? Probably 75+ percent of people who come in say that's how they work and that they work best that way. I just find it really difficult to believe that people would produce lower-quality work if they spent more time on it.

I'm going to c/p this comment a few times so sorry in advance to everyone. I just really want to know.
xtinkerbellax 5th-Dec-2011 03:45 pm (UTC)
I'm sure I'd produce a higher quality of work if I started it earlier, but tbh I find it extremely difficult to get motivated to do something I don't want to do/have no interest in. If it's a subject I really like that's one thing, but by the end of high school I was really burnt out on doing things I hated and had no interest in.
imsweetgetsome 5th-Dec-2011 03:56 pm (UTC)
I'm an English major so I've gotten a little creative but usually, I write my papers at least a week before they're due. At least, I did that in undergrad (I've been lazy in grad school).

I've also written them in a few hours before they were due.

I haven't really noticed a difference grade wise. I rarely get below a B on anything and if I do, it's because I just didn't put enough general effort into that paper. Or the professor was too difficult in his or her grading.

I feel like time does not equal effort given. If I make myself sit down for three or four hours solidly, no internet, no tv, etc etc, I can write a solid paper. I can also write a solid paper over the span of a few days by focusing about an hour a day.
whosmurry 5th-Dec-2011 04:10 pm (UTC)
Do you find it's easier to maintain focus for several hours or in short bursts? I know I did better when I blocked off huge chunks of time, which always happened to come at the last minute. I was a professional writing major, and my profs always encouraged us to write an hour a night, but I would sit down to do that and end up getting nothing done.
interrobamf 5th-Dec-2011 04:01 pm (UTC)
I really don't think most people would spend more time on their papers, even if they started earlier. I wouldn't. And doing papers piecemeal over time makes me lose my flow of thought and my papers don't end up as tight and concise; I hate classes that make you do papers one portion at a time.

Edited at 2011-12-05 04:02 pm (UTC)
jay_oats 5th-Dec-2011 04:07 pm (UTC)
for me the only way I can get a paper to work is if I write it all in one sitting and the only way that I can motivate myself to do that is with the pressure of the deadline.
childish 5th-Dec-2011 04:08 pm (UTC)
I think the thing is, if you added up the time you spent on the paper - it's the same thing. It takes me five hours to write a paper, but that five hours feels like longer if I write for an hour or two every night with half-concentration (because I know I have all this free time) as opposed to sitting down and being forced to concentrate on solely that for five hours.
kiandra_fire 5th-Dec-2011 04:26 pm (UTC)
I think it depends on how much you like the material, too. When I was in school, I remember writing papers the day of (usually the day before), but then there was one class that I absolutely loved where I went to talk to the teacher about it a week or two before it was due and had already written the 10+ page paper and proofread it twice. I still miss that class.

However, a class in Medieval Lit in Translation? Yeah, no. Nonono. I liked the teacher, but the subject was bleh. The only good thing was reenacting the Nibelungenlied with He-Man and Super Mario action figures.
expromqueen 5th-Dec-2011 04:37 pm (UTC)
i graduated as an english major and i got straight-a's and i definitely worked better under pressure...don't underestimate the ability of an adrenaline rush and panic to get the wheels spinning...when i was in a major time crunch i was able to devote 100% of my energy and thoughts to what i was writing
lost_in_dreamz_ 5th-Dec-2011 04:54 pm (UTC)
I can honestly say I work better doing things at the last minute, and such got me through undergrad and law school. When I start things out in advance, and try to write over time, I completely lose my flow. My writing is disjointed, I have less energy and enthusiasm, the whole paper just lacks a certain oomph to it that the adrenaline of procrastination provides. Papers, for me, just come out better when they're the product of a furied stream of consciousness and racing train of thought.

Anecdotal evidence! I only waited until the last minute once in law school, as opposed to always in undergrad. I wrote a 40 page bioethics paper draft the day before it was due. My prof said it was more than good enough to be a final paper and I got an A+. None of the papers I wrote at an appropriately even and timely pace neared that same elusive A+ quality. Yet in undergrad, where I always procrastinated until the very last moments, nearly all of my papers were A's. Thus, I feel confident to say that for me, it is how I work better.

