Oh, posts about Jose Canseco's Twitter feed, I wish I knew how to quit you.
On each occasion that I write about the ex-ballplayer's odd 14o-character dispatches — whether they tell his side of the story in his twin brother boxing switch or claim he'll play in the majors again or simply threaten the physical well-being of his followers — I swear it'll be the last time I dip into such an easily accessible well.
But then Canseco opens another dimension to the medium that's so mind-bendingly awesome — like, say, propose marriage to the freak pop star of the moment — and it becomes impossible to resist.
So let's get to the part where he creepily suggested holy matrimony to Lady Gaga from the floor of an Arizona casino the other night, shall we?
While the chances of Lady Gaga showing up at an out-of-the-way casino on a Monday night or Tuesday morning probably wouldn't have improved any, I might have suggested that Canseco include @ladygaga in his tweet so she could have had a better chance of seeing it. Surely it wouldn't have been lost among the @replies bleating from the 10 million with questionable music taste that follow her.
But let's not suggest that Canseco's pining is a complete longshot. Canseco, if you'll remember, once dated Madonna when both were on top of the world about 20 years ago. Maybe he's still got game and can land a songstress with a similar knack for controversy.
Although it should also be noted that if Gaga continues on her career path of doing everything that the Material Girl did, only not quite, Ozzie Canseco is going to be a very lucky man.