12:49 pm - 09/14/2010

Way to Waste a Perfectly Good Burrito

The mansluts of Motley Crue were way ahead of their time. Long before the "Smell Yo Dick" method came along, Motley Crue went to great lengths to keep the skank cloud on their peens from wafting into their girlfriend's noses. Vince Neil tells Hustler (via Contact Music) that they would hide the rank scent of herp pus, wart scabs, snatch jelly and dried man chowder by rubbing egg burritos all over their crotches. Who ordered the egg and spoiled chorizo burrito? Just in time for breakfast! Bon appebarf!

Vince tells Hustler, "We were always fucking other chicks at the studio and backstage... We would take Tommy Lee's van to a restaurant called Noggles to buy these egg burritos and then rub them on our crotches to cover the smell of the girls we had just fucked. So our dicks smelled of eggs... We would tell our girlfriends, 'Oh, we dropped the burritos in our laps.' The girlfriends thought we were a bunch of clumsy slobs. We never thought about going into the restroom and just washing our dicks."

Why stick your dick under the faucet in the bathroom at Noggles when you can fuck a tortilla vagina filled with scrambled eggs! That's more fun! Stupid fucks! Unless Vince Neil was dating Jessica Simpson's brain twin, there's no way that she bought his shit story every time. I mean, why wasn't he wearing pants while eating a burrito? Why was there also an underline scent of rotten kipper boiling under the sun in a plastic tub full of clam juice?

Besides, I'm sure Vince's natural sex scent smells like scrambled eggs, hot sauce and sausage, so he wasted a delicious breakfast burrito. That's the saddest part.

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antumbral 14th-Sep-2010 04:51 pm (UTC)
... ew.
sparklebunnies 14th-Sep-2010 04:51 pm (UTC)
fendurbendur 14th-Sep-2010 09:08 pm (UTC)
roqz 14th-Sep-2010 04:52 pm (UTC)
secondanchor 14th-Sep-2010 04:52 pm (UTC)
wtf is this
chibi 14th-Sep-2010 04:53 pm (UTC)
just here for the smell yo dick reference

ohwutevernvm 14th-Sep-2010 05:40 pm (UTC)
coraelle 14th-Sep-2010 05:50 pm (UTC)
now i'm going to be singing this all day! fuck's sake!
chibi 14th-Sep-2010 05:52 pm (UTC)
♪ why you comin home, 5 in da mo'nin
somethings goin, can i smell yo diq ♫
m_h_p 14th-Sep-2010 06:32 pm (UTC)
Isn't it AMAZING?
henryevil 14th-Sep-2010 04:53 pm (UTC)
invaderscythe 14th-Sep-2010 04:59 pm (UTC)
Lol ia Ariel
animalyears 14th-Sep-2010 04:55 pm (UTC)
after reading slash's (auto) biography nothing could surprise me about these guys
resin 14th-Sep-2010 05:11 pm (UTC)
i've read motley crue 'the dirt' and the heroin diaries by nikki sixx. slash's book is my next one!
kissmyirish 14th-Sep-2010 04:55 pm (UTC)
I don't even know how someone would come up with that idea.
platinumpinup 14th-Sep-2010 04:57 pm (UTC)
hugmeimdirty 14th-Sep-2010 04:58 pm (UTC)
psion_dynamo thank you14th-Sep-2010 05:02 pm (UTC)
bring some sexy back to get my mind off that nastiness.
extinctionevent Re: thank you14th-Sep-2010 09:33 pm (UTC)
angelofsaturn 14th-Sep-2010 09:49 pm (UTC)
Thank you so very much for this.
invaderscythe 14th-Sep-2010 04:59 pm (UTC)
Thank god I hate eggs, now I hate them even more. Disgusting!
melkbell 14th-Sep-2010 05:01 pm (UTC)
Like every girl would just believe that her guys dick smelled like eggs....that is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. OMG.
yousuckdotcom 14th-Sep-2010 05:46 pm (UTC)

I'm like, "I'm sure they had no idea. I'm sure they also liked you for your personality, too, and weren't ignoring the signs of cheating so that they could keep leaching money and fame from you."
oh_harley_quinn 14th-Sep-2010 05:01 pm (UTC)
mercystars 14th-Sep-2010 05:02 pm (UTC)
Well, this post has done more for my appetite than any diet pill ever could.
psion_dynamo O_014th-Sep-2010 05:02 pm (UTC)

I LOLed at the "Smell Yo Dick method". The song is w/e, but there's this SIms2 video for it on YouTube that always cracks me up.
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