ONTD

There are thousands of 'celebrities' in Britain. By which I mean there are a lot of famous people. Many of whom have absolutely no right to be. Whole shoals of Z-list wannabes, scrabbling for their 15 minutes of recognition on increasingly degrading reality-TV shows, desperate for fame of any kind. So it's time to sort the chaff from the wheat, and resolve once and for all who really counts in the world of celebrity in this country.

The criteria for entry to my Top 100 list were as follows:

1) They had to be British, so no Irish stars like Bono or Colin Farrell qualified.

2) They had to either have a genuine talent (Wayne Rooney) or be so successful at being talentless (Katie Price) that their exclusion was impossible.

3) They had to excite me. A lot of stars haven't made it because they're just too irritating (Robbie Coltrane), too vile (Christian Bale) or too old hat (Queen).

4) They had to be either hugely 'current' (Cheryl Cole) or just so huge (Sir Anthony Hopkins) that their mere existence is enough.

5) Non-political unless they've crossed over into genuine celebrity status (Boris Johnson).

6) Non-royal unless they frequent the nightclub party scene with celebrities, and thus appear regularly in gossip columns (Prince Harry).



Where do I start with the old growler? In many ways he's exactly what you see on The Apprentice rough, tough, blunt and ruthless. But there's another side to him that he tries very hard to hide - generous to a fault, surprisingly kind and ferociously loyal. We exchange barbed emails and texts on an almost daily basis, often of a deeply abusive nature, and both thoroughly enjoy the banter.

Like me, he's got the skin of a thousand rhinos. The only difference is that he also has a wallet with a thousand pockets to house his £500 million fortune.

To understand how proud he is of the way he built a billion-pound technology empire from scratch, you need only know that when he heard he was being made a Lord, he actually shed a tear.

Hard to imagine, isn't it? In his new role as a Labour peer, his only interest lies in trying to help small businesses get off the ground, and survive and thrive in this recession. All the politics stuff leaves him bemused.

Yet the appointment has made him more powerful than before, and brought him higher up my list as a result. We could do with a lot more Alan Sugars running the country, and a lot fewer of the expense-fiddling goons currently occupying high office.

Age 62 Born London Education Brooke House Homes Chigwell, Essex; Boca Raton, Florida; Costa del Sol
This slot was meant for John Terry, on the basis that England captain in World Cup year is about as big a celebrity as can be. But Mr Terry was caught with his trousers down and rightly sacked by Fabio Capello, to be replaced by Rio, who is an inspired choice. I've known Rio for a few years, and though he's not perfect, he's far more mature than he used to be as a teenage wildchild.

He's also one of the best defenders in the world. And he commands the respect of the dressing room. Rio and I text each other, usually mutual mickey-taking about Manchester United and Arsenal, my club. He's quick-witted and self-aware, and chose football over the gang life he could have slid into as a kid from South London.

Come July, if Rio lifts the cup for England, he'll be one of the great stars in our sporting history. The stakes couldn't be higher. Win or lose, though, I suspect Rio will take it all in his giant stride.

Age 32 Born London Education Blackheath Bluecoat Home Alderley Edge, Cheshire
It would be fair to say that Ms Moss and I have not always seen eye to eye. The nadir of our relationship came when she had me chucked out of a masked ball, and I retaliated by calling her a 'skanky, spotty, rude little Croydon girl with a cocaine-desecrated hooter'.

But regardless of our personal opinions of each other, there can be no doubting the influence she has had on the fashion world, or the commercial power she wields. Vogue magazine sticks her on the cover more than any other model for a very good reason - she sells.

Just ask Sir Philip Green, Britain's richest and most successful retailer, who pays her a small fortune to sell her personal clothing line through his Topshop stores. He reckons she's worth every penny and more. But what's perhaps most extraordinary about Ms Moss is that without all the make-up, she really does look pretty ordinary. With it, though, she morphs into the No 1 glamour icon of our times.

The clock is ticking on her career, as it does with all models when they hit their thirties. But right now, tiny pound for tiny pound, she remains the No 1 model in the country.

Age 36 Born Croydon Education Riddlesdowne High School Homes London; Southrop, Cotswolds
When you've been in the biggest band of all time, and the only other member left alive is Ringo Starr, you don't need to worry about your status as the Emperor Of Popular Music. Macca is the top dog, numero uno, main man.

The guy all the others look up to and respect. Even Ozzy Osbourne gets all misty-eyed whenever he talks about Macca, viewing him as the biggest star of them all in his industry. So there's no question that McCartney matters, and will continue to matter for decades to come. I've known him a long time, and enjoyed some surreal moments with him.

I'll never forget walking to the pub from my office at the Daily Mirror, and Paul calling me on my mobile begging me not to run a story about a row he'd had with Heather Mills before they were married. 'You're a Beatles fan,' he pleaded. 'Do this for me, please.'

