Kardashian Fatigue '11: NY Daily News asks media to boycott Kim Kardashian

If Kim does something and tweets about it, but no one is around to read it, does she still exist?

Kris Humphries, you’re the lucky one.

Now, if only the rest of us poor souls trapped in the reality TV universe could get a quickie divorce from all things Kim Kardashian. Wouldn’t that be nice!

But is it even possible to have a world where images of Kim Kardashian’s flawless, fake smile aren’t as common as cell phones?

I say it is. We should boycott Kim the Heartbreaker. We can do it, people! We have the power to make this money-grubbing airhead go away. Be strong!

Change the channel the instant “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” comes on. You’ll find no reality there.

If you see her powdered mug on a magazine cover here, there or everywhere, fight the urge to pick it up.

If you follow her on Twitter, quick! Unfollow her!

Don’t buy clothing from the Kardashian Kollection — certainly not that dreadful striped single-shoulder dress!

And, whatever you do, definitely don’t drop your hard-earned dough on her perfume: “Love — Limited Edition.” (BTW, if that’s not the most ironic name for the fragrance of a bride who couldn’t make it to Day 73 in her marriage, I don’t know what is.)

Let’s go back to the Fourth of July on one of the thousand lakes of Minnesota. Lake Minnewashta was the one, and it’s where the handsome New Jersey Nets forward brought his ample-bosomed bride-to-be home to meet his family. Always a big moment, and Kris was already feeling nervous.

Before Kim came to town, the biggest threat was keeping dreaded zebra mussels out of the lake.

Humphries tweeted, “How do I convince Kim that Minnesota is better than L.A.?”

We all know how that worked out. And now Lake Minnewashta will be Kim-free (at least if they follow the directions above).

Oh, how I envy them!

Now, as the good people of that Minnesota town try to defeat the zebra mussel, we in the media have to write the knee-jerk Kim-did-this stories. Imagine the headlines:

“Should Kim give the ring back? (Or did she pay for it herself?)”

“Should Kris and Kim give the gifts back?” (Those peeved guests may have an argument.)

“Should they donate to charity some of the $17.9 million they got for those E! and People exclusives?”

“Is she still in love with Reggie Bush?”

“Was the whole wedding just a publicity ploy?”

And through everything all-about-Kim that is to come, Kardashian, Inc. will be spinning it. Because Curvy Kim’s media-mastermind momager, Kris Jenner, makes Dina Lohan and all previous stage mothers look like soccer moms.

True, she forgot to give her daughters singing or piano lessons, as Alicia Keys’ single mom did, so now Kim has no talent beyond the aesthetic. And that doesn’t even matter. It’s all about marketing.

In fact, the last straw for Kardashian reportedly came when Humphries dared to hire his own publicist!!?? But, quickly kicked to the bench as Humphries was, he will be no match against Jenner’s well-oiled machine. He is chum in the water. It’s going to be worse than when (and if) the L.A. Lakers play the Nets on Dec. 18.

But Kim did one thing right — at least she didn’t have Humphries’ baby. Or did she actually miss a chance to promote herself? Think about how much cheese exclusive pics of that kid would have fetched, not to mention the reality TV spinoff possibilities.

Several years ago, celebrities went corporate, branding themselves like Jell-O. In September, KK reached 10 million Twitter followers. It’s an instant market of the infinite, and she’s got the (bundles of) endorsement contracts
to prove it.

If Kim tweets that she just LOVES the turquoise Zinnia Slingbacks on Shoedazzle, thousands of women will buy them without even knowing that she owns Shoedazzle.

The reality is Kim Kardashian is a narcissist for the ages. Just watch Kris and Kim’s “wedding” video. When she kisses her new, younger husband as the TV cameras roll for the voyeurs, she looks as if she doesn’t want to smear her lip gloss (no doubt her brand, LipFusion). There’s zero chemistry. Dude must feel so played.

But what better person to peddle your merch than the Queen of Narcissism? You know, the person who says, “Enough about me. What do YOU think of my hair?”

It’s all about them. Narcissists crave attention from anybody and everybody all the time. So, let’s join forces to snub her.

Andy Warhol once said, “Making money is art, and working is art and good business is the best art.” But at least Warhol could draw.