ONTD

9:49 pm - 08/24/2010

Let's Talk About Sex: Which Celebrities Suck In The Sack And Which Ones Don’t

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Kim Mathers on Eminem:
“He’s not very well endowed…. If you’re going to have sex with Marshall, make sure you have a little blue pill, because otherwise it does not work.”




Kim Mathers on Eminem:
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“He’s not very well endowed…. If you’re going to have sex with Marshall, make sure you have a little blue pill, because otherwise it does not work.”

A “Pal” on John Mayer:
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“John is good in bed. Not just good, but sensational. Every girl I know who has slept with John says it was the best sex of their life. I’m not sure what exactly he does in bed, but after girls sleep with him, they’re ruined. They get totally hung up on him and want more! Whatever John’s secret is, he should market it. He could retire from the music industry.”

Adam Levine Denies Saying About Maria Sharapova:
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“I can’t tell you how disappointed I was. I really thought, like a lot of guys, that she’d be the loud screaming type. It was so disillusioning that I went on Paxil for a month afterwards.”

Candice Houlihan on Alex Rodriguez:
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“If it’s true Madonna has sampled Alex’s charms, then she’ll know what I mean when I say she’s a lucky lady. And if not then I can tell her he is the most amazing lover she’ll ever have and she should give it a whirl. I know she’s very sexually experienced but I bet even she hasn’t experienced anything like Alex before. What he can do to satisfy a woman is amazing—he’s very gifted in that department. The two nights I shared with him were magical and given half the chance I would do it again in a heartbeat—even though I felt bad when I found out about his wife. In that way he’s just like any other guy.”

Angelique Jerome on Colin Farrell:
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“He comes across as a tiger on screen, but behind closed doors he’s as wild as Mickey Mouse. Maybe he has lots of women because he’s not that good in bed. Maybe they don’t want to stay.”

Nick Carter on Paris Hilton:
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“She was a drunken prude who as far as I can see did not really like sex. She relied on drugs and drink to give her confidence in the bedroom and was more often than not too wasted to even perform. I lost count of the nights I had to pick her off the floor and drag her to bed passed out.”


Joe Francis on Paris Hilton:
“Paris is the best ... Paris is amazing in bed ... better than anyone.”

Krista Ayne on Jared Leto:
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“Jared isn’t bad in bed. I’d give him a 7 on a scale from 1 to 10.”

Kristen Cavallari on Brody Jenner:
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“It was very…vanilla.”

Sophie Monk on Sophie Monk:
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“I think I am a dud honestly.”

An exotic dancer on 50 Cent:
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“50 is definitely not packing. He’s barely 6 inches ... I was thinking, what does he expect to do with that little thing? We were supposed to [EXPLETIVE], but after I saw what he was working with, I just gave him some [EXPLETIVE] and called it a night. On a scale of 1 to 10, I’d give him a 3 ... He probably deserves lower than that - but I gave him extra points because he was respectful.”

A former lover on Robert Pattinson:
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“We just had this chemistry between us that made our kisses amazing. I felt electricity go between us! I’m really passionate, as is he. That’s why, no matter how much we fought, it was always amazing in bed! We’d glance at each other throughout the night because it made it more exciting when we got home. The tension was so strong, we couldn’t control ourselves. It was amazing!”


Pop star Sinitta on Simon Cowell:/strong>
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“It’s true, he’s rich and good [in bed].”

Georgina Baillie on Russell Brand:
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“A disappointment.”

Byron Raphael on Elvis:
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“He didn’t know how to screw.”


Celebrity Men That Must Rock in Bed!

Joe Manganiello – Muscled and in the Mood.
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Meet my newest crush, Joe Manganiello (Alcide Herveaux, True Blood). At 6’5”, this studly piece of man meat works out twice a day, six days a week. His muscles have muscles. And the best part-- he plays a bad boy on the new season of True Blood.

This is the guy I want on top of me, pinning me down and .... you get the picture! Mix that body with the werewolf thing and I am thinking this will be one torrid, hot, wet, sweaty romp leaving me a heaving, spent mess. Damn I need a shower now.


Taylor Lautner – Baby I’d Like to Bite.
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On the subject of werewolves, I admit wholeheartedly to being a dirty cougar. I just can’t get enough of that jailbait Taylor Lautner (Jacob in Twilight: Eclipse). But guess what? He’s 18 now, so bring him over because Jacob is legal! This guy just looks like he would be fun to seduce. He seems so innocent and eager to please. Let’s face it. Younger guys may not do it well, or for a long time, but they can do it often! Thirtieth time…er third time is the charm right? C’mon, bite me, wolf boy!

Mark Salling – Quick and Easy Rider.
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Do you like fresh meat? Then meet Mark Salling, one of the hot new boys in Hollywood. He plays Puck on Glee (and makes his own music). On the show he plays a delicious lothario. As a pool boy he sleeps with his classmates’ mothers, he knocked up the head cheerleader, and he still is in the market for more. There is just something about all that sleeping around that makes it so easy to imagine him taking me.

This is a guy who will invest in the time. The candles will be lit. The champagne will be chilled. The sheets will be soft, and the lighting will be right. He would definitely create a perfect seduction leading up to the main event. Afterwards would be like a race to see who can get their pants on first and out the door. Thanks Mark. That was great!


Jonathan Rhys Meyers – Bad to the Bone-er
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Like ‘em a little dirty? Me too. Think Johnny Depp in his night-clubbing single days. Jonathan Rhys Meyers (The Tudors) is the one who appears a bit cleancut, but underneath, you just know the sex would be nasty! Meyers has been in a dozen or more movies. He is perfect to take up the bad boy mantel passed on by Monsieur Depp or even Colin Farrell. The setting is a hotel room of course. Fresh linen, but that’s about it. This is going to be fast and furious. A tug at some clothes and hopefully we will be completely undressed within moments. And of course, he is going to finish and light up a cigarette before you realize you are even on your back. What a dog. Woof.

Tom Brady – Menage a trois?
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Think a bad boy can’t be tamed? I give you Tom Brady. At one point he seemed to be the Derek Jeter of football. He knocked upBridget Moynahan and then dumped her for Gisele Bundchen, whom he married. Tom makes millions to play the game and pitch products. But he is also a doting dad with a six pack and a tight tush. The scene would play out back at his place. A tour of a sprawling mansion, complete with a gander at all his trophies and awards. It’s all about him. “Oh yes Tom,” you will say with a grin. Eventually things will end in his bedroom. Light kisses, hands will wander, and slowly we can ease up to the bed. Just as things get interesting…Gisele will walk in. Who am I to deny his fantasy? Besides, she is pretty hot! Lay down next to me, Gisele, let what’s-his-name watch for a bit.

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nimberlane Re: Em admits being less then awesome in the bed department so....25th-Aug-2010 03:15 am (UTC)
Kim sounds like a bitter bitch
phishtickie Re: Em admits being less then awesome in the bed department so....25th-Aug-2010 10:32 am (UTC)
That doesn't mean it's a fucking lie, though.
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