And there was only one way I was ever going to respond to that sentence - I pulled the story. It seemed the least I could do given that I introduced him to the mad old bint, a decision that cost him a fortune. When history comes to judge this period in a few centuries' time, I suspect that McCartney will be one of the few names on this list who will continue to draw huge attention.

Age 68 Born Liverpool Education Liverpool Institute Homes Peasmarsh, East Sussex; London; New York; Long Island; LA; Mull of Kintyre, Scotland
This is quite a simple one. Pattinson's the handsome young star of the Twilight films, beloved of teenage girls and other moody types. That fact makes him a nailed-down cert to be the most sought-after British movie star of 2010.

And that, in turn, makes him 'matter'. The only problem for Pattinson is that, as my grandmother always likes to say, 'One day you're the cock of the walk, the next you're a feather duster.' And nowhere is that more true than in good old Tinseltown. So I wish him well, but urge him to watch his back.

And not just because of the millions of girls all over the world who'd like to attach themselves to his shapely shoulders as a matter of urgency.

Age 23 Born London Education Tower House (private); Harrodian School (private) Homes London; Vancouver
I was tempted to put one of them ahead of the other, just to see what happened. In fact, I told them this during Britain's Got Talent auditions in January, and they both looked like I'd just told them they could never talk to each other again. Their crushed faces convinced me that splitting them up would simply cause too much psychological damage.

The truth is that they're more joined at the hip than genuine Siamese twins - working, living, relaxing, drinking, golfing and holidaying together. But their natural chemistry, on and off screen, is the key to their success. Take one away and it just wouldn't work.

To get a sense of their importance as celebrities, you need look no further than the fact that after Simon Cowell they're the highest-paid stars in British TV history.

And I reckon they're worth every penny. To watch them up close presenting Britain's Got Talent shows is like watching a masterclass in live TV hosting.

They never make mistakes or lose their cool. They're also great party lads, always offering fine chilled Chablis and beer in their dressing room or a hotel bar after a show, and always ready to unwind, tell daft stories and have a laugh. Their football team might be in the second tier now, but these boys will be top-tier for a long time to come.

Ant: Age 34 Born Newcastle Education Rutherford High School, Newcastle College Home London

Dec: Age 34 Born Newcastle Education St Cuthbert's High, Newcastle College Home London
William was 13 when I sat down for a quite extraordinary lunch with him and his mother. It was memorable for so many reasons, not least his undisguised dismay when Diana refused to let him drink any wine. 'But you always let me have wine!' he moaned. 'William,' she replied firmly, 'you do NOT drink alcohol.'

It was obvious from this exchange that he did, but that Diana would prefer a tabloid editor not to be aware of this fact. Over the two-hour encounter, the young prince was intelligent, funny, charming and wise beyond his years.

He was also ferociously protective of his mother, taking me to task - rightly - over the media's obsessive interest in her every movement. A few years later, he invited me to an 18th-birthday drinks party for a select few editors, and we exchanged some good-natured banter.

'Is that a six-pack, Piers?' he asked, poking my generously proportioned stomach. 'Or a keg?'

William's credentials to be high on this list are obvious. He's very rich, the rising star of the Royal Family and will one day be our King. It's hard to beat that particular CV. Yet right now, he matters less than our top three...

Age 25 Born London Education Eton College (private); St Andrews University Homes Clarence House, London; Highgrove, Gloucestershire
The darling of British showbiz, Cheryl has become the nation's sweetheart - after joining The X Factor as a judge - in less time than it took her idiot husband to wreck their marriage with numerous flings. Beautiful, smart, emotional and funny, she's almost the perfect TV star.

Add the domestic heartache to the mix and you've got almost the perfect celebrity too. With No 1 hit pop songs to go with being in a No 1 hit TV show, an American career beckoning (possibly on their version of The X Factor) and Ashley on the way out via the divorce court, and Cheryl's the most powerful famous woman in Britain right now.

In terms of her commercial clout, her appearance on the cover of fashion bible Vogue saw it sell 240,000 copies, its best ever February figure. And she has become the multimillion-pound face of L'Oreal.

Walk down any high street and her gleaming white smile beams down at you from magazine racks, billboards, bookshelves and record stores. She matters. I've interviewed her, partied with her and been ridiculed by her, and she's a great character. A no-nonsense, tough Geordie lass with a heart of gold who has made the most of her talent, and the opportunities that have come her way.

Age 26 Born Newcastle Education Heaton Manor School; Royal Ballet Summer School Home Godalming, Surrey
Let's be brutally honest here: I'm not a massive fan of Beckham personally. I've never met the guy, and don't really care if I ever do. To me, he's just the former Manchester United player who cost us the World Cup in 1998 by getting himself sent off against Argentina (I stuck his miscreant head on a dartboard at the Daily Mirror at the time, and he has never forgiven me), and has spent the decade since then promoting himself in one of the greatest and most ruthlessly selfish ego trips in the history of sport.

And yet there can be no denying the power of his celebrity status. Beckham has turned himself into an absolutely phenomenal commercial machine, raking in hundreds of millions of pounds and becoming arguably the most famous man alive after Barack Obama. With all this has come the kind of real influence that only works if you're a truly global star.

