ONTD

6:46 pm - 04/07/2011

Gwyneth Paltrow is an asshole: COOKBOOK EDITION!!

Eater pulled the very "best" lines from Gwyneth's new cookbook My Father's Daughter, wherein Gwynnie states loud and proud:


[Image via sexy, sexy Gabe at Videogum]


1) "One year I was given a birthday present I'll never forget — a cooking lesson from Jamie Oliver."
2) "Through this process my father and daughter had unwittingly taught me the importance of balance. Could I use some butter and cheese and eggs in my cooking without going down some kind of hippie shame spiral? Yes. Of course I could."
3) "The stove is really the epicenter of my house — I am never far away from it and most of the time there is something atop it, simmering away for my family."
4) "When I was twenty-one, a friend gave me a book called Diet for a New America by John Robbins, which exposed the brutal practices of American factory farms. That, coupled with a lecture from Leonardo DiCaprio (when he was nineteen and I was twenty-one) about how such animals are kept and processed, made me lose my desire for factory farm pork and beef right there."
5) On Vegenaise: "My most often-used and beloved ingredient. It can be found at most grocery stores and all health food stores—unfortunately not yet in London. Regular mayo is fine and works, but Vegenaise is a healthier alternative.
6) "I grew up going to the island of Nantucket (off the coast of Massachusetts) at the end of every summer."
7) "I'm not sure how healthy bacon is in general, but I know it's incredibly delicious."
8) "I basically love anything that comes in a hot dog bun... except hot dogs (sorry, Dad)."
9) "One cold wintry day in London, I was dreaming about salad niçoise—one of my favorites."
10) "I love corn so much I tried to grow it one summer in the garden. The raccoons loved it even more."
11) "I had my first bowl of gazpacho when I was fifteen in Spain, and the impression it made was a lasting one."
12) "During the strict macrobiotic chapter of my life, I ate miso soup every day for breakfast and sometimes with dinner as well."
13) "One evening when I had my wood-burning stove going I realized I hadn't thought of dessert."
14) "I first had a version of this at a Japanese monastery during a silent retreat—don't ask, it's a long story."
15) "We've got a wood-burning pizza oven in the garden—a luxury, I know, but it's one of the best investments I've ever made."
16)
"When I pass a flowering zucchini plant in a garden, my heart skips a beat."

Source: Eater
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brenden 7th-Apr-2011 10:53 pm (UTC)
idk after her character on glee i like her a little more
solira21 7th-Apr-2011 10:56 pm (UTC)
ia
evil_slayer 7th-Apr-2011 10:57 pm (UTC)
same, and country strong.
waxandstrings 7th-Apr-2011 11:10 pm (UTC)
Me too.
darkwarrior 7th-Apr-2011 11:23 pm (UTC)
fletwock 8th-Apr-2011 02:51 am (UTC)
lmao I love this movie.
happens 8th-Apr-2011 02:53 am (UTC)
hahahahaha, I'm so saving this.
zulkey 8th-Apr-2011 12:54 am (UTC)
I don't watch Glee so I can go on blissfully hating her.
her_schism 8th-Apr-2011 07:52 pm (UTC)
i hate her character on glee so much.
crucified 7th-Apr-2011 10:54 pm (UTC)
lol
bienenkiste "One evening when I had my wood-burning stove going I realized I hadn't thought of dessert."7th-Apr-2011 10:54 pm (UTC)
THE HORROR
crucified Re: "One evening when I had my wood-burning stove going I realized I hadn't thought of dessert."7th-Apr-2011 10:55 pm (UTC)
LMAO
hannahstarr Re: "One evening when I had my wood-burning stove going I realized I hadn't thought of dessert."7th-Apr-2011 11:01 pm (UTC)
ikr
carverhawke Re: "One evening when I had my wood-burning stove going I realized I hadn't thought of dessert."7th-Apr-2011 11:07 pm (UTC)
OH GOD ANYTHING BUT THAT
starchain Re: "One evening when I had my wood-burning stove going I realized I hadn't thought of dessert."7th-Apr-2011 11:08 pm (UTC)
lol
lollapoe Re: "One evening when I had my wood-burning stove going I realized I hadn't thought of dessert."7th-Apr-2011 11:11 pm (UTC)
lol, it's like that campfire horror story from "Troop Beverly Hills":

