Listen, we're really happy that Darren Criss and Harry Shum are sticking around "Glee" as series regulars. It's a well-deserved promotion.
Unfortunately, a giant wet blanket of sadness was tossed over our celebrations when we learned that Chord Overstreet didn't get the expected upgrade, and likely won't be sticking around McKinley High for long -- if he returns at all -- this fall.
Last summer, when we learned that the "Glee" bosses were introducing new characters to the Glee club, we admittedly weren't too psyched. There were already so many characters in the club who we barely knew. We couldn't possibly find the space on our hearts to fall in love with another character.
We were wrong. We totally love Sam Evans.
So, Ryan Murphy, Brad Falchuk, and Ian Brennan -- take note! We've compiled a handy list of reasons why you should Sam Evans in the club and to give Chord Overstreet his due.
Go on, go crawling back to him and his agent, apologize, beg him to forgive you, promise to make it up to him, buy him a car... something.
10 Excellent Reasons Sam Should Stay (Or #DontCutTheChord: A Summary)
10. You made him wear tiny gold shorts. You can't just make a guy wear tiny gold shorts and then kick him out. You know what that is, Ryan Murphy*? That's mean.
9. No one else brings the Beliebers. As much as we hate to admit it, Justin Bieber basically rules the world, and we should all fear his fans, for they have the power to rise up and overthrow us all. In "The Comeback," Sam schemed to raise some extra cash with "The Justin Bieber Experience," in which he donned a purple hoodie and won the hearts of JB fans everywhere (while making Beliebers out of some of the last remaining hold-outs). You need the Bieber fans on your side, Ryan Murphy. Don't anger them.
8. We are in a freaking recession. Listen, we appreciate that your show is set in Lima, Ohio, instead of on the Upper East Side or in the 90210 zip. We respect the fact that when we see Rachel Berry wearing a cute cardigan, and we Google to find out where she got it, there's usually a pretty good chance we'll be able to afford it when we get our next paycheck. But on the weeks when we're rationing Ramen noodles, we appreciate the fact that Sam can't pay for prom. And we further appreciate that he's one of few characters whose family life has been touched on, because these kids don't actually live in the choir room, right? Sam represents a huge number of struggling people in America, and the Evans family tease is not fair. We want more.
7. He breaks the mold. No offense, Ryan Murphy, but you've got a whole lot of stereotypes happening on your show... and Sam Evans is not one of them. A hot blond jock type who is completely devoid of homophobia and unwilling to be governed by the pervasive, day-to-day homophobia that plagues high schools across the country. A teenage boy who obsesses over his body and worries that he's not good enough. A cool kid who is a total freaking geek. Have we mentioned we love him? We love him.
6. Comic relief. "Glee" is a comedy. (That's what keeps you from going up against shows like "Dexter" and "Mad Men" at the Emmys, Ryan Murphy.) But the show emphasizes certain kinds of funny -- big, exaggerated physical comedy (slushies!), sharp, biting comedy (Sue Sylvester!), and really dumb comedy (Finn and Brittany!). Sam supplies a very different kind of humor. His jokes are quieter, often awkward, and always endearing. They make the audience feel like we're in on a secret. It's a relatable, warm kind of humor -- it won Quinn over, and it worked on us, too. You don't want to lose that.
5. Do it for Mercedes. Has Mercedes ever had a storyline that lasts more than one episode? Not if you don't count her continued quest for more solos, which totally doesn't count, because it's basically a storyline about how she deserves a storyline, since the solos belong to characters who have stuff to sing about. In the season finale, we saw that Mercedes and Sam have been dating on the downlow, and we loved it. We can't wait to see who Mercedes is when she's in a relationship, especially one with someone as down-to-earth and laid back as Sam. If you need to get political - because this show does that kind of a lot, Ryan Murphy - we can do that too. We've explored the implications of a gay relationship in small-town Ohio. Can we talk about the lingering stigma attached to interracial relationships now?
4. He can sing! Oh, yeah. From the opening notes of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" in the shower, we knew we had some real talent there. (Uh, no offense to those members of New Directions who are not so naturally gifted.) While we'd all love for the show to place more emphasis on plot and less emphasis on fitting 47 musical numbers into one episode, we know that as long as the songs keep raking in cash from iTunes, the music-to-plot ratio is only going to increase. Chord contributes to that. We love the tone of his voice and were hoping to hear more of it next season. Let's face it -- Finn simply shouldn't be the lead male vocalist in this club anymore.
3. You made fun of his mouth all year. You can't just call a guy Troutymouth for an entire season then kick him out. You know what that is, Ryan Murphy? That's mean.
2. He's got some longevity. You, Ryan Murphy, have a graduation problem. It's a problem that plagues the bosses of every high school show -- the kids have to graduate sometime, unless they're all really really dumb, or bizarrely ageless like Elijah Wood. At the end of Season 3, you're going to lose four of your main characters to graduation. Rachel, Finn, Quinn, and Puck will all say goodbye. When Sam was introduced, it was made apparent that he was younger than the lead characters, which means that if he sticks around, he'll be another familiar face around to ease the transition when we say goodbye to our favorites.
1. The fans really, really love him. When it all comes down to it, isn't that the most important thing? Since news broke of Overstreet's exit from the show, the fans have rallied. The #dontcutthechord hashtag gained serious Twitter traction, and an online petition has racked up more than 6,000 signatures in support of Overstreet. If you're all about the Benjamins, the fans are willing to put their money where their Troutymouth is, too. Gleeks have hit up iTunes in droves to buy Sam's first song, "Billionaire," to make their opinions very clear. Before the news broke, the song was at #64 on the "Glee" chart. Thanks to passionate fans with a $1.29 to spare, it reached #5 on the chart within two days.
So come on, Ryan Murphy. The "Glee" Live Tour ended tonight. Give Chord Overstreet a nice generous contract to come home to, for the ten reasons outlined above. Also because, you know, he just spent more than two months on the road performing to promote your show. Also because he has pretty hair. Also because he looks like that in the tiny gold shorts you made him wear.
*By Ryan Murphy, we obviously mean Murphy and Ian Brennan and Brad Falchuk. It's just that Murphy's shiny head makes him seem so powerful.
Go buy Billionaire and help this beautiful boy out.