And to be fair to Beckham, he has wielded that influence to great effect in campaigns such as Britain's 2012 Olympics bid, and latterly our ongoing 2018 World Cup bid. When deciding whether to make him my runner-up, I asked myself which person in Britain would excite most people around the world, in every continent, if they walked into a room tomorrow.

Because that, in the end, is the only really accurate measure of who 'matters'. And in that context, David Beckham is right up there with Elvis Presley, Princess Diana, Frank Sinatra, Muhammad Ali and Michael Jackson as one of the greatest celebrity icons of my generation.

Age 34 Born Leytonstone Education Chingford School, Bradenton Academy Homes Sawbridgeworth, Herts; Los Angeles; France
I've tried - goodness knows that I've tried. But despite straining every sinew, I couldn't find a convincing way not to conclude that the most important and influential celebrity in Britain right now is The Boss.

I was tempted to prefer Beckham, on the basis that his star shines supremely in places Cowell's doesn't yet - like the Far East, Africa and Outer Mongolia.

But whereas Beckham's ability on the pitch, where it really matters, is now waning, in terms of celebrity power Cowell has few rivals in the world, let alone Britain. Anyone who can create, star in, produce and promote the biggest TV shows in America, the UK and dozens of other territories has a rare gift.

I've known him for 20 years, and he's always been the same: mischievous, arrogant, funny, vain, cunning and loyal. But crucially, he works unbelievably hard, never rests on his laurels, constantly takes risks and hates losing.

He also has the boredom threshold of a small newt, which is why he declined a £100 million deal to continue with American Idol, so he could launch The X Factor in the States in 2011. It's that restless streak and need to move things on that makes him No 1. People always ask me what Simon's really like. The answer is simple.

He likes his expensive cars, his 40 cigarettes a day, his girlfriends (ex and current), baked beans on toast, Extra Strong Mints, English breakfast tea, spaghetti Bolognese, luxury homes, Caribbean holidays, Sunday lunch with his mum, crowds screaming his name, and competing with mates.

So he'll be absolutely thrilled to read this. On a personal level, he's never been happier, with rumours of a wedding this year to Mezhgan Hussainy, and even hints (in my interview with him on ITV1 last night) that he wants 'little Simons'. Professionally, and at home, Mr Cowell is at the very top of his game and is therefore the worthy winner of my first Top 100 Celebrities list.

Age 50 Born Brighton Education Dover College (private) Homes Los Angeles; London; Malaga; Barbados; Dubai


100-11

100. Heather Mills
99. Vinnie Jones
98. Delia Smith
97. JK Rowling
96. Sir David Attenborough
95. Sienna Miller
94. Holly Willoughby
93. Adrian Chiles
92. Anne Robinson
91. Phillip Schofield

90. Naomi Campbell
89. Rod Stewart
88. Kenneth Branagh
87. Kate Beckinsale
86. David Tennant
85. Andy Murray
84. George Michael
83. Freddie Flintoff
82. Paul O'Grady
81. Jude Law

80. Eddie Izzard
79. Michael Sheen
78. Catherine Zeta-Jones
77. David Bowie
76. Stella McCartney
75. Colin Firth
74. Jeremy Paxman
73. Ross Kemp
72. Rowan Atkinson
71. Christine Bleakley

70. Jason Statham
69. Marco Pierre White
68. Liam Gallagher
67. Coleen Rooney
66. Sir Alex Ferguson
65. Dame Judi Dench
64. Nigella Lawson
63. Emma Watson
62. Daniel Radcliffe
61. Lord Lloyd Webber

60. David Williams
59. JLS
58. Sir Michael Caine
57. Peter Kay
56. Daniel Day-Lewis
55. Sharon & Ozzy Osbourne
54. Gordan Ramsay
53. Graham Norton
52. Hugh Grant
51. Ricky Gervaise

50. Lewis Hamilton
49. Sir Anthony Hopkins
48. Sir Cliff Richard
47. Clive Owen
46. Leona Lewis
45. Robbie Williams
44. Mick Jagger & Keith Richards
43. Katherine Jenkins
42. Hugh Laurie
41. James Corden

40. Michael McIntyre
39. Frank Lampard
38. Kate Winslet
37. Susan Boyle
36. Amy Winehouse
35. Harry Hill
34. Chris Evans
33. Stephen Fry
32. Boris Johnson
31. Jonathan Ross

30. Lily Allen
29. Jenson Button
28. Katie Price
27. Russell Brand
26. Sacha Baron Cohen
25. Wayne Rooney
24. Amanda Holden
23. Take That
22. Tony Blair
21. Sir Elton John

20. Kate Middleton
19. Prince Harry
18. Daniel Craig
17. Chris Martin
16. Keira Knightley
15. Victoria Beckham
14. Jeremy Clarkson
13. Sir Richard Branson
12. Dame Helen Mirren
11. Jamie Oliver


If you don't know who any of these people are, this site helps a lot!

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