ONTD

12:09 pm - 05/10/2010

Tom Cruise got Xenu'd in the anus

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During his divorce from Nicole Kidman, Tom Cruise was apparently "audited" by Scientology member Marty Rathbun who has since defected and started a blog detailing the various fuckeries of L. Ron's pyramid scheme. On Friday, Marty blogged that Tom's confessions became a source of entertainment for Scientology head David Miscavige:

Well, my suspicions about DM's real purposes for recording Tom's confessions have been confirmed as warranted. I have recently learned from a very reliable witness that DM regularly held court with others in his personal lounge in the roadside Villas at the Int base, and while sipping scotch whiskey at the end of the night, Miscavige would read Tom's overts and withholds from my reports to others, joking and laughing about the content of Tom's confessions. My witness is unimpeachable in my eyes as his account contains too many accurate details from someone who had zero reason (or ability) for being anywhere near Tom's folders, videos and reports direct to DM. I also know he was a regular, preferred guest at DM's scotch night caps during that period.


I'm going to be completely honest here: I would shoot each and every one of you in the face just to read one page of those documents. That's how badly I want to know the origins of Nicole Kidman's perma-grin.

sauce

[ETA]: Thanks to yssim999 for finding Marty's blog!
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flowerssleeping 10th-May-2010 05:54 pm (UTC)
yay a scientology post
rhcp 10th-May-2010 05:55 pm (UTC)
lmao love the comment at the end.
avpdx 10th-May-2010 05:55 pm (UTC)
haha me too
honeynutcherri 10th-May-2010 06:12 pm (UTC)
Lol, ikr?
false_hate 10th-May-2010 07:21 pm (UTC)
I can't stop laughing at it
avpdx 10th-May-2010 05:55 pm (UTC)
Scientology creeps the shit out of me
jemjoop 10th-May-2010 05:56 pm (UTC)
But you're okay with people that want to shoot you in the face?
kerfuffleboat 10th-May-2010 05:57 pm (UTC)
It's for a good cause!
tyffi 10th-May-2010 06:05 pm (UTC)
At least you know what you're dealing with when it comes to face-shooters. *nods*
kytele 10th-May-2010 05:55 pm (UTC)
I WOULD LIKE VERY MUCH TO BE A FLY ON THAT WALL THANK YOU AND PLEASE
sirimono 10th-May-2010 06:00 pm (UTC)
omg your icon. omg your icon. omg your icon.

I found a second person in the world who played LOOM.
kytele 10th-May-2010 06:01 pm (UTC)


that makes you AWESOME
stickablestars 10th-May-2010 05:56 pm (UTC)
Scientology is fucking scary. I still can't get over the insaneness of Jim Carey's Twitter.
avpdx 10th-May-2010 05:56 pm (UTC)
what happened?
flowerssleeping 10th-May-2010 06:00 pm (UTC)
he was going on some rant about prescription drugs and stuff on his twitter...i think someone made a post about it but i can't find it
jemjoop 10th-May-2010 05:57 pm (UTC)
He's going mad in 140 characters. Truly.
heartstopper 10th-May-2010 05:57 pm (UTC)
he's one too? DAMN
missthing19 10th-May-2010 05:58 pm (UTC)
Jim Carrey is a scientologist?
kerfuffleboat 10th-May-2010 05:58 pm (UTC)
ikr? I am so depressed about him. I feel like he is LEGITIMATELY crazy and it's all coming out now. I assumed that his high-strung personality was just an act before, but omg.
professor_chaos 10th-May-2010 05:56 pm (UTC)
I cannot see or hear about Cruise without the term "fudge-packer" used.
menorahmajora 10th-May-2010 07:05 pm (UTC)
lol I haven't heard that term since high school.
moshfloorkiller 10th-May-2010 07:42 pm (UTC)
I AM NOT A FUDGE PACKER.
professor_chaos 10th-May-2010 07:50 pm (UTC)
A+
secretly 10th-May-2010 05:56 pm (UTC)
fuck xtina's cd, this needs to leak
kerfuffleboat 10th-May-2010 05:56 pm (UTC)
I fucking love scientology posts. I literally just put some popcorn in the microwave for this.
missy_jess 10th-May-2010 05:58 pm (UTC)
IKR? I was bored, but now I'm excited.
missy_jess 10th-May-2010 05:57 pm (UTC)
He'll sue you in England.
principino 10th-May-2010 05:58 pm (UTC)
I liked bits about living in LA, but one thing I hated most about it was the fucking $cientologists. They were just awful and predatory. Thankfully the "Church" is in serious decline now that some sunshine been let in.
avpdx 10th-May-2010 05:59 pm (UTC)
there's an office or whatever in Vancouver, and I'm think I've seen creepy men standing outside giving out pamphlets
principino 10th-May-2010 06:00 pm (UTC)
*shudder*

Don't ever give them any accurate information about yourself. I'm sure I don't even need to tell you that, though...
kerfuffleboat 10th-May-2010 06:06 pm (UTC)
Are they extremely attractive? In NYC, I am always so disappointed when someone really cute guy is hitting on me and then he's like, "So, are you interested in taking a stress test?" FFFFFUUUUU
tyffi 10th-May-2010 06:10 pm (UTC)
Last Christmas season they were even present at a Christmas market, offering people to do some of their personality tests for free. You know, like drug dealers would do. Creepy!
hotelmirana 11th-May-2010 05:37 am (UTC)
it's always dark and barred up whenever i pass by it on the bus!

they were up at SFU couple years back offering "stress tests"
missy_jess 10th-May-2010 06:14 pm (UTC)
In NYC, they like to hang out at the 42nd St. subway stop and offer ~free personality tests~

It's really creepy because, while there are sometimes Dianetics books or pamphlets, there's never any mention of Scientology. That kind of sneakiness and dishonesty is just wrong.
apothecary06 10th-May-2010 07:52 pm (UTC)
I just finished doing a show at a theater right across the street from the Scientology centre in Chicago. The week of the show, I mastered the art of looking like a person in a hurry - even if I was really half an hour early for my call time I was still "late", lol.
luxxe 10th-May-2010 05:58 pm (UTC)
marty rathbun U IN DANGER
missy_jess 10th-May-2010 05:59 pm (UTC)
ONTD PRAYER CIRCLE.
muskeeterrowan 10th-May-2010 06:19 pm (UTC)
For real they might snatch him up soon!
tyffi 10th-May-2010 06:23 pm (UTC)
We should start an ONTD witness protection program!
daninekintscher 10th-May-2010 05:59 pm (UTC)
I hope he blogs the good stuff before he goes "missing"
andi88 10th-May-2010 05:59 pm (UTC)
This is good stuff.
yssim999 10th-May-2010 06:00 pm (UTC)
where is this Marty guys blog?
unexplained19 10th-May-2010 06:00 pm (UTC)
interesting
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