"- And then, when i looked in the mirror, I saw that... HE GAVE ME A PERM!!!!!"
katiluv87 Re: "One evening when I had my wood-burning stove going I realized I hadn't thought of dessert."8th-Apr-2011 12:54 am (UTC)
I love that movie.
deadendqueen16 Re: "One evening when I had my wood-burning stove going I realized I hadn't thought of dessert."7th-Apr-2011 11:16 pm (UTC)
IKR
luvthatdrtywata Re: "One evening when I had my wood-burning stove going I realized I hadn't thought of dessert."7th-Apr-2011 11:18 pm (UTC)
Your mockery is unjust. Forgetting to prepare a dessert for your guests after their 4 course small plate organic repast is a form of dread you simply cannot fathom.

One time, my dear friend Cokie Roberts and I were hosting a dinner party in honor of 2006 Nobel Laureate Akira Suzuki. The event had been sponsored by Dom (Cristal is so passe, don't you think?) and the bubbly had been a flowing. By the time we got to the third course, I overhear a conversation between Mary Lou Retton and Kofi Annan about what how dessert selection might be. In a panic, I rushed to my housemaid Guadalupe and begged her to walk the 5 miles to the local vegan bakery and pick up an assortment of profiteroles.

When she returned 2 hours later, she was holding a box of cream horns! I couldn't believe it. I immediately made her pack her things and paid her her wages for the next month and told her she needed to be off the property immediately. Good help is so hard to come by. Thank gosh, my darling friend Tinsley Mortimer was running late. She kindly delivered the proper dessert and no one was any the wiser.

But I will tell you that the anxiety I felt during those few short hours, no one should go through that. Sometimes I just wish I could fly away to a third world country were there are no dinner parties or afternoon teas or black tie soirees. Those people in Libya need to realize how lucky they are and stop fighting, they don't know how easy they have it.
x_butterfly19_x Re: "One evening when I had my wood-burning stove going I realized I hadn't thought of dessert."7th-Apr-2011 11:22 pm (UTC)
DISASTUH
ides_of_smarch Re: "One evening when I had my wood-burning stove going I realized I hadn't thought of dessert."7th-Apr-2011 11:43 pm (UTC)
mte
sugary_placenta Re: "One evening when I had my wood-burning stove going I realized I hadn't thought of dessert."8th-Apr-2011 06:50 pm (UTC)
LMFAO
henryevil 7th-Apr-2011 10:55 pm (UTC)
lmao I love Gabe's hatred of her so much
_quietriot_ 7th-Apr-2011 10:55 pm (UTC)
"Could I use some butter and cheese and eggs in my cooking without going down some kind of hippie shame spiral? Yes. Of course I could."

LOL, what does that even mean?
whitegirlthin 7th-Apr-2011 10:56 pm (UTC)
She was wondering if the hippie inside of her would feel shame over her use of butter and cheese and eggs. lol
_quietriot_ 7th-Apr-2011 10:59 pm (UTC)
haha, i had no idea that butter cheese and eggs were a "hippie" thing, TBH? she cracks me up sometimes.
luvthatdrtywata 7th-Apr-2011 11:32 pm (UTC)
It means that just because one cannot understand how one lives on $25,000 a year, does not mean that one cannot cook like one. I teach little Portentia and Rigby that peasant food is not to be frowned about in moderation. While they prefer omlettes made of free range egg whites, matsutake mushrooms, gruyere and chorizo, sometimes for a treat i will substitute the truffle oil for butter and the gruyere for the Kraft American singles you poor people are so fond of.
vonlisbon 8th-Apr-2011 12:00 am (UTC)
It means that she's taken ten minutes of her life to research how fucking shitty dairy products are raised in the US and, instead of paying obscene amounts for the local, organic versions, she apparently frequently chooses to just forgo these ingredients.
Notice how at no point in here did she say "and everyone else should do this, too."
the_wolski 7th-Apr-2011 10:55 pm (UTC)
delete this post
larrylurker 7th-Apr-2011 10:56 pm (UTC)
lol
the_wolski 7th-Apr-2011 11:23 pm (UTC)
mte
xvmorganalefayv 8th-Apr-2011 12:07 am (UTC)
Serious question: where is the misogyny in roundly mocking someone who clearly has no perspective? I mean, if I missed something in there about how being a woman has something to do with her fuckstupid attitudes, please redirect my attention.
booboobedo 8th-Apr-2011 02:29 pm (UTC)
this is more classism rather than sexism. the fact that she happens to be a woman making ridiculous comments about the luxuries of her life does nothing to detract from the fact that it rubs most of us ~common folk wrong. i mean shit, i don't have a wood stove. what is my life?!
browniecakemix 8th-Apr-2011 07:28 pm (UTC)
lol we're mocking her for her utter lack of class awareness not for her lady parts

