ONTD

Welcome to my first post to ONTD. I figured this occasion is best marked by the bitter vitriol I normally spew in my comments, so I bring you an accompaniment to this lovely post, actors who really can sing. I call it Actors Who Really Can't Sing.

Put on your rabid-cat faces, pour yourself a glass of haterade, and get ready to criticize some horrible singing.




5. Pierce Brosnan, Mamma Mia

Pierce entered this film with a strategy that has worked for many actors before him, most notably Richard Gere, the sing-speak approach. The key to this strategy is to not sing, really, but instead speak the words to the rhythm of the song, almost like a lame, broadway rap. Somehow Pierce is so musically challenged he couldn't even manage this.

When he was forced to actually sustain a note, things got really bad:


This tortured my ears as much as Die Another Day tortured my eyes.
Grade: D-

4. Cameron Diaz

Cameron Diaz showcased her vocal stylings in the 1997 film, A Life Less Ordinary.  There were a lot of things to love about this quirky comedy. Cameron Diaz's singing was not one of them.



Put down the microphone, honey, Ewan and I are having a moment.
Grade: F

3. Jon Stewart (not really acting anymore, but w/e)

Stewart very reluctantly joined the more musically gifted Stephen Colbert in a duet in at the Rally to Restore Sanity/Fear. It restored my fear more than my sanity.


Of all the people on this list, he was the only one who had the good sense to apologize afterward.
Grade: F-

2. Denise Richards

Baseball games have the dubious honor of producing some of the worst celebrity singing in the history of tone-deaf, delusional actors.  Only in this context is Denise Richards merely the second worst singer we've heard.



Take her out to the ballgame. Actually, somebody please just take her out.
Grade: F- -

1. Roseanne Barr

This really needs no explanation.


I wish she had forgotten more of the words. Nay, all of the words.
Grade: F - - -

Who is on your list, ONTD?

Sources: Me
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