Edited at 2011-12-05 04:58 pm (UTC)
deathbytamarind 5th-Dec-2011 05:03 pm (UTC)
I'm a journalist so I'm used to writing under deadlines, usually only a day or two. Sometimes I can get papers and assignments done in advance, but typically I'm so loaded with other stuff that needs to be done sooner that when I can shuffle something off to later, I do.

Also, I like to procrastinate, so there's that too. :) But I do well.
gettyupcowboy 5th-Dec-2011 05:29 pm (UTC)
I have and believe me, I produced a shitty as product over time. My papers given 0-3 day spans, I always get a 86+ on it, usually a 92-100 range but I have received a lone 86 due to citation errors.
simr2277 5th-Dec-2011 05:34 pm (UTC)
The couple of times I did outlines and rough draft and plan everything out I got like a high b. Start 3 hours before its due? A!

I think it's because I constantly over think things so if I have time to edit myself I constantly question everything I've written and probably change a whole lot of things that don't need changing.
robinsparkle 5th-Dec-2011 06:45 pm (UTC)
Honestly, I cannot even start a paper if I know it's not due for a while. The ideas wont come to my head. I've tried starting early a few times, and I usually scrap it and do it over again all at the same time.

I doubt I do better this way, but I cannot find it in me to stsrt a paper early and come back to it.
buffy_usa 5th-Dec-2011 07:09 pm (UTC)
i'm not in school anymore but this premise applies to work as well

sometimes i feel like my creative juices really don't flow as well when i'm idle and have the potential to be distracted

i need to be under pressure, which is ridiculous i know, because the pressure stresses me out all the same

when i was in college, freshman year -
i had spanish at 8 and french at 9 then 1 hour break and english lit at 11. every single time i had an english lit paper due (the 200-500 short essay kind), i would go to the school library after french class and knock out my paper in 1 hour.

if i spent more time, i'd probably change it 100x and agonize over it. maybe it's the analogy of when you take multi choice tests and you're coached to go wtih your first gut instinct.

writing papers = same, i sit down, i write the paper (or now business review or white paper) and knock it out. i need the fast approaching deadline to force me to focus.

sorry if tmi
noahbb 6th-Dec-2011 04:58 am (UTC)
I work best under pressure. I don't know why. All the assignments I've done last minute I scored 80%+. This girl I go to class with tells me how she's always amazed how I pull things off. Last time we did an assignment, she said it took her over a week and she's still not done, and she didn't know how I was going to pull it off. I got a 90% and she was baffled.

I think it's because I know that I have to complete it, it's the final day, and I work my hardest. If I work earlier, I see no point.
principlvaliant 6th-Dec-2011 11:21 am (UTC)
I want to be a university tutor :( So jelly.
emilynine 7th-Dec-2011 09:55 pm (UTC)
i think spending more time on something will get you better results, people just don't know/aren't taught how to outline and develop ideas very well at any academic level. also, i have discovered english/humanities, at least at research universities, do not set a very high standard for (undergraduate) student writing performance. and i will say that whenever I've had to proofread other student's papers for a class, there was always room for improvement. maybe for a very small minority of people the "working under pressure" gets the best results...but by and large i think that is not true.

i think a really good exercise for writing would be having to re-write the same paper over with more sources and shorter length, because i think that would show people that the more time you put into something, the better and more concise your writing can be.
freeze_i_say 7th-Dec-2011 10:33 pm (UTC)
I did all the research two weeks prior, then I left it aside while I did something completely different but pondered all the while my topic, then wrote it out with minutes to spare. I got excellent grades but the last bit was so traumatizing omg. I wish I did things differently in hindsight but at the time it was the only way I could a killer argument / thread / flow going.
ivybgreenflower 8th-Dec-2011 05:51 am (UTC)
When I was in school, my work was shit if I had too much time. I mean, I'd think about the topics and whatever ahead of time, but the writing, that had to be last minute or it would meander or I'd get bored and walk away and the tone would change by the time I got back. Everything I wrote that was either last minute or timed (like AP test prep) was so much better. I have to get ideas out in one big spurt or it just sucks.
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