srsly I don't see any misogyny in this post
camillesaens 8th-Apr-2011 08:54 pm (UTC)
ugh barely saw this. gross.
grande_latte 7th-Apr-2011 10:55 pm (UTC)
i only like her in Iron Man
yourlivewire 7th-Apr-2011 11:25 pm (UTC)
agreed.
anime_fanatic19 8th-Apr-2011 01:44 am (UTC)
and only in IM1.
whitegirlthin 7th-Apr-2011 10:56 pm (UTC)
LMAO who does she think she's impressing with this shit? What a poof
eds_blue_eyes 7th-Apr-2011 10:57 pm (UTC)
LOL do you know what poof means?
whitegirlthin 7th-Apr-2011 11:00 pm (UTC)
A homosexual? The thing on top of Snooki's head?
squirrels_oh_no 7th-Apr-2011 11:02 pm (UTC)
A magazine for magicians.
agoraphobicorgy 8th-Apr-2011 12:39 am (UTC)
lol you mean this didn't make you shed a tear?

16) "When I pass a flowering zucchini plant in a garden, my heart skips a beat."


that's pretty deep, man..
bulimia 7th-Apr-2011 10:56 pm (UTC)
i refuse to read this post, but i will hate nonetheless
octopussgardenn 7th-Apr-2011 11:02 pm (UTC)
OMG flawless icon!
sirsalutation 8th-Apr-2011 06:02 am (UTC)
oh hey!
sirsalutation 8th-Apr-2011 06:03 am (UTC)
sorry, i meant this icon.
anachu 7th-Apr-2011 11:00 pm (UTC)
:( imu
octopussgardenn 7th-Apr-2011 11:03 pm (UTC)
she's pretentious, so what? i bet all celebrities are, she just doesn't hide it...
subwaysleep 7th-Apr-2011 11:18 pm (UTC)
have you met her?
lloneke 7th-Apr-2011 11:26 pm (UTC)
i bet
eds_blue_eyes 7th-Apr-2011 10:56 pm (UTC)
16) "When I pass a flowering zucchini plant in a garden, my heart skips a beat."

heehee
bulimia 7th-Apr-2011 10:57 pm (UTC)
omg a this bitch tag
bienenkiste 7th-Apr-2011 11:11 pm (UTC)
IKR!
happypekpek 7th-Apr-2011 10:58 pm (UTC)
i have running water in my apartment - a luxury, i know.
starchain 7th-Apr-2011 11:15 pm (UTC)
lol
luvthatdrtywata 7th-Apr-2011 11:26 pm (UTC)
at my vacation bungalow in st. bart's we keep a low pressure, outdoor shower. not only is it more environmentally conscience but it helps us to become more at one with nature. it's breathtaking to awaken from a slumber to the sound of roaring waves and the native st. barthians running in the shimmering white sands. i step out into our handmade hermes copper outdoor shower, breathe the fresh ocean air and remember our blissfully lucky i am to have married rich.

but nothing can compare to returning home to my indoor plumbing, it is truly a gift and a luxury. especially during these difficult economic times, it's so important to really respect the little thing.
niimaa 7th-Apr-2011 11:56 pm (UTC)
are you quoting from the book? because that would be totally fucked up if she actually wrote that. LOLtastic but fucked up :D
bronxdawn 8th-Apr-2011 07:19 pm (UTC)
Your posts are seriously the greatest thing in LIFE...
caacac 7th-Apr-2011 10:58 pm (UTC)
Ok
color_schemer 7th-Apr-2011 10:58 pm (UTC)
extremisttt 8th-Apr-2011 04:28 am (UTC)
this is me about 98% of the time I enter an ONTD post, chins and all.
da_jungalist 8th-Apr-2011 06:49 pm (UTC)
AHHAHAHAHHAH ICONNNNN!!!
LOL
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